“My wife’s a peach—she has a heart of stone”
To say that a person is a "peach" means that this person is admirable or pleasing. "Joe: My math teacher is a peach! Sam: You mean she is pretty? Joe: No, she has a heart of…
Archive for 12/2017
Firegeddon (fire + Armageddon)
"Firegeddon" (fire + Armageddon) is a portmanteau word for a disastrous fire. "Firegeddon: Cops battle new riots across London" was posted on Twitter on August 8, 2011.…
NFHell (NFL + hell)
The National Football League (NFL) is a professional American football league, headquartered in New York City. The NFL has been dubbed "NFHell" or "NFhell" or "NFhelL"…
“It was so cold that I chipped a tooth on my soup”
Could it be so cold that people eat frozen food? "Top Ten Signs It's Too Damn Cold (...) 3. President Clinton chipped a tooth on a french fry" was broadcast on the New York…
“What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the normal alphabet?” (riddle)
"Noel" sounds like "no L." A joke about the "Christmas alphabet" having "no L" has been cited in print to at least 1951. The riddle form is: Q: What's…
“It was so cold that when we milked the cows, we got ice cream”
Milk doesn't turn into ice cream when it's cold, but that's an old joke. "It was so cold that when I milked old Betsy I got ice cream," a 1959 newspaper printed. Chocolate…
“It was so cold that I saw chickens lined up for KFC’s deep fryer”
"It was so cold that I saw chickens lined up for KFC's deep fryer" is a joke about extremely cold weather that has been printed on many images. "It was so cold in New York City…
“I don’t celebrate Christmas, but I do enjoy the festive drinks. You could say I’m eggnogstic”
"Eggnogstic" (eggnog + agnostic) is a jocular term that has been cited in print since at least 1885. Various definitions have been given. "If I don't like egg nog, does that…
No Fan Left or No Fans Left (National Football League or NFL nickname)
The National Football League (NFL) is a professional American football league, headquartered in New York City. The NFL has been dubbed "No Fan Left" or "No Fans Left" by those…
“I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. It would work much better on the front”
Some people commit suicide by throwing themselves in front of buses. "Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. I couldn't help but think, it would work much better…
“Your government is imploding. Stay calm and make your way to the nearest conspiracy theorist”
A political image reads: "WARNINGYOUR GOVERNMENT IS IMPLODING BEFORE YOUR EYES. STAY CALM AND MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE NEAREST 'CONSPIRACY THEORIST' FOR FURTHER DIRECTION"…
“Welcome to Twitter. Please stand by, someone will disagree with you shortly”
Twitter is an online news and social networking service; its users have many disagreements. "Welcome to twitter where everyone either has 'someone' to agree/disagree with, or…
“Just walked past a sign that read, ‘This fire door is alarmed’” (joke)
"The fire door is alarmed" is a typical building sign, but it's sometimes joked that the door is "alarmed" because it has a human personality. "So I passed a door with…
“You can tell Santa is a man because no woman would ever wear the same outfit every year”
Several jocular arguments have been made to determine if Santa Claus is a woman or a man. A strong point for the proposition that Santa is a man was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor on December 4,…
“It cost me $500 to fly economy class. What a waste of money. I still know nothing about economics”
There's a difference between "economy class" and "economics class." "Me: What do you know about economics? My brother: Don't they use that in the airplane? You…
“It cost me $500 to fly economy class. What a waste of money. I still know nothing about economics”
There's a difference between "economy class" and "economics class." "Me: What do you know about economics? My brother: Don't they use that in the airplane? You…
“What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time?”/“A sad candy cane.”
The American flag is red, white and blue. Candy canes are usually white, with red stripes. A riddle was printed in Boys' Life magazine in March 1980: Teacher: What's red, white, and blue?…
“I walked up to reception in the hotel and said, ‘Sorry, but I forgot what room I’m in’” (joke)
Hotel guests often forget their rooms. A joke was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on March 12, 2012: "I walked up to reception in the hotel and said, 'Sorry but I forgot what room…
“I can only sleep on stacks of old magazines. I’ve got back issues”
There have been several magazine puns on the term "back issues." "Did you hear about the woman who kept hurting herself lifting her boxes of old magazines? She had a lot of back…
“A ventriloquist walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A ventriloquist version has been cited in print since at least 2013: "A ventriloquist…