“My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are”
"My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter by Just Bill on December 21, 2016. The saying has been printed…
Archive for 12/2017
“My baggage was lost on a layover in Helsinki. Guess it must have disappeared into Finnair”
Finnair (the national airline of Finland) sounds a little bit like "thin air." New York-born newspaper columnist Bennett Cerf (1898-1971) wrote in March 1970 (referring to a 1969 story in…
“What would Economics be without assumptions?”/“Accounting.”
A riddle about the subject of Economics has been cited in print since at least 2003: Q: What would Economics be without assumptions?A: Accounting. "Economics without assumptions is…
“What’s the difference between the Cleveland Browns and the alphabet?”/“The alphabet has a W.”
A win in sports is often called a "W." A riddle is: Q: What's the difference between the [winless sports team] and the alphabet?A: The alphabet has a "W." "What's…
Dressed Resembling A Girl (“drag” backronym)
"Drag" is sometimes given the backronym (back acronym) of "DRess(ed) As a Girl" or "Dressed Resembling A Girl." The Oxford English Dictionary records "drag"…
“Lift your left leg up on December 31st at 11:59:59. Start the New Year off on the right foot”
The expression to start something "on the right foot" is usually not meant to be taken literally, but there have been jokes. "Before the clock strikes midnight, make sure to raise…
Mississippi: “What do you call a hippie’s wife?”/“Mississippi.”
The state of Mississippi sounds like "Mrs. Hippie." The pun has been cited in print since at least December 14, 1968, when this was printed in the Pittsburgh (PA) Post-Gazette: "A…
“How do you make rice wine cold?”/“Remove the ‘r.’”
"Rice wine" is just one letter from "ice wine." A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Clean Jokes on January 1, 2018: Q: How do you make rice wine cold?A: Remove the "r."…
“I don’t always tell dad jokes. But when I do, he laughs”
There's a difference between "telling dad" jokes and telling "dad jokes." The former is told to a father, while the latter is usually told by a father. A joke was posted on…
“I really want to buy a supermarket checkout divider, but the cashier keeps putting it back”
The supermarket checkout dividers are not for sale, but a joke was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on June 13, 2013: "No matter how much I try and buy supermarket conveyor belt dividers,…
“Firefighters never want the option of working from home”
"It's always good to find out you're going to be working from home, unless you're a fireman" is a jocular one-line saying from English writer and stand-up comedian Gary…
“Why don’t I eat beans? Because it gives migas”
"Migas" (a Tex-Mex dish) might sound like "me gas." A joke has been cited in print since at least 2015: Q: Why don’t I eat beans?A: Cuz it gives migas. Wikipedia: MigasMexican…
“Don’t kiss anyone on New Year’s Day because it’s only the first date”
Should you kiss on New Year's Day? "I don't kiss on new years because you're not supposed to kiss on the first date" was posted on Twitter on July 10, 2013. "You…
“Hash browns are just flat tater tots”
Are hash browns just flat tater tots -- that is, fried potatoes in another shape? "REALIZATION: mcdonald's hash browns are really enormous, flat tater tots" was posted on Twitter on…
“Why do leprechauns giggle when they play soccer?”/“Because the grass tickles their balls.”
A leprechaun riddle was posted on Twitter on March 17, 2009: Q: Why do leprechauns laugh when they run? A: Cuz the grass tickles their nuts. A soccer version of the leprechaun riddle was posted on…
“I can’t stand bodybuilders who smoke weed. They always act so high and mighty”
The term "high and mighty" doesn't necessarily refer to a bodybuilder on weed, but there are jokes. "Most of my peeps smoke weed after they hit the gym, thinking they all high…
“My New Year’s resolution is to stay out of shape. Maybe I won’t stick with this one either”
Many people have a new year's resolution to lose weight, but they don't keep it. Others apply reverse psychology. "My resolution every year was to slim down and it always fail! How…
“Where does a gorilla play baseball?”/“In the bush leagues.”
The "bush leagues" in baseball don't necessarily have bushes, but there's a riddle: Q: Where does a gorilla play baseball?A: In the bush leagues. The joke has been cited in…
“Where do astronauts leave their spacecrafts?”/“At parking meteors.”
There are parking meters for cars. Will there be parking meteors for spaceships? "With space travel becoming so popular, a bar-fly at the Grinzing comes out with a sensible suggestion for a…
“If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria—powerhouse of the cell”
Mitochondrion ("mitochondria" is the plural) is known as the powerhouse of the cell. There have been several jokes about "prison" cells. "If I ever go to jail I'm gna…