“If coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic led to some jocular pickup lines. This was posted on Twitter by yikes on March 9, 2020: "If the coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?" "If…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If couples celebrate Valentine’s Day, what do single men celebrate?”/“Palm Sunday.”
A not-safe-for-work joke is told about Valentine's Day. "If Valentines Day is for lovers... what day is for single men... Palm Sunday" was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“If COVID-19 doesn’t take you out, can I?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic led to some jocular pickup lines. This was posted on Twitter by yikes on March 9, 2020: "If the coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?" "If…
“If COVID-19 had originated in Sweden, would we be calling it the kronavirus?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic has nothing to do with the Danish krone, Icelandic króna, Norwegian krone or Swedish krona, but there are jokes. "Maybe it was Norwegian #KronaVirus"…
“If defensive backs could catch, they would be wide receivers” (football adage)
"If defensive backs could catch, they would be wide receivers" is a popular football adage. The saying usually comes up when a defensive back is in perfect position for an interception,…
“If DEI is a good thing, why do they get upset when you call someone a DEI hire?”
In July 2024, U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris replaced President Joe Biden on the Democrat ticket for President for the 2024 election. Some Republicans called her a "DEI hire," and…
“If Drinks Could Talk: Coffee - You can do this! Wine - You don’t have to do this!”
"If Drinks Could Talk: Coffee - You can do this! Wine - You don't have to do this! Tequila - Holy shit! Did you really just do that?!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on…
“If driven carefully, please report stolen” (bumper sticker)
"If driven carefully, please report stolen" is a jocular bumper sticker saying on many vehicles. "Seen on back of white van: 'If driven carefully, please report as…
“If drugs aren’t allowed in sports, why is makeup allowed in beauty contests?”
"If drugs/steroids aren't allowed in sports, why is makeup allowed in beauty contests/pageants?" is a question that has been printed on many images. "If steroids aren't…
“If dumb were dirt, you would be about an acre”
"If dumb were dirt, you would be about an acre" is said be some to be a Texas expression; Texas certainly has lots of dirt. Variants of the saying include "you would cover about an…
“If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where to return Mondays”
"If each day us a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays" is a jocular one-liner that has been printed on many images. "If each day is a gift, I'd like to know…
“If earth is the third planet from the sun, then isn’t every country a third world country?”
The term "third world" was popularized in the 1950s during the Cold War and referred to political alignments, but there's a joke: "If earth is the third planet from the sun,…
“If English was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for Texas”
"If English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for Texas schoolchildren" is allegedly the quotation of "Ma" ( or "Pa") Ferguson, at a time when Spanish…
“If even the inspector says ‘Pass’ on a restaurant, why should I try it?”
Health inspectors pass or fail restaurants. A joke about this is: "If even the inspector says "Pass" on a restaurant, why should I try it?" The joke was posted on Reddit --…
“If ever you’re feeling sad, just go for a run…” (joke)
"If ever you're feeling sad, just go for a run" might, at first, seem like good advice. However, a joke often follows this. "If you’re ever sad, just go for a run. Then…
“If every book is a #1 New York Times best seller, which books are the number 2?”
The New York (NY) Times has a Book Review section, and it has had a weekly best seller list since October 12, 1931. There are many categories. For many people who buy books, it often seems that…
“If every day is a gift, then today was socks”
"If every day is a gift, then today was socks" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Socks" sounds like "sucks" and represents something…
“If every offensive series ends with a kick, that’s not all bad” (football adage)
New York Jets head football coach Herman Edwards told his team in 2005: "I'm happy as long as we're kicking the ball. Extra points, field goals and punts, doesn't matter. As…
“If everybody’s thinking alike, somebody isn’t thinking”
"If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking" is often credited to General George S. Patton, Jr. (1885-1945). Patton might have said it, but "If everybody is…