“I’m thinking about getting a pet to take jogging with me. Maybe a turtle”
Many people jog/run with their dogs. "I can't run fast enough to take my dog jogging, so I got a pet turtle" was posted on Facebook by Mark Renfroe on December 15, 2017.…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’m thinking about joining the cicadas this summer & screaming constantly”
"Might join the cicadas this summer & scream constantly" (also "I'm thinking about joining the cicadas this summer & screaming constantly") is a jocular summer…
“I’m thinking about pursuing a job as a crowd estimator. I wonder how many are in that field”
A joke about the job of estimating crowds is: "I am thinking about pursuing a job as a crowd estimator. I wonder how many people are in that field." The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes…
“I’m thinking about running a marathon again” (joke)
A joke about running the marathon was cited on reddit in November 2015: Me: "I'm thinking about running a marathon again."Her: "Wow, you have ran a marathon before?"Me:…
“I’m thrilled to announce that I’ve just about had it”
"I'm excited to announce that I've just about had it" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is fed up with circumstances (such as at a job) and…
“I’m tired of eating the same shit. We need some new animals. I want a 6pc unicorn”
"I'm really tired of eating the same shit, but ain't no new animals coming out" was posted on X/Twitter by Musically_Inclined on March 28, 2017. "I'm really tired of…
“I’m tired of seeing ya’ll enjoying summer. Get a job and be miserable like the rest of us”
"I'm tired of seeing ya'll enjoying summer. Get a job and be miserable like the rest of us" is a jocular summer saying that has been printed on many images. "Hope every had…
“I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener”
"The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" is an old proverb meaning that everyone's situation in life is seemingly (if not actually) more desirable than one's…
“I’m too embarrassed to go to my kindergarten reunion. I’ve put on, like, 130 pounds since then”
People often gain weight after they leave school and reunions can be frightening -- but a kindergarten reunion? "I declined an invitation to my Kindergarten Reunion because...well, you know,…
“I’m trying to get into the Christmas spirit, but the damn bottle won’t open!”
"I'm trying to get into the Christmas spirit, but the damn bottle won't open!" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. "Is trying to get into the Christmas…
“I’m trying to kick dairy and now I’ve got the milk shakes”
"I'm trying to kick dairy and now I've got the milk shakes" is a jocular one-line saying that was cited on Twitter on September 3, 2014. The joke started to become popular on…
“I’m using food in my magic act, crushing garlic, basil and pine nuts, then…pesto!”
"Presto!" should not be confused with "pesto," but a joke was posted on Twitter by FP Lamb on February 10, 2014: "I've started using food in my magic act. I start by…
“I’m very good friends with the other members of my time travelling club. We go back years”
There are many timely jokes about time travel. "Very good friends with the other members of my time travelling club. We go back years" was posted on Facebook by punsandoneliners.com on…
“I’m very pleased with my new fridge magnet. So far I’ve got twelve fridges”
A refrigerator (or "fridge") magnet sticks to a refrigerator, but certainly isn't powerful enough to pull in a refrigerator. A joke was posted on Twitter on January 28, 2011:…
“I’m walking on a treadmill. I named it Sunshine. I’m walking on Sunshine”
"I'm walking on sunshine woahhhh I'm walking on sunshine woahhh wait it's a treadmill ..." was posted on Twitter by Anna Craig on April 9, 2010. The song "Walking on…
“I’m willing to die for my rights. Are you willing to die trying to take them from me?”
"I'm willing to die for my rights. Are you willing to die trying to take them from me?" (also "I'm willing to die protecting my rights. Are you willing to die to take…
“I’m willing to die protecting my 2nd amendment rights. Are you willing to die trying to take them?”
"I'm willing to die for my rights. Are you willing to die trying to take them from me?" (also "I'm willing to die protecting my rights. Are you willing to die to take…
“I’m willing to die protecting my rights. Are you willing to die trying to take them from me?”
"I'm willing to die for my rights. Are you willing to die trying to take them from me?" (also "I'm willing to die protecting my rights. Are you willing to die to take…
“I’m with stupid”
"I'm with stupid" is a saying that has been printed on many T-shirts and posters, usually with an arrow or finger pointing to the "stupid" person. "I'm with…
“I’m wondering why brain cells die, skin cells die, your hair follicles die, but fat cells…”
"Brain cells die, skin cells die, even hair cells die. But FAT CELLS...must have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior because they seem to have eternal life" is a jocular saying…