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July 10, 2016
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I want anarchy. Because my keyboard is missing one”

"Anarchy" can sound like "an 'R' key," and there's a pun: "I want anarchy. Because my keyboard is missing one." The joke was posted on Reddit on July 9,…

February 8, 2019
Food/Drink

“I want food, cuddles, attention and exercise. I’m basically a puppy”

"I want food, cuddles, attention and exercise. I'm basically a puppy" (or "All I want is food, cuddles, attention and exercise. I'm basically a puppy") is a jocular…

February 8, 2023
Food/Drink

“I want fresh ice cubes! None of that frozen shit!”

"Fresh not frozen" might be a food preference, but this does not apply to ice cubes. However, there are jokes. "I want fresh ice cubes! None of that frozen shit! Lol! RT" was…

October 4, 2024
Food/Drink

“I want hot, steamy, earth shattering, mind-blowing… COFFEE”

"I need some hot, steamy, earth shattering, mind-blowing... COFFEE!" (or "I want hot, steamy, earth shattering, mind-blowing... COFFEE") is a jocular coffee saying that has been…

February 20, 2026
Food/Drink

“I want my coffee so strong it shows up on a drug test”

Some people want coffee so strong that it shows up in drug tests. This is just a joke, since caffeine is usually not the subject of drug testing. "'How strong do you like your…

February 20, 2026
Food/Drink

“I want my coffee so strong it would get somebody stripped of their Olympic gold medal”

Some people want coffee so strong that it shows up in drug tests. This was posted on X/Twitter by Jonathan Edward Durham on May 30, 2024: "I want my coffee so strong it would get somebody…

June 6, 2010
Food/Drink

“I want my food dead—not sick, not wounded—dead”

A line in Woody Allen's 1966 Broadway comedy, Don't Drink the Water, has become much-quoted with food writers: "WALTER. I will not eat oysters. They're alive when you eat them.…

December 11, 2020
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I want to be a bartender.  Men named Bart… look out”

"Bartender" should not be confused with "Bart ender," but there are jokes. "I want to be a bartender. Men named Bart... look out" was posted on Twitter by Caitlyn Beth…

May 8, 2021
Work/Businesses

“I want to be a nice person, but everyone is just so stupid”

"I want to be a nice person, but everyone is just so stupid" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I want to be a nice person, but people are just so fucking…

May 8, 2021
Work/Businesses

“I want to be a nice person, but everyone is so stupid”

"I want to be a nice person, but everyone is just so stupid" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I want to be a nice person, but people are just so fucking…

May 8, 2021
Work/Businesses

“I want to be a nice person, but people are so stupid”

"I want to be a nice person, but everyone is just so stupid" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I want to be a nice person, but people are just so fucking…

December 1, 2024
Pets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“I want to be the person my dog thinks I am”

"I want to be the person my dog thinks i am" is a saying that has been printed on many images. There have been many slightly different forms of the saying. Dog owners want to feel…

June 8, 2024
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole”

"I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole" is a jocular social media saying that has been printed on many images. The ssaying was posted on…

May 11, 2019
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I want to create a world where the environment doesn’t need protecting”

"I don't want to protect the environment, I want to create a world where the environment doesn't need protecting" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying…

March 3, 2022
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women”

A popular joke has a fairy (or genie) grant a person a wish. The person wishes to live forever, but the fairy says he can't do that. Then the person says that he/she wants to die the day after…

April 23, 2020
Food/Drink

“I want to grow my own food, but I can’t find any bacon seeds”

"I want to grow my own food, but I can’t find any bacon seeds" -- bacon does not have seeds -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm trying to be…

August 5, 2024
Food/Drink

“I want to grow my own food, but I haven’t been able to find donut seeds”

Donuts (or "doughnuts") aren't healthy and do not grow from seeds, but there are jokes. "Was thinking today i might try to grow some of my own food... Where do you buy donut and…

May 28, 2015
Food/Drink

“I want to grow my own food, but no one makes pizza seeds”

"I want to grow my own food, but no one makes pizza seeds" is a jocular one-line saying. "I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds" was cited on Twitter on…

March 13, 2017
Food/Drink

“I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers”

The Food Network often gets its viewers hungry. "I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. "Wonders if the…

March 13, 2017
Radio/Television

“I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers”

The Food Network often gets its viewers hungry. "I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. "Wonders if the…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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