An avocado is ripe for only a very brief time, and there are jokes. "I wanted to go out tonight, but the avocado I bought this wk will finally be ripe enough to eat between 8pm-8:15pm -- so I…
Students studying English are often told not to end a sentence with a preposition. The joke about a jailed English teacher having a marriage offer to "end a sentence with a proposition"…
A joke about a silent auction was posted on the website Pun of the Day on May 20, 2018: "I wanted to bid at the silent auction, but it was not aloud." The bid was not "aloud" (a…
"I wanted to say everything was okie dokie artichokie but to be honest it’s been extra horrendous asparagus" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images, credited to a…
"I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. There are several variations of the…
Water skiing doesn't require a slope (like a ski slope), but there are jokes. "Joe Kowalski hasn't used his new water-skis yet; he can't find a sloping lake: was printed in The…
Many churches have stained windows. "I was a rubbish church window cleaner. I got rid of all the stains" was printed in The Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book (2010) by English writer,…
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight" said comedian Rita Rudner, who was probably exaggerating her vegetarianism. The one-line saying has been published on many…
Can Wikipedia explain everything? A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on March 9, 2015: "I was accused of illegally downloading the entirety of Wikipedia. I told them I could explain…
"Cold turkey" is defined as a sudden stop to a dependency (such as smoking or drugs). "Now Xmas is over for my new years resolution i’m going to beat my addiction to frozen poultry…
The Hokey-Pokey dance has the singer explain to the dancers: “You put your (leg/arm) in, you put your (leg/arm) out, you put your (leg/arm) in and you shake it all about. You do the Hokey-Pokey…
Students who pass an exam easily are said to do so "with flying colors." It's sometimes joked that the test was a fireworks exam. "Just passed the fireworks inspection with…
"I was an honor student -- I don't know what happened" is a popular bumper sticker. The bumper sticker is a parody of the "My child is an honor student" bumper stickers.…
Many people watch a lot of television. "Some guy on live at the Apollo just said, 'I watch a lot of the TV. I even sometimes watch the whole screen'" was posted on Twitter on…
To "not have the stomach for (something)" means to lack the courage, determination, or resolve to do it. The idiom usually doesn't involve the stomach, but there are belly dancing…
"You can't make it up!" usually isn't taken literally, but there are climbing wall jokes. "I was at a climbing center the other day, but someone had stolen all the grips…
"I was attacked by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just been gang raped by a group of mime artists. . .…
"Whenever I hear the phrase 'Power of Attorney' I always imagine someone being bitten by a radioactive lawyer" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by JerryThomas on June 24,…
"I wasn't born yesterday!" is an expression dating from at least the 18th century meaning that a person is not so naive about a matter (financial or otherwise). "I was born at…
"I was meant to be rich. I can tell by the way I spend money" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I was born to be rich, I can tell by the way i spend"…