“I want to live with the NY Jets. They don’t beat anybody”
A classic sports joke about a losing team (insert any team's name) has a judge deciding custody in a divorce proceeding. The child says that both his father and his mother beat him.…
“I want to make a font joke, but I’m just not bold enough”
“@iNusku: I want to make a font joke, but I'm just not bold enough" (the original tweet is no longer available) was posted on X/Twitter by Pkitass on May 24, 2011. "I would make a…
“I want to make pancakes, but I keep waffling”
"I want to make pancakes, but I keep waffling" -- "waffling" is a joke on "waffles" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on a sign. "This morning the…
“I want to open a BDSM-themed sandwich shop called Dom’s Subs”
"Dominance and submission" or "dom/sub" does not apply to "sub" sandwiches, but there are jokes. "thegutlesswonder: a bdsm themed sandwich shop called Dom’s…
“I want to open a two dollar store for people that enjoy the finer things”
What's classier than a dollar store? "I want to open a two dollar store for people that enjoy the finer things" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images.…
“I want to start juicing but I’m hesitant because I don’t know how to juice tacos”
"I want to start juicing but I'm hesitant because I don't know how to juice tacos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“I want to start juicing, but I’m hesitant because I don’t know how to juice pizza”
"I want to start juicing, but I'm hesitant because I don't know how to juice a pizza" is a jocular saying about juicing that has been printed on an image. According to the…
“I want to start selling an alcoholic fermented rice wine spiked with viagra—For Fucks Saké”
Saké is Japanese rice wine. It looks like the word "sake," and is sometimes used jocularly in the expression "for fuck's sake." "for fuck's sake (like for…
“I want to stop drinking coffee but the owner of Starbucks has a family to feed”
"I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. There are several variations of the…
“I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary” (Yogi Berra Night)
New York Yankees rookie player Yogi Berra (1925-2015) was honored with a Yogi Berra Night on June 6, 1947 at his old neighborhood in St. Louis, Missouri. Berra wrote in the book When You Come to a…
“I wanted still water.”/“This is sparkling, yes, but it’s still water.”
"Still water" is a term that has had a few puns, such as this one, posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on April 11, 2017: "What do you get if you take the bubbles out of sparkling water? I…
“I wanted to be a stenographer, but they told me they are not short-handed at the moment”
A stenography pun is: "I wanted to be a stenographer, but they told me they are not short-handed at the moment." The "short-handed" joke has been cited in print since at least…
“I wanted to buy a half a rabbit, but the butcher didn’t want to split hares”
A "hare"/"hair" pun was published in Family Weekly magazine in November 1976: A woman who lived alone had an urge to cook a rabbit stew when she saw a rabbit displayed in a…
“I wanted to do panic buying, I checked my account… I can only panic”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic buying in many stores. "U can only panic buy if ur loaded. I won't be panic buying" was posted on Twitter by jacqueline shirley on…
“I wanted to do some panic buying today, but after checking my bank account all I can do is panic”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic buying in many stores. "U can only panic buy if ur loaded. I won't be panic buying" was posted on Twitter by jacqueline shirley on…
“I wanted to follow my dreams, but they blocked me”
"Follow your dreams" is a common saying that has been printed on many images. It usually doesn't refer to a follow on social media, but there are jokes. "I wanted to follow my…
“I wanted to give a fuck today, but it clashes with my outfit”
"I wanted to give a fuck today, but it clashes with my outfit" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I wanted to give a fuck today but it clashes with my…
“I wanted to go jogging but Proverbs 28:1 says, ‘the wicked run when no one is chasing them’”
"I wanted to go jogging but Proverbs 28:1 says, 'the wicked run when no one is chasing them,' so there's that" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The…
“I wanted to go out tonight, but the avocado I bought last week will finally be ripe…” (joke)
An avocado is ripe for only a very brief time, and there are jokes. "I wanted to go out tonight, but the avocado I bought this wk will finally be ripe enough to eat between 8pm-8:15pm -- so I…
“I wanted to go running but Proverbs 28:1 says, ‘the wicked run when no one is chasing them’”
"I wanted to go jogging but Proverbs 28:1 says, 'the wicked run when no one is chasing them,' so there's that" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The…