“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names/words will never harm me” is a classic children's rhyme. A joke variation was posted on Twitter by Steph Marie on May 5, 2011: "I used…
Parents often say that their kids have it easy. As an example, they sometimes exaggerate how difficult it was for them to walk to school. They walked miles -- and it was uphill both ways! The joke…
"I used to wonder what it’d be like to read other people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account, and I’m over it" is a jocular Facebook saying that has been printed on many images.…
A Count Dracula joke has him as "Count Spatula." "What do you call a vampire who makes pancakes? Count Spatula" was posted on Facebook by Sandra Crawford Wilson on April…
"Mr. Nice Guy" should not be confused with "Mr. Knife Guy," but there are jokes. "The UK's sole remaining cutlery repair business closed today. No more Mr Knife…
"I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded" is a pun that was posted on the newsgroup alt.tasteless.jokes on February 23, 2001. Blankets are folded frequently. “I used to run…
A company that's bankrupt and closes is said to have "gone under" (as if buried). There are several diving company/school jokes. "Friend's had to cancel his deep sea diving…
"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place" is a popular parking joke from American stand-up comedian Steven Wright. Wright said on his…
Is working in a shoe shop "sole-destroying"? "I think I'll leave the shoe shop soon and find a better paying job"/"One that's not so sole-destroying?" was…
Some jobs are "counter productive, but what if it's a job making counters? "My dad used to work in a tiddlywink factory. But he didn’t like it. He said it was counter…
A watch has a face, and there is a very old joke about that. "I have two jobs open. I've got a chance to go making faces in a watch factory or drawing mugs in a beer hall" was…
"I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead" (or "I ran out of sick days, so I called in dead") is an office saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as…
A joke about time was submitted by Tom Ward to the Edinburgh (Scotland) Festival Fringe in August 2015: "I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time." The…
A joke about "blood sugar level" mistakes that term for the shelf that sugar is stored on. "Doctor told my Friend her sugar is too high she move her sugar container to a lower…
"I wake up with a good attitude every day. Then idiots happen" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I wake up with a good attitude everyday, but then idiots…
"I wake up with a good attitude every day. Then idiots happen" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I wake up with a good attitude everyday, but then idiots…
"Mist" for the word "missed" is a common weather pun. "I haven't the foggiest idea or have I mist the point, sorry my thoughts are a bit cloudy at the moment!"…
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A pun on the terms "double martini" and "body double" is: "I…
A joke about the homeless is: "I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, 'One day, this could be you.' So I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's…
Hotel guests often forget their rooms. A joke was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on March 12, 2012: "I walked up to reception in the hotel and said, 'Sorry but I forgot what room…