“I was addicted to eating frozen poultry, but I quit cold turkey”
"Cold turkey" is defined as a sudden stop to a dependency (such as smoking or drugs). "Now Xmas is over for my new years resolution i’m going to beat my addiction to frozen poultry…
"Cold turkey" is defined as a sudden stop to a dependency (such as smoking or drugs). "Now Xmas is over for my new years resolution i’m going to beat my addiction to frozen poultry…
The Hokey-Pokey dance has the singer explain to the dancers: “You put your (leg/arm) in, you put your (leg/arm) out, you put your (leg/arm) in and you shake it all about. You do the Hokey-Pokey…
Students who pass an exam easily are said to do so "with flying colors." It's sometimes joked that the test was a fireworks exam. "Just passed the fireworks inspection with…
"I was an honor student -- I don't know what happened" is a popular bumper sticker. The bumper sticker is a parody of the "My child is an honor student" bumper stickers.…
Many people watch a lot of television. "Some guy on live at the Apollo just said, 'I watch a lot of the TV. I even sometimes watch the whole screen'" was posted on Twitter on…
"I was attacked by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just been gang raped by a group of mime artists. . .…
"Whenever I hear the phrase 'Power of Attorney' I always imagine someone being bitten by a radioactive lawyer" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by JerryThomas on June 24,…
"I wasn't born yesterday!" is an expression dating from at least the 18th century meaning that a person is not so naive about a matter (financial or otherwise). "I was born at…
"I was meant to be rich. I can tell by the way I spend money" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I was born to be rich, I can tell by the way i spend"…
A pun about vocabulary homework is: "I was doing my vocabulary homework when suddenly I felt dizzy. I had to sit for a spell." The joke was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on September 2,…
"I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before" is a joke that has been printed on many images. The joke is that…
The word "legendary" has had some "ledge and dairy" (or "ledge 'n' dairy") puns. "Ledge n dairy" was posted on Twitter by Dan on March 12, 2009.…
"I was driving to the airport to catch my flight when I saw a sign that said: 'Airport Left.' So I turned around and went home" is an old joke, told about a blonde, an Irishman…
Many jokes have been told about female drivers. One joke was posted on Twitter on March 5, 2010: "I was driving to work today and saw a woman driving down the road with her hazard lights on.…
If a scallion starts to rhyme, does that make it a "rap scallion"? There have been many puns. "And J.M. is an unsavory rap-scallion"/"Scallions do rap music? I did not know…
"No stone left unturned" is a popular idiom. "No tern left unstoned" is a spoonerism. "The professional punster leaves no phrase unturned as in the case of him who said of…
"If ever you're feeling sad, just go for a run" might, at first, seem like good advice. However, a joke often follows this. "If you’re ever sad, just go for a run. Then…
A finance joke was posted on Reddit on November 23, 2016 (just before Thanksgiving): "I was very lonely so I bought some shares. It's nice to have a bit of company." The joke was…
"Hard at work" is a saying that can also have a sexual connotation. "I got fired from my job as a porn actor because i wasnt always hard at work" was posted on Twitter on August…
There is a pun about work "shifts." "I got fired for putting in extra shifts at work. It's what you get for working in a keyboard factory" was posted on Twitter on March…