“I slept in a bed of rice last night. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pilau”
"Pilaf" (U.S. spelling) is a rice dish that is spelled "pilau" in the United Kingdom, and, of course, there are "pillow" jokes. "I slept in a bed of rice last…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I snow. He snew. We snode”
"It snode" (for "it snowed") is a snow spelling/saying/meme that has been printed on many images. "It snew" has also been used and the Merriam-Webster Dictionary…
“I sold fake eclipse glasses. but those suckers will never see me again”
There was a solar eclipse on August 21, 2017. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 24, 2017: "This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses. I'm not to…
“I sometimes wonder if my phone call has ever been used for quality or training purposes”
A business often states that a phone conversation with a customer may be recorded and used for training or quality purposes. "Sometimes I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for…
“I sometimes wonder if Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima are married to each other”
Uncle Ben's is a brand name for rice products. Aunt Jemima is a brand name for pancake mixes and syrups. People sometimes joke that Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima are married, and this has been…
“I souport publik edukashun”
"Public education" is often jocularly misspelled "publik edukashun" to ridicule its quality. ""Another brilyunt mind diztroyed by the publik edukashun sistum" has…
“I speak fluent French (fries)”
"I speak French (fries)" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I speak fluent French (fries)" has also been printed on many images. "I speak French…
“I speak French (fries)”
"I speak French (fries)" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I speak fluent French (fries)" has also been printed on many images. "I speak French…
“I spend a lot of time holding the fridge door open looking for answers”
"I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Andy…
“I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer”
"I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Andy…
“I spent $1,000, but the limo had no driver. All that money with nothing to chauffeur it”
"Chauffeur" can sound like "show for." "I hate my job as a personal limo driver. A lot of long hours with nothing to chauffeur it..." was posted on Twitter by 🎗…
“I spent a year in that town, one Sunday”
"I spent a year in that town, one Sunday" is what someone from a big city might say about a small town. The quote has been cited in print since at least 1937 and has been credited to…
“I spent four years in college and didn’t learn anything. Double majored in psych & reverse psych”
American actor, writer and comedian B. J. Novak told this joke in his stand-up comedy act by at least 2003: "I learned nothing in college. It really was kind of my own fault. I had a double…
“I spent my entire life savings on pasta. It was worth every penne”
"Penne" (a type of pasta) can sound like "penny," and there are jokes about it being "worth every penne." "How did I enjoy my pasta dish? It was worth every…
“I spent three weeks trying to stuff the Thanksgiving turkey—through the beak”
American comedian Phyllis Diller is credited with a popular Thanksgiving line: "I spent three weeks trying to stuff the Thanksgiving turkey -- through the beak." Diller included the joke…
“I spent too much money on video games this month. All of my savings have gone up in Steam”
Steam is a platform for video games. Money often goes "up in smoke," but a video gaming joke is: "I spent too much money on video games this month. All of my savings have gone up in…
“I spread missing information”
"I spread missing information" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is a twist of "spread misinformation." "Just saw a tee shirt, it said : I SPREAD…
“I squint at the sun because it is bright. I squint at people because they are not”
"We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "We squint at the sun because…
“I squint at the sun because it’s bright. I squint at people because they aren’t”
"We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "We squint at the sun because…
“I squint at the sun because it’s bright. I squint at people because they’re not”
"We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "We squint at the sun because…