“I wanted to do panic buying, I checked my account… I can only panic”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic buying in many stores. "U can only panic buy if ur loaded. I won't be panic buying" was posted on Twitter by jacqueline shirley on…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I wanted to do some panic buying today, but after checking my bank account all I can do is panic”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic buying in many stores. "U can only panic buy if ur loaded. I won't be panic buying" was posted on Twitter by jacqueline shirley on…
“I wanted to give a fuck today, but it clashes with my outfit”
"I wanted to give a fuck today, but it clashes with my outfit" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I wanted to give a fuck today but it clashes with my…
“I wanted to go jogging but Proverbs 28:1 says, ‘the wicked run when no one is chasing them’”
"I wanted to go jogging but Proverbs 28:1 says, 'the wicked run when no one is chasing them,' so there's that" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The…
“I wanted to go out tonight, but the avocado I bought last week will finally be ripe…” (joke)
An avocado is ripe for only a very brief time, and there are jokes. "I wanted to go out tonight, but the avocado I bought this wk will finally be ripe enough to eat between 8pm-8:15pm -- so I…
“I wanted to go running but Proverbs 28:1 says, ‘the wicked run when no one is chasing them’”
"I wanted to go jogging but Proverbs 28:1 says, 'the wicked run when no one is chasing them,' so there's that" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The…
“I wanted to go to the gym tonight, but the avocado I bought last week will finally be ripe…”
An avocado is ripe for only a very brief time, and there are jokes. "I wanted to go out tonight, but the avocado I bought this wk will finally be ripe enough to eat between 8pm-8:15pm -- so I…
“I wanted to marry my jailed English teacher, but you can’t end a sentence with a proposition”
Students studying English are often told not to end a sentence with a preposition. The joke about a jailed English teacher having a marriage offer to "end a sentence with a proposition"…
“I wanted to place a bid at the silent auction, but it was not aloud”
A joke about a silent auction was posted on the website Pun of the Day on May 20, 2018: "I wanted to bid at the silent auction, but it was not aloud." The bid was not "aloud" (a…
“I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed”
"I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. There are several variations of the…
“I wanted to try water skiing but I couldn’t find a sloping lake”
Water skiing doesn't require a slope (like a ski slope), but there are jokes. "Joe Kowalski hasn't used his new water-skis yet; he can't find a sloping lake: was printed in The…
“I was a rubbish church window cleaner. I got rid of all the stains”
Many churches have stained windows. "I was a rubbish church window cleaner. I got rid of all the stains" was printed in The Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book (2010) by English writer,…
“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight”
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight" said comedian Rita Rudner, who was probably exaggerating her vegetarianism. The one-line saying has been published on many…
“I was accused of illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia. I said I could explain everything”
Can Wikipedia explain everything? A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on March 9, 2015: "I was accused of illegally downloading the entirety of Wikipedia. I told them I could explain…
“I was addicted to eating frozen poultry, but I quit cold turkey”
"Cold turkey" is defined as a sudden stop to a dependency (such as smoking or drugs). "Now Xmas is over for my new years resolution i’m going to beat my addiction to frozen poultry…
“I was addicted to the Hokey-Pokey, but I turned myself around”
The Hokey-Pokey dance has the singer explain to the dancers: “You put your (leg/arm) in, you put your (leg/arm) out, you put your (leg/arm) in and you shake it all about. You do the Hokey-Pokey…
“I was afraid I might fail my fireworks exam, but I passed with flying colors”
Students who pass an exam easily are said to do so "with flying colors." It's sometimes joked that the test was a fireworks exam. "Just passed the fireworks inspection with…
“I was an honor student—I don’t know what happened” (bumper sticker)
"I was an honor student -- I don't know what happened" is a popular bumper sticker. The bumper sticker is a parody of the "My child is an honor student" bumper stickers.…
“I was asked how much television I watch. I said that I usually watch the whole screen”
Many people watch a lot of television. "Some guy on live at the Apollo just said, 'I watch a lot of the TV. I even sometimes watch the whole screen'" was posted on Twitter on…
“I was attacked by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me”
"I was attacked by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just been gang raped by a group of mime artists. . .…