“If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it”
"A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If you have ties or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it" (also, "If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna give you trouble"…
“If it looks good, it flies good” (aviation adage)
"Looks good & flies good" was printed in the Los Angeles (CA) Times in an aircraft classified ad on June 30, 1968. "The saying in World War II was that if it looks good it flies…
“If it’s not Boeing, I’m not going”
Boeing is an aircraft manufacturing company with corporate headquarters in Chicago, Illinois. "If It's Not Boeing, I'm Not Going" is a slogan that Boeing itself has promoted…
“If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn?”
The Dodge Brothers brand of automobiles began in 1914. Almost immediately, a popular joke was told that it was the only car that didn't need a horn -- because it says "Dodge" on the…
“If the wheels aren’t turning, you’re not earning” (trucking adage)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Washington (DC) PostStoryline ⋅ The way we workThe Department of Transportation wants truckers to sleep more. Congress said no.The cromnibus temporarily rolled back some…
“If two wrongs don’t make a right, what do two rights make?”/“An airplane.”
A popular aviation riddle about the Wright Brothers is: Q: If two wrongs don't make a right, what do two rights make?A: An airplane. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1969.…
“If underground trains are called subways, are above ground trains called domways?”
“Dominance and submission” or “dom/sub” doesn't mean that for every "subway" there must exist also a "domway," but there are jokes. Some jokes involve the…
“If you bought it, a truck brought it”
"If you bought it, a truck(er) brought it" is a popular bumper sticker slogan -- especially on trucks, of course. "You name it -- if you bought it, a truck brought it!" was…
“If you can read this, I’m faster than you”
"If you can read this, I'm faster than you" is a biking saying that has been printed on many images. "If you can read this, I'm faster than you" was printed in the…
“If you can read this, I’m not going fast enough”
"If you can read this, I'm not going fast enough" is a popular bumper sticker. The saying was included in "Stick It Up Your Bumper: Witty little ditties say a lot about car…
“If you can’t afford a Dodge, dodge a Ford”
"If you can't afford a Dodge, dodge a Ford" is one of the oldest of automotive puns and has been especially popular in Australia and New Zealand. Ford began in 1903 and Dodge began…
“If you don’t swear while driving, you are the reason other people on the road are swearing”
"If you don't swear while driving, you are the reason other people on the road are swearing" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If you don't swear while…
“If you don’t use fast food napkins as Kleenex in your car…”
Many people order drive-through fast food, then use the extra fast food napkins as "Kleenex" facial tissues. "If you don't use fast food napkins as Kleenex in your car, you must…
“If you don’t moo every time you drive past cows, what are you doing with your life?”
Many people can't drive past cows without saying "cows" or "moo." "You're never too old to say 'cows' when you drive past some cows" was posted on…
“If you don’t swear while driving, then you’re not paying attention to the road at all”
"If you don’t swear while driving, then you’re not paying attention to the road at all" is a jocular statement that has been printed on many images. The saying was cited in print…
“If you drink like a fish, swim—don’t drive”
"If you drink like a fish, swim -- don't drive" is a popular bumper sticker. "If you drink like a fish, don't drive. swim" was cited in print in July 1959 and credited…
“If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?”/“U r a bus.”
Subaru is a Japanese automaker. Many people have noticed that "Subaru" spelled backwards is "u r a bus" (you are a bus). "Billy Sage says that for economy you can't…
“If you drive past cows and don’t say ‘cows,’ you’re a psychopath”
Many people can't drive past cows without saying "cows" or "moo." "You're never too old to say 'cows' when you drive past some cows" was posted on…
“If you drive past cows and don’t ‘moo’ at them, you’re a psychopath”
Many people can't drive past cows without saying "cows" or "moo." "You're never too old to say 'cows' when you drive past some cows" was posted on…
“If you drive past horses and don’t say ‘horses,’ you’re a psychopath”
Many people can't drive past horses without pointing it out to others in the car. "idc how old you are if you drive past horses you're going to say 'horsies'" was…