“If you get sick in an airport, it might be terminal illness”
"I keep getting sick when I go to the Airport. I'm worried it might be Terminal" is an airport pun that was posted on Twitter on November 29, 2011. "If you get sick in an…
“If you honk at me, I will cry” (bumper sticker)
"Please don't honk at me. I'll cry" (also "If you honk at me, I will cry" and "Please don't honk at me. I'm probably already crying") is a bumper…
“If you keep a baseball bat in your car, also keep a glove. Your lawyer will thank you”
"If you keep a baseball bat in your car, also keep a glove. Your lawyer will thank you" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Many people have a baseball bat in their…
“If you look like your passport photo, you need the trip”
"Passport pictures are notoriously unpleasant and unflattering," the New York (NY) Times published in September 1930. A popular line appeared in an Associated Press story in June 1954:…
“If you rarely drive on snow, just pretend you’re taking your grandma to church…”
Southerners don't like to drive in the snow. A tip was posted on Twitter by Chad Sullivan on January 15, 2018, and this was later posted on the 6 a.m. newscast weather report of WBTV, the CBS…
“If you see something, say something” (safety slogan)
"If you see something, say something" was the Metropolitan Transit Authority's 2003 response to terrorism. The trademarked slogan (used on buses and trains) was created by Allen Kay,…
“If you want the traffic light to turn green, look for something in your glovebox”
Waiting at a red light can seemingly take a long time. However, if someone wants to do a small task at the red light (such as sipping a drink), the traffic light seems to turn green right away.…
“If you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair” (bumper sticker)
"If you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair and make me scream!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. The bumper sticker saying was cited on…
“If you’re gonna hit my car, make sure you kill me” (bumper sticker)
"If you're gonna hit my car, make sure you kill me" is a bumper sticker saying that has been printed on many images. Reddit -- Funny Albuyeh -- February 22, 2024 A bumper sticker has…
“If you’re not meant to drink and drive, then why do you need a driver’s license to buy alcohol?”
Entry in progress -- BP “I mostly use my driver’s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive” is a related saying. X/Twitter 🇺🇸Jeff Markise🇺🇸 @MarkiseJeff If you…
“If you’ve never missed a plane, you’ve spent too much time in airports”
"If you've never missed a plane, you've spent too much time in airports" is a saying that means one shouldn't be too careful to avoid all misfortune at all costs; some risk…
“If you’re on a Boeing flight, it’s not cringe anymore to clap when the plane lands”
Many people clap when their plane lands and it's the end of a safe flight. Experienced travelers often cringe at the clapping. However, in 2023 and 2024, Boeing had several highly publicized…
“If your boat turns upside down, you can wear it on your head. It’s capsized”
A riddle was posted on Twitter on January 15, 2013: Q: When can you wear a boat on your head? A: When it's capsized. "Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if…
“If your electric car runs out of power on the interstate, do you walk to a charging station to get a bucket of electricity?”
"If your electric car runs out of power on the interstate, do you walk to a charging station to get a bucket of electricity?" is a question that has been printed on many images. The joke…
“If your kids want to learn to drive, don’t stand in their way”
"Don't stand in their way" usually means don't oppose, but a joke takes this literally. "Our friend, E. J. Canada, over in Luther, says that if your wife wants to learn to…
“If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way”
"If your wife want to learn to drive, don't stand in her way" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Warning: If your wife wants to learn to drive,…
“If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way”
"Don't stand in their way" usually means don't oppose, but a joke takes this literally. "Our friend, E. J. Canada, over in Luther, says that if your wife wants to learn to…
“Imagine an atheist stuck at a green light behind a car with a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ sticker”
"Honk if you love Jesus" is a popular bumper sticker that has been cited in print since at least 1971. A question was posted on the newsgroup alt.religion.christian-teen on March 28,…
“In life, you are either a passenger or a pilot. It’s your choice”
"In life, you are either a passenger of a pilot. It's your choice" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on February 20,…
“Is a clean restroom at an airport doody free?”
"Duty free" shouldn't be confused with "doody free," but there are jokes. "I love clean airport jokes! They are always doody free" was posted on X/Twitter by…