“If cars had an ‘I’m sorry’ horn, there would probably be a lot less road rage”
People honk their car horns as a warning to other drivers. Some call it a "you stupid bastard horn" or a "fuck you horn." CraigBailey.net suggested a "sorry horn" on…
“If driven carefully, please report stolen” (bumper sticker)
"If driven carefully, please report stolen" is a jocular bumper sticker saying on many vehicles. "Seen on back of white van: 'If driven carefully, please report as…
“If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets”
"If God had intended us to fly, He would have given us wings" is a popular anonymous proverb. The jet age of the 1960s added a different ending: "If God wanted us to fly, he would…
“If I spend 100 minutes with Geico, will I get free car insurance?”
A famous tagline for GEICO insurance ads is: "15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance." If you spend more than 15 minutes, could you save more money? "If I spend 100…
“If I stop my car so can walk across the street, I’d better see some hustle out of you. Knees to chest!”
"If I stop my car so can walk across the street, I'd better see some hustle out of you. Knees to chest!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "If I stop my…
“If I talk to you while I’m driving, I genuinely like you. Because that’s supposed to be my music time”
Many people usually listen to music while driving. "If I talk to you while I'm driving, I genuinely like you. Because that's supposed to be my music time" is a saying that has…
“If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it”
"A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If you have ties or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it" (also, "If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna give you trouble"…
“If it looks good, it flies good” (aviation adage)
"Looks good & flies good" was printed in the Los Angeles (CA) Times in an aircraft classified ad on June 30, 1968. "The saying in World War II was that if it looks good it flies…
“If it’s not Boeing, I’m not going”
Boeing is an aircraft manufacturing company with corporate headquarters in Chicago, Illinois. "If It's Not Boeing, I'm Not Going" is a slogan that Boeing itself has promoted…
“If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn?”
The Dodge Brothers brand of automobiles began in 1914. Almost immediately, a popular joke was told that it was the only car that didn't need a horn -- because it says "Dodge" on the…
“If the wheels aren’t turning, you’re not earning” (trucking adage)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Washington (DC) PostStoryline ⋅ The way we workThe Department of Transportation wants truckers to sleep more. Congress said no.The cromnibus temporarily rolled back some…
“If two wrongs don’t make a right, what do two rights make?”/“An airplane.”
A popular aviation riddle about the Wright Brothers is: Q: If two wrongs don't make a right, what do two rights make?A: An airplane. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1969.…
“If you bought it, a truck brought it”
"If you bought it, a truck(er) brought it" is a popular bumper sticker slogan -- especially on trucks, of course. "You name it -- if you bought it, a truck brought it!" was…
“If you can read this, I’m faster than you”
"If you can read this, I'm faster than you" is a biking saying that has been printed on many images. "If you can read this, I'm faster than you" was printed in the…
“If you can read this, I’m not going fast enough”
"If you can read this, I'm not going fast enough" is a popular bumper sticker. The saying was included in "Stick It Up Your Bumper: Witty little ditties say a lot about car…
“If you can’t afford a Dodge, dodge a Ford”
"If you can't afford a Dodge, dodge a Ford" is one of the oldest of automotive puns and has been especially popular in Australia and New Zealand. Ford began in 1903 and Dodge began…
“If you don’t swear while driving, you are the reason other people on the road are swearing”
"If you don't swear while driving, you are the reason other people on the road are swearing" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If you don't swear while…
“If you don’t use fast food napkins as Kleenex in your car…”
Many people order drive-through fast food, then use the extra fast food napkins as "Kleenex" facial tissues. "If you don't use fast food napkins as Kleenex in your car, you must…
“If you don’t moo every time you drive past cows, what are you doing with your life?”
Many people can't drive past cows without saying "cows" or "moo." "You're never too old to say 'cows' when you drive past some cows" was posted on…
“If you don’t swear while driving, then you’re not paying attention to the road at all”
"If you don’t swear while driving, then you’re not paying attention to the road at all" is a jocular statement that has been printed on many images. The saying was cited in print…