“I wish the liquor store had a rewards program”
Many people wish that liquor stores had rewards programs, like many other retail stores. Some liquor stores do have such programs. "I wish this liquor store by my apt had a rewards program.…
“I wonder if Mexicans ever say ‘let’s go to the White People’s Restaurant’”
"I wonder if Mexicans ever say 'let's go to the White People's Restaurant'" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "I Wonder If The Mexicans…
“I wonder if the Mexicans ever say ‘let’s go to the niggas restaurant’”
"I wonder if Mexicans ever say 'let's go to the White People's Restaurant'" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "I Wonder If The Mexicans…
“I work as a waiter and, no, the pay isn’t great, but I put food on the table”
"I work as a waiter and, no, the pay isn’t great, but I put food on the table" is a popular joke about the job of a waiter. "I work as a waiter. The pay isn't great but I put…
“I work with animals (...) I’m a butcher”
A joke is that a person "works with animals" -- and then it is revealed that this person is a butcher. "Best comment of the day...''I used to work with animals...Yhh…
“I would like monkey bars a lot more if they were more like places where monkeys got really drunk”
"Monkey bars" -- a piece of playground equipment also called a "jungle gym" -- do not serve alcohol. A jocular one-line saying was posted on Twitter on June 12, 2011: "I…
“I wouldn’t be in the checkout line if I hadn’t found everything I was looking for. So why ask if I found everything I was looking for?”
When a customer reaches a store's checkout, the customer is often asked if they found everything they were looking for. If a customer didn't find something, the store usually provides…
“I’d like extra hot fudge.”/“Sorry, all of our fudge is the same temperature.”
" can you pick up a peanut buster parfait for me, with extra hot fudge? (Sorry, all of our hot fudge is the same temperature...)" was posted on X/Twitter by Bill Jelen on August 2, 2013.…
“I’d like to buy a ham and cheese baguette with pickles.”/“Sorry, we only take cash or card.”
A deli joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on August 11, 2012: "So I said to the woman at the deli, 'I'd like to buy a ham and cheese baguette with pickles.' She said…
“I’ll have a café mocha vodka Valium latte to go, please”
"I'll have a café mocha vodka Valium latte to go, please" is a jocular order (combining various popular daily infusions) that has been printed on many images. “I’ll have a cafe…
“I’ll have burnt toast and cold coffee” (restaurant customer joke)
An old joke has a sarcastic restaurant customer ordering a terrible breakfast of hard eggs, burned and cold toast, and weak coffee. The waitress tells him that it would be difficult to make. The…
“I’ll have the mouse, please.”/“That’s mousse, sir.”
"Mousse" shouldn't be confused with "mouse" or "moose," but there are jokes. Wikipedia: MousseA mousse (/ˈmuːs/; French: [mus]; "foam") is a soft…
“I’ll never be okay with donut shops cutting a hole in my donut, then charging me separately for the same hole they robbed me of”
"I'll never be okay with donut shops cutting a hole in my donut, then charging me separately for the same hole they robbed me of" is a saying about donuts that has been printed on…
“I’ll take a Corona, hold the virus” (bar request)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic ad nothing to do with Corona beer, but there were jokes. One line had a customer walk into a bar and say to the bartender, "I'll take a Corona, hold the…
“I’m a Ph.D.—Pizza Hut Deliveryman”
Pizza Hut is an American pizza and pasta restaurant chain that offers sit-down service, as well as take-out and delivery. "I'm a Ph.D. -- Pizza Hut Deliveryman" is a joke a poor…
“I’m at the grocery store, lost in the eggs aisle”
"Exile" sounds like "eggs aisle," and there are jokes. "Eggs Aisle" is track 10 on Live from Space (2013), the first and only live album by American rapper Mac Miller…
“I’m fat because I’m full of experiences. And most of those experiences took place at restaurants”
"I'm fat because I'm full of experiences. And most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying…
“I’m going to a notable restaurant tonight. I’m excited, but I don’t know where I’ll put my plate”
There's a difference between a "notable" restaurant and a "no table" restaurant. "I'm going to a notable restaurant tonight. I'm excited, but I don't…
“I’m going to open a Vietnamese soup/Southern barbeque restaurant and call it Ph? Que”
What would a fusion restaurant serving Vietnamese "pho" and Southern barbecue ("Que" or "Cue" or "Q") be called? "I want to open a Vietnamese BBQ place…
“I’m going to the strip club. The chicken strip club. I mean Chick-Fil-A”
Chicken strips are deep fried pieces of chicken meat. "Chicken strips" doesn't mean that chicken takes off its clothes (strips), but there are jokes. A "chicken strip club"…