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August 23, 2021
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I went to Starbucks and asked for a medium roast. The barista said I had small ears”

A person who enters a coffee shop and orders a "medium roast" probably doesn't want a light ribbing, but there are many jokes. "Asked for a medium roast at Starbucks and the…

July 16, 2019
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I went to the grocery store. The sign said ‘no food or drink inside.’ So I went home”

Grocery stores often have a sign that says "No food or drink inside." The sign means that customers shouldn't bring food or drink inside the store, but it can be read the wrong way.…

December 7, 2020
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I went to the store to buy chicken broth, but they said they were out of stock”

"Out of stock" means that a business has no more of an item. It shouldn't be confused with the "stock" that is broth (bouillon), but there are jokes. "I went to buy…

April 8, 2020
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I wish I was rich enough to eat out all the time like the homeless do”

Some people want to eat out (at restaurants) all the time, but cannot afford it. The homeless don't have a home, so they, technically, always eat out. "Homeless people would save a lot of…

August 19, 2021
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I wish the liquor store had a rewards program”

Many people wish that liquor stores had rewards programs, like many other retail stores. Some liquor stores do have such programs. "I wish this liquor store by my apt had a rewards program.…

December 12, 2023
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I wonder if Mexicans ever say ‘let’s go to the White People’s Restaurant’”

"I wonder if Mexicans ever say 'let's go to the White People's Restaurant'" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "I Wonder If The Mexicans…

December 12, 2023
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I wonder if the Mexicans ever say ‘let’s go to the niggas restaurant’”

"I wonder if Mexicans ever say 'let's go to the White People's Restaurant'" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "I Wonder If The Mexicans…

November 18, 2017
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I work as a waiter and, no, the pay isn’t great, but I put food on the table”

"I work as a waiter and, no, the pay isn’t great, but I put food on the table" is a popular joke about the job of a waiter. "I work as a waiter. The pay isn't great but I put…

February 1, 2023
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I work with animals (...) I’m a butcher”

A joke is that a person "works with animals" -- and then it is revealed that this person is a butcher. "Best comment of the day...''I used to work with animals...Yhh…

February 7, 2018
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I would like monkey bars a lot more if they were more like places where monkeys got really drunk”

"Monkey bars" -- a piece of playground equipment also called a "jungle gym" -- do not serve alcohol. A jocular one-line saying was posted on Twitter on June 12, 2011: "I…

January 27, 2026
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food StoresWork/Businesses

“I wouldn’t be in the checkout line if I hadn’t found everything I was looking for. So why ask if I found everything I was looking for?”

When a customer reaches a store's checkout, the customer is often asked if they found everything they were looking for. If a customer didn't find something, the store usually provides…

April 7, 2025
Food/DrinkRestaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I’d like extra hot fudge.”/“Sorry, all of our fudge is the same temperature.”

" can you pick up a peanut buster parfait for me, with extra hot fudge? (Sorry, all of our hot fudge is the same temperature...)" was posted on X/Twitter by Bill Jelen on August 2, 2013.…

August 26, 2021
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I’d like to buy a ham and cheese baguette with pickles.”/“Sorry, we only take cash or card.”

A deli joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on August 11, 2012: "So I said to the woman at the deli, 'I'd like to buy a ham and cheese baguette with pickles.' She said…

January 26, 2020
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I’ll have a café mocha vodka Valium latte to go, please”

"I'll have a café mocha vodka Valium latte to go, please" is a jocular order (combining various popular daily infusions) that has been printed on many images. “I’ll have a cafe…

July 26, 2014
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I’ll have burnt toast and cold coffee” (restaurant customer joke)

An old joke has a sarcastic restaurant customer ordering a terrible breakfast of hard eggs, burned and cold toast, and weak coffee. The waitress tells him that it would be difficult to make. The…

February 15, 2020
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I’ll have the mouse, please.”/“That’s mousse, sir.”

"Mousse" shouldn't be confused with "mouse" or "moose," but there are jokes. Wikipedia: MousseA mousse (/ˈmuːs/; French: [mus]; "foam") is a soft…

January 18, 2025
Food/DrinkRestaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I’ll never be okay with donut shops cutting a hole in my donut, then charging me separately for the same hole they robbed me of”

"I'll never be okay with donut shops cutting a hole in my donut, then charging me separately for the same hole they robbed me of" is a saying about donuts that has been printed on…

May 23, 2020
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I’ll take a Corona, hold the virus” (bar request)

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic ad nothing to do with Corona beer, but there were jokes. One line had a customer walk into a bar and say to the bartender, "I'll take a Corona, hold the…

May 3, 2016
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I’m a Ph.D.—Pizza Hut Deliveryman”

Pizza Hut is an American pizza and pasta restaurant chain that offers sit-down service, as well as take-out and delivery. "I'm a Ph.D. -- Pizza Hut Deliveryman" is a joke a poor…

March 24, 2024
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I’m at the grocery store, lost in the eggs aisle”

"Exile" sounds like "eggs aisle," and there are jokes. "Eggs Aisle" is track 10 on Live from Space (2013), the first and only live album by American rapper Mac Miller…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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