“My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast”
To say that something is "toast" means that it's a failure. A popular pun is: "My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast." "Did you…
“My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don’t run into anyone you know”
“@DarzieDAMN: My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don't run into anyone you know” was posted on Twitter by Melissa Schrade on October 7, 2013. "@DarzieDAMN" is no…
“My grocery list: 1. Don’t run into anyone you know 2. Eggs”
“@DarzieDAMN: My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don't run into anyone you know” was posted on Twitter by Melissa Schrade on October 7, 2013. "@DarzieDAMN" is no…
“My local bakery accused me of stealing all their yeast. They can’t prove anything”
"Proofing" is a step in the preparation of yeast bread. There are several puns about this process. "I stole yeast from the local bakery. They can't prove a thing" was…
“My problem is as soon as I get money my tastebuds become allergic to the food at home”
When many people get paid, they have to go to a restaurant. "my problem is as soon as i get money my tastebuds become allergic to the food at home" was posted on X/Twitter by 𝒁𝒊𝒂…
“My son ordered a ‘well done’ steak because he thought it meant they would do a better job”
Having a steak "well done" shouldn't imply that other cooking temperatures are "poorly done," but there are jokes. "my son ordering a 'well done' steak bc he…
“My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only assume it’s there to protect myself against anyone who tries to steal my tacos”
"My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it’s there to stab (potential) taco thieves" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Tacos are usually eaten with…
“My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it’s there to stab potential taco thieves”
"My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it’s there to stab (potential) taco thieves" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Tacos are usually eaten with…
“My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can’t carry 23 items”
"My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can’t carry 23 items in my arms through the store" is a jocular saying about shopping that has been printed on many…
“My walk of shame is going back for a shopping trolley after realising I can’t carry 23 items”
"My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can’t carry 23 items in my arms through the store" is a jocular saying about shopping that has been printed on many…
“My wife asked me to take her to one of those places where they make the food in front of you…”
At a restaurant such as Benihana, they make the food in front of diners. They also make the food in front of customers at Subway, a fast food chain restaurant. "#wifeher if her idea of a…
“Nachos as big as your ass” (restaurant sign)
"Nachos as big as your ass" is a restaurant sign that has been shown on many images. “Burritos as big as your head” is a somewhat similar restaurant sign. Twitter…
“Never date a chick that works at Subway. She knows what 6 inches really looks like”
"Never date a chick that works at Subway. She knows what 6 inches really looks like" is a sex joke that has been printed on many images. Subway fast food restaurants serve six-inch sub…
“Never get a bread appetizer at an Indian restaurant. It’s a naan-starter”
Naan is a leavened, oven-baked flatbread. A naan appetizer, a joke goes, is a "naan-starter" (non-starter). "I thought I had a good idea for an Indian appetizer, but it was a naan…
“Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche”
American humorist Lewis Grizzard (1946-1994) listed several "rules to follow when ordering in an unfamiliar restaurant" in his newspaper column on April 11, 1986. The first rule was:…
“Never run a fruit stand in an action movie”
An action movie cliché is the car chase, and a car always seems to drive into a fruit stand on the sidewalk. "Apart from the above, my major gripe is with the pointless car chase, in which…
“Never trust a person who chooses a table over a booth”
A restaurant often gives a dine the choice of having a table o a booth. A large group of people might choose the table, and a couple dating might choose the booth. "Is there anyone that…
“Never trust anyone who orders a medium pizza”
Many people cannot understand how anyone orders a medium pizza. One should always order a large pizza, even if there is leftover pizza. "@FabMissK: 'Pl[a]ybook is like a medium pizza. Who…
“New restaurant opening in town called The Manhattan Project. It’s a fusion restaurant”
Fusion cuisine has nothing to do with nuclear fusion, but there are jokes. "My wife and I's friend booked us a table at a restaurant called The Manhattan Project and I'M the bad guy…
“New rule: If I order my food standing up, I am not tipping”
"New rule: If I order my food standing up, I am not tipping" is a saying that has been printed on several images. That is, there is no waiter or waitress bringing food to the table.…