“I’m in a good place right now. Not emotionally. I’m just at the bottle shop”
"I'm in a good place right now. Not emotionally. I'm just at the liquor store" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm in a good place right…
“I’m in a good place right now. Not emotionally. I’m just at the liquor store”
"I'm in a good place right now. Not emotionally. I'm just at the liquor store" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm in a good place right…
“I’m just a man, a man struggling to open a plastic vegetable bag at the grocery store”
The plastic vegetable bags at supermarkets are sometimes difficult to open, especially for men who are unfamiliar with them. "I'm just a man, a man struggling to open a plastic vegetable…
“I’m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell”
Ordering coffee can be a mystifying experience. "Ordering Starbucks is a lot like casting wizard spells. You must speak the words of power correctly, lest you get unintended…
“I’m so bad at chess the only way I’ll get to say ‘checkmate’ is at an Australian restaurant”
There's a difference between "Checkmate!" (said at the end of a game of chess) and "Check/cheque, mate!" (said at the end of a restaurant meal in Australia), but it's…
“I’ve been thrown out of better places than this!”
"I've been thrown out of better places/joints/bars/restaurants/hotels than this!" is a humorous saying by someone getting removed from a location. Ferenc Molnár's popular…
“I’ve never been in love, but I imagine it’s like when the waiter brings your food”
"I've never been in love, but I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food" is a jocular saying that's popular on Twitter.…
“I’ll have a rum and coke” (joke)
Can you substitute a Pepsi in a "rum and coke"? Dan Mentos made a popular tweet on November 23, 2014: “I’ll have a rum and coke”Is pepsi ok?“Sure whatever”*hands you a pepsi and…
“I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands”
"Employees Must Wash Hands (or, in full, "Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work") is a popular sign at restaurants. A joke on this is, “The sign said, ‘Employees…
“I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over two hours, waiting for an employee to wash my hands”
"Employees Must Wash Hands (or, in full, "Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work") is a popular sign at restaurants. A joke on this is, “The sign said, ‘Employees…
“I’ve done a survey on how people walk home from the pub. The results are staggering”
"Staggering" can mean "the motion of someone who staggers" (noun) and "incredible" or "amazing" (adjective). A pun was posted on Twitter by Me Lord (and…
“Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer. Thereisnospacebar”
The space bar on a keyboard is not a bar that serves drinks, but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 28, 2020:…
“Idea for haunted house: dimly lit grocery store sprinkled with people you haven’t talked to since high school”
Many people meet old acquaintances at the grocery store, and it can be frightening. This was posted on X/Twitter by paperwash© on September 4, 2015, and it received over 10,000 likes: "idea…
“If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules”
"If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules" and "If a bacon package isn't resealable, it contains one serving. That's science. I…
“If a crab were employed in a pizza parlor, in which station would it work? A crust station.”
"Crustacean" sounds like "crust station." "My pet crab Pinchy, just got a job at Pizza Hut at the Crust Station. I'm so proud" is a pun that was posted on Twitter…
“If a sushi restaurant is giving you a discount, don’t take it. You’re getting a raw deal”
The expression "raw deal" doesn't usually involve raw seafood, but there are jokes. "There's an 'eat as much as you like for £4' special at my local sushi…
“If an ice cream van breaks down, do they have to put out cones?”
Entry in progress -- BP TwitterThe Dad Joke Man @DadJokeManIf an ice cream van breaks down, do they have to put out cones?#SundayThoughts11:14 AM · May 2, 2021·Twitter for iPhone Reddit --…
“If by ‘picking up hotties at the club’ you mean going to Costco for rotisserie chicken then yeah I am”
Costco is a "club" (a warehouse club of retail stores), but it's not a nightclub. There are jokes about going to "the club." "if by 'picking up hotties at the…
“If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits”
"Free spirits" usually doesn't mean "open bar," but this is a subject of several jokes. "Perking up at 'free spirits.' Is there an open bar somewhere?"…
“If even the inspector says ‘Pass’ on a restaurant, why should I try it?”
Health inspectors pass or fail restaurants. A joke about this is: "If even the inspector says "Pass" on a restaurant, why should I try it?" The joke was posted on Reddit --…