“Many have eaten here—few have died”
"Many have eaten here -- few have died" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many wall plaques. The saying has been cited in print since at least 2008. Lovely County Citizen…
“Mary, I’m having one more pint with the lads. If I’m not home in 20 minutes, read this again”
A joke "Irish text message" has been printed on several images: "Mary, I'm having one more pint with the lads. If I'm not home in 20 minutes, read this message again."…
“McDonald’s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong shit they gave you at the second window”
Drive thru restaurants often have a first window for payment, and then a second window to pick up the food. Some people have suggested that a third window is needed to correct the order. "Fast…
“McDonald’s is making a deep fried pickle covered in batter. They are calling it Mc Dill Dough”
"I see McDonald’s is making a deep fried pickle covered in batter... They are going to call it the Mc Dill Dough" -- a pun on "dildo" -- is a saying that has been printed on…
“Me and my buddies at the gun club often go to the cheese shop, just to shoot the bries”
Brie is a soft cow's-milk cheese named after Brie, a region in France. "Bries" sounds like "breeze," and there are several "shooting(ing) the bries" jokes.…
“Me bringing a jar of Vaseline to the cash register when mom sends me to buy a cucumber…”
A joke about buying cucumbers suggests that it's better to identify one's sexual practice than to possibly imply that one is a vegan. "When my girlfriend sends me to the supermarket…
“Me: How much for the goth cucumber? Clerk: That’s a cactus”
Cacti and pickles have both been called "goth cucumbers." "Cactus is just a giant goth cucumber" was posted on Twitter by B0regasmic on May 17, 2015. "A cactus is just a…
“Me: What’s the wifi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.”
Many bars provide wifi access for customers, although some people use the wifi service and purchase little or nothing. A joke was posted on Twitter by Ian Sausage on March 11, 2018: Me: What's…
“Men: No Shirt, No Service—Women: No Shirt, No Charge” (restaurant sign)
"Men: No Shirt, No Service; Women: No Shirt, No Charge" (or "free food" or "free drinks") is a humorous sign that has been placed in restaurants and bars since at…
“Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal”
"Money can't buy happiness" is a proverb that has been cited in English since at least 1821. There have been many jocular additions to the proverb. "They say money can't…
“Monkey bars imply the existence of monkey bartenders”
"Monkey bars" can be found on playgrounds and are not bars that serve alcohol, but there are jokes. "As much time as I spent at the monkey bars in elementary school, I never once met…
“My best mate ran off with the garlic bread and coleslaw. I wish he would stop taking sides”
Restaurants offer side dishes. A pun about "taking sides" (mentioning the Nando's fast food restaurant chain that offers several sides) is: "I was arguing with my girlfriend in…
“My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer…”
"All Chinese people look alike to me" is a popular saying of what has been called the "cross-race effect." A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on February 24, 2020: "My…
“My compliments to the gardener” (said at a vegan/vegetarian restaurant)
"My compliments to the chef" is what a diner might say to a waiter after a good restaurant meal. At a vegan/vegetarian restaurant, the meal is mostly vegetables. "At a vegetarian…
“My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said ‘less McDonald’s’”
"My doctor said I should eat more Taco Bell. He actually said 'Less McDonald's', but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant" was posted on Twitter by Hakim Givens on…
“My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub. So I’ve started smoking”
Most pubs do not allow smoking. A joke was posted on the Sickipedia website on January 30, 2012: "My doctor said I need to do something that gets me out of the pub. So I've started…
“My father walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." One version -- an anti-joke -- is: "A man walked into a bar...and stayed there for the…
“My favorite garden is the beer garden”
The word "garden" usually evokes images of plants, such as tomato plants. "My favorite garden is the beer garden" is a jocular saying that has become popular on Twitter.…
“My favorite winter sport is walking to the nearest coffee shop”
"My favorite winter sport is walking to the nearest coffee shop" and "My favorite winter sport is walking to the coffee maker" are coffee sayings that have been printed on many…
“My friend is a qualified greengrocer. He has lettuce after his name”
People with many degrees have many letters after their names. This shouldn't be confused with "lettuce" after a name, but there are jokes. "Q: Why was the rabbit called Peter…