“If you’re drinking to forget, please pay in advance”
"If you're drinking to forget, please pay in advance" is a jocular sign in many drinking establishments. "If You're Drinking to Forget, Please Pay in Advance" has been…
“If you’re not meant to drink and drive, then why do you need a driver’s license to buy alcohol?”
Entry in progress -- BP “I mostly use my driver’s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive” is a related saying. X/Twitter 🇺🇸Jeff Markise🇺🇸 @MarkiseJeff If you…
“If you’re on death row, request Olive Garden’s ‘Never Ending Pasta Bowl’ as a last meal”
A joke is that an inmate on death row should order a last meal from the Olive Garden restaurant. "If you were on death row, what would your last meal be? — Olive Garden's Never Ending…
“If you’re trying to impress me with your vehicle, it better be a food truck”
"If you're trying to impress me with your car/vehicle, it better be a food/taco truck" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. It's uncertain who coined the…
“If you’re trying to impress me with your vehicle, it better be a taco truck”
"If you're trying to impress me with your car/vehicle, it better be a food/taco truck" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. It's uncertain who coined the…
“If your coffeeshop has one of those passive aggressive ‘no wifi pretend it’s the old days’ signs..”
"If your coffee shop has a passive aggressive 'no wifi pretend it's the old days' sign I'm gonna smoke in there & pay 50 cents for coffee" was posted on Twitter by…
“In Crust We Trust”
Denino's Pizzeria & Tavern on Staten Island has used the slogan "In Crust We Trust." "In pizza we crust" is a similar slogan. CitysearchDenino's Pizzeria Tavern524…
“In every language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast”
McDonald's fast food restaurants have Monday-Friday breakfast hours of 5 a.m.-10:30 a.m. A joke is: "While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s…
“In queso emergency, go to your nearest TexMex restaurant”
"In queso emergency, go to your nearest TexMex restaurant" is a jocular saying that was cited on Twitter on November 20, 2012. "I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in…
“In the restaurant: ‘Would you like a table?’ ‘No, a lamp for 5 please.’”
A jocular response to an obvious restaurant question is: WAITER: Would you like a table?A: No, a lamp for 5 please. The joke was posted on Twitter by FUNNY TWEETS on October 7, 2012, and has been…
“In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?” (Polish joke)
A Polish (or other ethnicity) joke has a customer ask a store clerk, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?' The customer then erupts,…
“Indian restaurants are naan profit businesses while Vietnamese restaurants are pho profit”
"Your Indian restaurant is naan profit? My Vietnamese is pho profit" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on February 9, 2017. "Naan" sounds like "non" and "pho"…
“Instead of a condom, I carry a moist towelette in my wallet. I run into chicken wings more often”
"Instead of a condom, I carry a moist towelette in my wallet. The odds of me finding delicious chicken wings are far greater than my chances of getting laid" (or "Instead of a…
“Instead of a condom, I carry a towelette in my wallet. The odds of me finding chicken wings…”
"Instead of a condom, I carry a moist towelette in my wallet. The odds of me finding delicious chicken wings are far greater than my chances of getting laid" (or "Instead of a…
“Into a bar Yoda walks” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A version with the Star Wars character Yoda is: "Into a bar Yoda walks." The joke…
“Irate Diner: Hey, waiter, there’s an F-L-Y in my alphabet soup!”
Alphabet soup doesn't help with spelling bees, but there are jokes about pairing the two. There are "fly in my soup" and "bee/B in my soup" jokes about alphabet soup as…
“Is a line outside a Vietnamese restaurant a pho queue?”
What is a line for Vietnamese pho called? "I guess that means that a Vietnamese soup line would be a pho queue" was printed in a 2000 book. A riddle was posted to the newsgroup…
“Is anything okay?” (Jewish restaurant joke)
"Is everything okay?" a waiter often asks the diners at a restaurant table. However, in a Jewish restaurant, the diners complain about everything and the waiter asks, "Is anything…
“Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?”
"Is it just me or does everything cost like we're shopping in an airport now?" is a saying that has been printed on several images. Airport shopping is usually very expensive.…
“It only takes one slow-walking person in the grocery store…”
"It only takes one slow-walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I'm a nice person" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Grocery store…