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February 18, 2023
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I’m celebrating President’s Day by making a bunch of promises I have no plan on keeping”

A joke about Presidents' Day is a reminder that presidents make campaign promises that they seldom keep. "Happy Presidents Day... Celebrate Presidents Day by making a promise you have no…

April 2, 2018
Sports/Games

“I’m convinced that leaning forward while playing video games substantially improves performance”

Does leaning forward help make a better video game player? "I am 100% convinced that leaning forward while playing video games substantially improves overall performance. /via @nessie111-works…

March 14, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I’m deeply disturbed by how many people seem to see washing their hands as a new thing”

The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused many news outlets to instruct people to wash their hands. A comment was posted on Twitter by Liz Buckley on March 2, 2020: "I’m deeply disturbed by…

August 21, 2020
Work/Businesses

“I’m done being a people pleaser, if everyone’s OK with that”

A "people-pleaser" joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 17, 2020: "I’m done being a people pleaser. If everyone’s ok with that." "I’m done being a people…

December 19, 2016
Food/Drink

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red”

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas" is a famous line in Irving Berlin's classic Christmas song, "White Christmas" (1942). A "white Christmas" joke that has…

October 14, 2024
Transportation

“I’m driving a stick shift. We’re on a hill. Do you really want to be close enough to read this?” (bumper sticker)

"I’m driving a stick shift. We’re on a hill. Do you really want to be close enough to read this?” (bumper sticker) is a jocula saying that has been printed on many images. "ok funny…

September 16, 2019
Names/Phrases

“I’m from New York, where people say ‘you’re welcome’ to remind you to say ‘thank you’”

"I’m from New York, where people say 'you’re welcome' to remind you to say 'thank you'" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Some of the images…

April 11, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I’m getting way too comfortable looking this ugly all the time”

The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in the closing of barbershops and hair salons. People stayed in their homes and did not look their best. "I’ve gotten too comfortable looking ugly…

February 2, 2017
Food/Drink

“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my food. I don’t even know where sandwiches live”

"I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my food. I don’t even know where sandwiches live" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm glad I don't have to hunt…

April 15, 2026
Education/SchoolsGovernment/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I’m glad I learned about the Pythagorean theorem instead of taxes in school. It’s really come in handy this Pythagorean theorem season”

"I’m glad I learned about the Pythagorean theorem instead of taxes in school. It’s really come in handy this Pythagorean theorem season" is a joke that has been printed on many…

October 21, 2018
Streets

“I’m going through a lot right now. I can’t seem to find a parking spot”

To be "going through a lot" usually means that one has many troubles, but not always. "I’m going through a lot right now. I can't seem to find a parking spot" was posted…

July 18, 2022
Streets

“I’m going to need some privacy while I parallel park”

Many people find that parallel parking is difficult. "I hate when people are outside when I'm trying to parallel park. I need some privacy!" is a saying that has been printed on…

October 17, 2025
Work/Businesses

“I’m happy to announce that I’ve just about had it”

"I'm excited to announce that I've just about had it" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is fed up with circumstances (such as at a job) and…

June 5, 2023
Work/Businesses

“I’m here experiencing life at a rate of several WTFs per hour”

"I am currently experiencing life at a rate of several WTFS per hour" (WTF = What The Fuck) is a saying that has been printed on many images. There are several minor variations. "is…

November 23, 2025
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/InternetWork/Businesses

“I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called linkedout”

LinkedIn is an American business and employment-oriented social networking service website. THere is no LinkedOut for unemployed or retired people, but there are jokes. "In these rough…

February 17, 2020
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“I’m just one step away from being filthy rich. All I need now is money”

"I’m just one step away from being filthy rich. All I need now is money" is a money saying that has been printed on many images. "I’m just one step away from being filthy Rich..…

August 11, 2024
Food/DrinkSports/Games

“I’m just saying if they’re gonna call it pickleball they should have to play it in a vat of brine”

The game of "pickleball" isn't played with pickles, but there are jokes. "The name of the game is certainly odd — there are no cucumbers soaked in brine and vinegar involved…

March 10, 2023
Food/Drink

“I’m just sitting here drinking coffee and making plans for world domination”

"I’m just sitting here drinking coffee and making plans for world domination" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I'M JUST SITTING HERE DRINKING COFFEE…

January 8, 2026
Food/Drink

“I’m kind of like peanut butter, spread too thin, a little bit chunky, kinda nutty and a tad salty”

"I'm kind of like peanut butter" is the start of a joke that has been printed on many images. "I'm kind of like peanut butter, spread too thin and a little bit chunky"…

October 20, 2022
Work/Businesses

“I’m late for work because I got drunk last night and set my calculator for $5.30”

"I’m late for work because I got drunk last night and set my calculator for $5.30" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Im Late For My studio session Because…

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About the Website and Editor

BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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