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February 3, 2025
Buildings/Housing/ParksStreets

“I’m officially at the age where I get irritated when someone parks in front of my house”

Many people who live on a quiet residential street don't like it when someone parks in front of their house (and who isn't coming to their house). The homeowner regards the space as…

April 8, 2018
Food/Drink

“I’m on the third cheat year of my diet”

Some diets have "cheat days" (such as a Friday or a birthday) where the dieter is allowed to go off the diet for that day. A joke is that some "dieters" take cheat years.…

June 9, 2025
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I’m organizing a protest to protest protests. Protesters wanted”

How about protesting protests? "I’m organizing a protest to protest all the protests. Who’s ready for a good protest!" was posted on X/Twitter by The Lonesome Kicker on August 16,…

March 12, 2025
Work/Businesses

“I’m planning on starting a jewellery business. If you want to help, give me a ring”

"Give me a ring" usually means a telephone ring and not a diamond ring, but there are jokes. "Planning to start a jewellery business. If you want to help, give me a ring" was…

December 21, 2017
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I’m pretty sure it’s easier to leave most street gangs than it is to cancel a gym membership”

Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterBill Murray‏ @BiIIMurrayI’m pretty sure that it’s easier to leave most street gangs than it is to cancel a membership to a gym.12:30 PM - 21 Dec 2017

October 12, 2021
Work/Businesses

“I’m proud of my job as a podium salesman. It’s a product I can stand behind”

Several jokes state that a podium is a product that a salesman can stand behind. However, you stand on a podium, and you stand behind a lectern. "It must really suck to be a podium salesman.…

March 30, 2021
Time/Weather

“I’m ready for the week! I got my umbrella, my flip flops, turtle neck, my suntan lotion…”

"I'm ready for the rest of this week! I have my umbrella, my flip flops, my mittens, my suntan lotion, my winter coat, my sunglasses, my thermals, my iced tea and my hot chocolate!"…

June 9, 2025
Banking/Finance/Insurance

“I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week or else I’m fucked”

Many people wish that money would fall from the sky and into their pockets. "i’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week or else i’m fucked 😂🤣" was posted on X/Twitter…

February 3, 2024
Work/Businesses

“I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists”

For some people, a "to-do list" is a short list of things that they wish to do, but will not. "I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists" was posted on…

February 22, 2025
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I’m rooting for the asteroid to be perfectly honest”

Entry in progress -- BP Wikipedia: Asteroid impact avoidance Asteroid impact avoidance encompasses the methods by which near-Earth objects (NEO) on a potential collision course with Earth could be…

December 10, 2025
Food/Drink

“I’m sick of being forced to eat micro plastics. I am ready for big plastics now”

Microplastics in food is very dangerous to a person's health. A joke was posted on X/Twitter by zoë bread on December 10, 2025, and this received over 28,000 likes: "i’m sick of being…

July 17, 2020
Food/Drink

“I’m single AF and the AF stands for And Fat. I’m just single and fat”

"Single AF" usually means "single as fuck," but not always. "I’m single AF and the AF stands for And Fat. I’m just single and fat" has been posted on several…

May 18, 2018
Food/Drink

“I’m so broke, I can only afford Bottom Ramen”

Nissin Foods produces Top Ramen noodles; there is no "Middle Ramen" or "Bottom Ramen," but there are jokes. "When I was a kid we were so poor we could only afford bottom…

February 14, 2025
Work/Businesses

“I’m so fake at work I say things like, ‘hi, how are you?’”

Many people act fake at work, pretending to be pleasant and agreeable with co-workers. "I'm so fake at work. I honestly don't give two fucks about how your days been going smh"…

September 6, 2021
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“I’m so old I can remember when the only fake news was the National Enquirer”

Donald Trump was elected U.S. president on November 8, 2016. He did not get along well with the mainstream media, and he called CNN (and others) as "fake news." Many people previously…

July 11, 2024
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I’m so out of shape, I got winded taking the tour of the gym”

"Wow, Im so out of shape that Im winded just taking the tour of the gym!" was posted on X/Twitter by Chia (KAI-ya) on November 16, 2009. "I’m so out of shape, I got winded taking…

March 15, 2018
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I’m so strong I can lift a house! Well, only if it’s a lighthouse”

A weightlifting joke was posted on Twitter on May 6, 2014: Stranger: You can lift a house? Me: Yep.Stranger: Wow, you must be strong.Me: Nah, it's a light house. "I'm so strong I can…

March 14, 2018
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I’m so strong I can lift buildings! Well, only if it’s a lighthouse”

A weightlifting joke was posted on Twitter on May 6, 2014: Stranger: You can lift a house? Me: Yep.Stranger: Wow, you must be strong.Me: Nah, it's a light house. "I'm so strong I can…

January 14, 2018
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs

“I’m so unfamiliar with my gym that I have started calling it Mr. James”

"Gym" sounds like the personal name "Jim" (a male name for "James"). "A buddy and I used to call the gym "the James" because we didn't know it well…

September 20, 2024
Education/SchoolsWork/Businesses

“I’m sorry but the scholastic book fair did not inspire a love of reading it created my love of shopping”

Schools often sponsor a scholastic book fair. This comment was posted on X/Twitter by Adam on September 15, 2024, and it received over 313,000 likes: "i’m sorry but the scholastic book fair…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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