“I’m trying to teach my self cleaning oven how to do the rest of the house”
Many people wonder why a self-cleaning over can't clean the rest of the kitchen, or the rest of the house. "Why hasn't anyone taken the idea of 'self-cleaning oven' and…
“I’m 200 pages into The Count of Monte Cristo and I have not read a single word about the sandwich yet…”
The Count of Monte Cristo (1846) is a very long novel (about 1,200 pages) by the French writer Alexandre Dumas. The Monte Cristo sandwich is an egg-dipped ham and cheese sandwich that is pan-fried.…
“I’m 700 pages into The Count of Monte Cristo, when is he gonna invent this sandwich”
The Count of Monte Cristo (1846) is a very long novel (about 1,200 pages) by the French writer Alexandre Dumas. The Monte Cristo sandwich is an egg-dipped ham and cheese sandwich that is pan-fried.…
“I’m a coffee lover with no regrets, only refills”
"I’m a coffee lover with no regrets, only refills" is a coffee saying that has been printed on several images. "I’m a coffee lover with no regrets, only refills ☕️🔄"…
“I’m a politician.” / “Honest?” / “No, the regular kind.”
“I’m a lawyer.” “Honest?” “No, the regular kind" is a lawyer joke that was posted on the newsgroup alt.bbs.wildcat on February 15, 1996. The joke is that the speaker had meant…
“I’m all out of tequila, but there’s no reason you can’t still lick, suck and swallow”
"I lick, swallow and suck... The salt, the tequila, the lime!" is a drinking/sex joke that has been printed on many images. Some images have it as, "I LICK the salt. I SWALLOW the…
“I’m allergic to writing about fencing, so I’ll have to use my épée pen”
An épée has nothing to do with an EpiPen, but there are jokes. "or where he keeps his fencing equipment: The epee pen" was posted on Twitter by Kenneth Baer on September 19, 2016.…
“I’m always being forced to do things I’m not qualified for…like being nice to stupid people”
"The hardest part of my job is being nice to stupid people" and "I'm not qualified to be nice to stupid people" are jocular work sayings that have been printed on many…
“I’m an amateur crastinator, but I’m hoping to go pro eventually”
"I used to just crastinate. Then I decided to go pro" is a jocular procrastination saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm an amateur crastinator. Someday I'll…
“I’m an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water. It’s my special tea”
"Specialty" shouldn't be confused with "special tea," but there are jokes. "I'm an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water. It's my special…
“I’m anti-work but pro-paycheck so you see my dilemma”
Many people -- if not all -- like to get paid without doing any work. "I’m anti-work but pro-paycheck so you see my dilemma" was posted on Twitter by Tuesdays with Taca on January 17,…
“I’m aspirin’ to be a pharmacist”
"Aspiring" should not be confused with "aspirin," but there are jokes. "You see, I'm Aspirin' to become an agricultural tumour, sorry, a Farmer Cyst!" was…
“I’m assuming Greek yogurt is just regular yogurt but with way more hair”
"I’m assuming Greek yogurt is just regular yogurt but with way more hair." is a jocular one-line saying about Greek yogurt. The saying was posted on Twitter by Brian Henderson on May…
“I’m at that age where the most exciting text I get is, ‘Your prescription is ready for pickup’”
Texting can be romantic -- or not. "I'm at the point in life where the hottest text I get is: 'Your prescription is ready for pick up'" is a jocular saying that has been…
“I’m at the age that not finding parking for an event is enough to make me go home”
"I’m at the age that not finding parking for an event is enough to make me go home" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“I’m at the place in my life where errands count as ‘going out’”
"I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is an adult who no longer goes out…
“I’m at the place in my life where running errands counts as ‘going out’”
"I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is an adult who no longer goes out…
“I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen”
Bananas go bad very quickly. "I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several…
“I’m being blamed for the missing grated cheese, but they haven’t found one shred of evidence”
The expression "not one shred of evidence" means "nothing at all." It usually doesn't refer to shredded cheese, but there are jokes. "I’m being blamed for the…
“I’m broke but not like the poor broke, I’m classy type of broke. I’m broqué”
"I'm not regular broke, I'm high class broke. I'm broqué" and "I’m broke but not like the poor broke, I’m (a/the) classy type of broke. I’m broqué" are…