“I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’m going to use it”
"I got food poisoning today I don't know when I'll use it" (or "I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'm going to use it") is a joke that has been…
Food/Drink
“I got hired today at the comb factory. It’s just part time”
The following joke about working part-time was posted on Facebook by Katy Haseley to Home Groan Puns on February 24, 2023: "I got hired today at the comb factory. It’s just part time."…
“I got hit by a violin, a clarinet and a French horn today. It was an orchestrated attack”
An "orchestrated attack" is not necessarily an attack by an orchestra, but there are jokes. "I was walking down the road and first got hit by a violin, then a clarinet and then a…
“I got hit with a can of soda. Fortunately, it was a soft drink”
A "soft drink" isn't necessarily physically soft, but there's a joke: "Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft…
“I got in trouble at a park for lining squirrels up by height. They didn’t like me critter sizing”
"Criticizing" shouldn't be confused with "critter sizing," but there are jokes. “I am just critter sizing!” was printed in the Lyons (KS) Daily News on November 13,…
“I got invited by a salad to his house. He wouldn’t lettuce leaf!”
"Lettuce leaf" sounds like "let us leave." "I remember a time my friends and I got trapped in a garden...the owners wouldn't lettuce leaf" was posted on Twitter…
“I got kicked out of a Jewish bakery today. All I did was ask, ‘What’s the challah cost?’”
Challah is a bread of Ashkenazi Jewish origin. "What's the challah cost?" sounds like "What's the holocaust?", and there are jokes. "How much does that challah…
“I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it” (joke)
A classic swimming pool joke has been cited in print since at least 1993. A lifeguard tells a swimmer that he's banned for peeing in the pool. "But everyone pees in the pool!" the…
“I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine”
A dancer's career often involves injuries. Comedian Rita Rudner started as a dancer on Broadway, until she suffered an injury. "I pulled a groin muscle," Rudner said in 1988.…
“I got kicked out of the coffee club just because I wore a tea shirt”
"T-shirt" shouldn't be confused with "tea shirt," but there are jokes. "Got thrown out of Coffee Club. I turned up wearing a tea shirt" was posted on Twitter by…
“I got kicked out of the hospital after telling the coronavirus infected patients to stay positive”
"Stay positive" usually means to stay optimistic, but for a Covid test to "stay positive" means that the person still has the disease. The original authorship of a popular…
“I got mood poisoning at work. It must be something I hate”
"I got mood poisoning. Must have been something I hate" (or "I got mood poisoning at work. It must be something I hate") -- a pun on "food poisoning" and…
“I got mood poisoning. Must have been something I hate”
"I got mood poisoning. Must have been something I hate" (or "I got mood poisoning at work. It must be something I hate") -- a pun on "food poisoning" and…
“I got my first shot. And I’ll get my second shot as soon as I can get the bartender’s attention”
The COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic resulted in vaccines that usually required to shots. "Just got my first shot. I'll get my second one as soon as the bartender gets back down here"…
“I got my stomach doing crunches—usually either Nestlé or Captain”
"I got my stomach doing crunches -- usually either Nestlé or Captain" (that is, Nestlé Crunch chocolate bars and Cap'n Crunch cereal) is a jocular statement that has been printed…
“I got myself a seniors’ GPS. Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination…”
"I got myself a seniors' GPS. Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several…
“I got pulled over by a cop with Alzheimer’s. He said, ‘Do you know why I pulled you over?’”
When a police officer asks a driver "Do you know why I pulled you over?', the police officer knows the answer to the question -- or does he/she? This was posted on Twitter by Random Guy…
“I got pulled over in the carpool lane today…” (joke)
The COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic resulted in social distancing, but what about carpools? "I got pulled over for driving alone in the carpool lane. I said that due to social distancing my…
“I got so drunk last night I walked across the dance floor to get a drink & won a dance contest”
"I got so drunk last night, I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest" is a jocular saying that as been printed on many images. "Last night I was…
“I got so drunk last night, I don’t know if I found some keys or lost a car”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Twitter Sawyer Stone @FuckinnShiti sooooooo wasted I don't kno if I found some keys or lost a car2:19 PM - 26 Sep 2013 TwitterRyan @RyanGoodyerI'm so…