“Mary and Abby!”/“Mary and Abby who?”/“Mary Christmas and a Abby New Year!”
An end-of-year knock-knock joke is: "Knock, knock!""Who's there?""Mary and Abby!""Mary and Abby who?""Mary Christmas and Abby New Year!" The…
Archive for 12/2017
“What did the intergalactic cookie say to the other intergalactic cookie?”/“Beam me up biscotti.”
The Star Trek television series and movies include an engineer character named Scott (Scotty), to whom the other characters often request to "beam" them up (transport them). "Beam me…
“How can a lighthouse, rose trellis, windstorm, dune & Halloween costume make something tasty?”
The "BLT" (bacon, lettuce and tomato) is one of America's most popular sandwiches. A riddle has been cited in print since at least 1994: Q: How can you use a lighthouse, a rose…
“Why does your mom taste like a savory?”/“Because she’s umami.”
"Umami" (savory taste) sometimes sounds like "your mommy." A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on December 28, 2017: Q: Why does your mom taste like a savory?A: Because…
“I asked the hot girl at my gym what her new year’s resolution was” (joke)
A new year's resolution joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 12, 2016: "Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said 'fuck…
“Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house”
A joke about a fitness app was posted on Twitter by Mikey on October 12, 2015: "Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house." The one-line…
“Why do dinosaurs pay for Amazon Shipping?”/“Because they live in the Land before Prime.”
The Land Before Time (1988) is an animated adventure drama film about dinosaurs. How did the dinosaurs order products from Amazon.com in such a prehistoric age? A riddle was posted on Reddit --…
“What’s the shittiest day of the week?”/“SaTURDay.”
A riddle was posted on Twitter on January 2, 2011: Q: What's the shittiest day of the week? A: Sa"TURD"ay. "What's the shittiest day of the week? SaTURDay" was posted…
“I entered a dad joke competition and won $1000. It was a grand dad joke”
The sum of $1,000 is a "grand." There is a "dad joke" -- or rather a "grand dad joke" -- about this. "I was paid $1000 for this joke. It was a grand dad…
“Paper or plastic?”/“Either. I’m bisacktual.”
A cashier often gives a customer a choice of bags and asks, “Paper or plastic?” A joke is: CASHIER: Paper or plastic?CUSTOMER: Either. I'm bisacksual/bisacktual. "When they ask…
“I’m going to a notable restaurant tonight. I’m excited, but I don’t know where I’ll put my plate”
There's a difference between a "notable" restaurant and a "no table" restaurant. "I'm going to a notable restaurant tonight. I'm excited, but I don't…
“As a child: ‘You’re grounded.’ As an adult: ‘Your package will be delivered between 8 am and 6 pm’”
Waiting for a package is like being in prison, or like being grounded as a child, A joke was posted on the website Sickipedia on December 19, 2017: As a child: 'You are grounded. 'As an…
“Dad used to say ‘the sky’s the limit.’ Which is probably why he got fired from NASA”
A joke about the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) was posted on Twitter on May 20, 2017: "My Grandpa always said 'the sky's the limit' to encourage me. Now I…
“I always pick the checkout aisle with the most attractive cashier. The self-checkout”
Some people look for the checkout with the hottest-looking cashier. "I always pick out the best looking cashier at the market, self check out lane it is" was posted on Twitter on…
“‘No lemon, no melon’ backwards is ‘No lemon, no melon’”
Entry in progress. -- B.P. Reddit -- Shower Thoughts'No lemon, no melon' backwards is 'No lemon, no melon'submitted December 25, 2017 by MazkaraManik
“Do dragons enjoy playing offices and accountants?”
Dungeons and Dragons is a fantasy tabletop role-playing game. Offices & Bosses is another role-playing game. "If we play D&D...do Dragons play 'Offices & Humans' in their…
“When does a joke become a dad joke?”/“When the punchline becomes apparent.”
The word "apparent" sounds like "a parent." A dad joke was posted on Twitter on December 9, 2014: Q: When does a joke become a dad joke?A: When the punchline becomes apparent.…
“I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house”
A joke about a fitness app was posted on Twitter by Mikey on October 12, 2015: "Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house." The one-line…
“How do you make an idiot laugh on Boxing Day?”/“Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve.”
There is Christmas Eve (December 24th), then Christmas Day (December 25th), and then Boxing Day (December 26th) in the United Kingdom. A riddle is: Q: How do you make an idiot laugh on Boxing…
“It was so cold that Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick”
Coffee is usually -- but not always -- served hot. A winter joke is: "It was so cold that Dunkin' Donuts (or Starbucks or a local coffeehouse) was serving coffee on a stick."…