“Time machine for sale. Guaranteed previous day delivery”
"Just bought a time machine from Amazon.Well you have to when they offer previous day delivery. http://bit.ly/1J07av2 via @sickipedia" was posted on Twitter by Fresh Stand Up on May 25,…
Alphebetical for "t"
“Time machine for sale. Previous day delivery available”
"Just bought a time machine from Amazon.Well you have to when they offer previous day delivery. http://bit.ly/1J07av2 via @sickipedia" was posted on Twitter by Fresh Stand Up on May 25,…
“Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician”
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Since at least 2009, many images have credited American writer and…
“Time to change from my daytime pajamas to my nighttime pajamas” (quarantine joke)
"Getting ready to change from my daytime pajamas into my nighttime pajamas" -- describing someone who works at home, or is a home-bound loser -- is a saying that has been printed on many…
“Time to get up and get going. Today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves”
"Time to get up and get going. Today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Now if you'll excuse…
“Time to make the donuts”
Dunkin' Donuts had an advertising campaign (1982-97) that featured "Fred the Baker" (actor Michael Vale). In one memorable 1983 commercial, Fred was shown to get up very early in the…
“Time to spare? Go by air.” (aviation saying)
Early aviation had so many weather and mechanical delays that someone thought up a popular saying -- "Time to spare? Go by air." "Small wonder his theme song is 'with time to…
“Time to start replacing the term ‘vaccine hesitancy’ with ‘survival instinct’”
Entry in progress -- BP TwitterChewie Killmouski @Chewie65354432Time to start replacing the term "vaccine hesitancy" with "survival instinct"!1:33 AM · May 31, 2021·Twitter…
“Time, talent, and treasure”
"Time, talent, and treasure" is a phrase that's often mentioned in churches to promote sacrificial giving. The phrase is also used in philanthropy and in corporations (especially…
“Time’s fun when you’re having flies, Kermit said”
"Time flies when you're having fun" is an old saying. "Time's fun when you're having flies, Kermit (the frog) said" is a jocular saying that has been printed on…
“Times are hard. A friend of mine had to get a second job as a butcher just to make meat ends”
To "make ends meet" is an expression meaning to have enough money to get by. A spoonerism pun was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on December 13, 2020: "Times are hard. A friend of mine…
“Times are tough. Thinking of cooking a rump roast just to make ends meat”
Do people who cook rump roast (rump steak) try to "make ends meat"? This is a pun, of course, on "make ends meet." "thinks cooking a rump roast is making ends meat..."…
“Times Square is like using the internet without ad-block”
New York City's Times Square has many advertising signs -- by law. It has often been compared to ad blocking on the internet. "Browsing the web in general without #AdBlock is like being…
“Times Square is like using the internet without ad-block”
New York City's Times Square has many advertising signs -- by law. It has often been compared to ad blocking on the internet. "Browsing the web in general without #AdBlock is like being…
“Tinfoil hats are an invention of the Aluminati”
"Tin foil hat" (from aluminum foil) is used as a stereotype for something worn by a conspiracy theorist, and several jokes mention the "Aluminati" (aluminum + Illuminati).…
“Tipping is not a city in China”
"Tipping is not a city in China" is a sentence placed on many restaurant tip jars, a friendly reminder to the customers that tips are welcome. The saying dates to at least 1975, when New…
“Tipping your waiter is like paying shipping and handling for your food”
Restaurant tipping of a waiter is sometimes compared to a shipping and handling charge. " Tipping your waiter is like paying shipping and handling for your food" was posted on Twitter on…
“Tips are for waiters” (Wall Street adage)
"Tips are for waiters" is a stock market adage that dates to at least 1989. The adage holds that one should rely on business fundamentals, not stock tips. If someone is on the inside…
“Tiramisu is just dessert lasagna”
Baklava, cake and tiramisu (layered desserts) have been called "dessert lasagna" or "dessert lasagne." Lasagna ("lasagne" is plural) is a layered pasta dish.…
“Tiramisu sounds a lot more Japanese than Italian”
Many people believe that "tiramisu" (an Italian dessert, meaning "pick me up" or "cheer me up") sounds more Japanese than Italian. "Anyone else ever think…