“Tired of being fat and ugly? Just be ugly” (gym sign)
"Tired of being fat and ugly? Just be ugly" is a jocular gym sign that has been printed on many images. The message is that going to a gym can help to get rid of the fat, but it…
Alphebetical for "t"
“Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week…”
"Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“Tired: summer bodies. Wired: summer antibodies”
The COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic made people desire antibodies rather than summer bodies. "Last year we wanted summer bodies. Now all we want is antibodies" was posted on Twitter by…
“Tis the sea-sun”
"'Tis the sea-sun" -- a pun on "season" -- is a summer saying that has been printed on many images. "'Tis the sea-sun" was printed in the Los Angeles (CA)…
“Tis the season to be freezin’”
"'Tis the season to be freezin'" is a winter saying that has been printed on many images. "Tis the season to be freezin'" was printed in the Casa Grande (AZ)…
“Titjobs imply the existence of titunemployment”
A "boob job" means work done on a breast (boob). It is not an actual job, but there are jokes. "If boobjobs were actually jobs, I'd file for boobunemployment& the gov't…
“To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe”
"To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe" is a saying that has been printed on many images. American magazine columnist and author Marilyn vos Savant…
“To all the high school grads… Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of life”
"Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of life" (shown with a picture of graduates) is a saying that has been printed on many images. "And, I'm so glad that you…
“To all the people panic buying, make sure you stock up on condoms so you don’t produce more idiots”
The 2020 COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic resulted in panic buying. "To all the people panic buying, make sure you stock up on condoms so you don't produce any more idiots" is a…
“To anger a conservative, lie to him: to anger a liberal, tell him the truth”
"To anger a conservative, lie to him: to anger a liberal, tell him the truth" is a quotation that is often credited to Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919), but there is no evidence that he…
“To avoid cracked, dry skin this winter, take half a lemon, a bottle of tequila, salt, and don’t go outside”
"To avoid cracked, dry skin this winter, take half a lemon, a bottle of tequila, salt, and don’t go outside" -- that is, have a Margarita cocktail -- is a jocular saying that has been…
“To avoid straining your eyes at work, use the 30-30 rule. After 30 minutes of work, quit your job…”
"To avoid straining your eyes at work, use the 30-30 rule. After 30 minutes of work, quit your job and buy a 30 acre farm in the middle of nowhere" is a jocular work saying that has been…
“To avoid taking down my Christmas decorations, I’m converting my house into a Chinese restaurant”
Many Chinese restaurants put up Christmas decorations and never seem to take them down. "To avoid taking down my Christmas decorations..I'm converting my house into a Chinese…
“To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m making my house into a Chinese restaurant”
Many Chinese restaurants put up Christmas decorations and never seem to take them down. "To avoid taking down my Christmas decorations..I'm converting my house into a Chinese…
“To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m making my house into an Italian restaurant”
Do Italian restaurants have too many lights? Patrick McLellan posted a Christmas joke on Twitter on January 7, 2013: "To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an…
“To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m making my house into an Italian restaurant”
Do Italian restaurants have too many lights? Patrick McLellan posted a Christmas joke on Twitter on January 7, 2013: "To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an…
“To be a success in business, be daring, be first, be different”
"To be a success in business: Be daring, be first, be different" has been cited in print since at least 1970. "Marchant" was credited in 1981, "Henry Marchant" was…
“To be a successful fisherman you should get there yesterday when the fish were biting”
Fishermen often find that the fish were biting -- yesterday. "'You Ought to Have Been Here Yesterday' is the Fisherman's Advice" was printed in the Buffalo (NY) Commercial…
“To be disillusioned, one first must be illusioned”
"To become disillusioned you must earlier have been illusioned," wrote Paul Fussell in 1982. Fussell was referring to childhood and growing up. Voters often become disillusioned with a…
“To be fair, I should stay out of the sun”
The expression "to be fair" means to speak or act honestly. It usually doesn't mean "to be of a fair complexion," but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit --…