“My car is getting 3 weeks to a gallon” (quarantine joke)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in quarantines. Many people stayed at home and didn't drive their cars. "Anyone else getting two weeks to the gallon out of their car lately...…
Alphebetical for "m"
“My car isn’t voice activated. It goes without saying”
"It goes without saying" is an expression that means something is understood without being expressly stated in words. "It goes without saying" has nothing to do with…
“My car loan identifies as a student loan” (student loan forgiveness joke)
Student loan debt forgiveness became an issue at the first Democratic Party 2020 presidential debate on June 26, 2022. Joe Biden, who participated in the debates, was elected president. "FACT…
“My car was on E, I put $20 in the tank, now it’s on E+”
"$20 used to fill up a tank of gas, but not with high gas prices. That amount of money hardly gets the gas gauge above "E" (empty). "My 🚘 was on E, I put 20$ in the tank, now…
“My career as a street fighter didn’t last very long. I broke my hand punching a curb”
Street Fighter is one of the highest-grossing video game franchises of all time. The title refers to fighting in the street -- not fighting against the street. "My career as a street fighter…
“My cat is wondering why I keep cleaning my ice cream cone”
Cat lick themselves clean; people lick ice cream cones. "Your cat probably thinks I'm cleaning my ice cream cone" is a jocular line that was posted on Twitter on January 26, 2016.…
“My cat, who does not pay rent or bills and is, himself, a bill, has sighed three times in the past five minutes”
A dog or a cat can sigh a lot, but their owners often wonder why that is, when pets have no responsibilities. "My dog sighs as if she has bills to pay" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“My ceiling fan has 3 speeds…” (joke)
Ceiling fans always seem to move too slowly or too fast. A joke has been printed in an image: "My ceiling fan has 3 settings/speeds:1) Barely moving.2) Kinda feels like it’s working.3) Is…
“My chemistry teacher offered me a Pb and J sandwich. Hospital bill is pretty high”
A peanut butter and jelly sandwich (PB&J) is popular in the United States. However, "Pb" is the chemical symbol for lead. "J" is an old symbol for iodine.…
“My child is an honor student” (bumper sticker)
"My child is an honor(s) student at ____ school" is a bumper sticker that many schools have handed out. "My Child Is An HONOR STUDENT In The Durant Public Schools" (in Druant,…
“My child will not eat fish. What can I replace it with?”/“A cat. Cats love fish.”
A joke about meal replacements became popular in September 2020 and has been printed on several images: Q: My child will not eat fish. What can I replace it with?A: A cat. Cats love fish. The…
“My child, my choice”
"My child, my choice" is a parents' rights saying that has been printed on many images. The saying often refers to the choice of vaccinating a child, and can refer to educational…
“My children are like inmates at a jail: They eat for free, they are all innocent…”
"My children are like inmates at a jail: They eat for free, they are all innocent and they don't like the warden" is a jocular saying that has been printed on an image. "has…
“My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer…”
"All Chinese people look alike to me" is a popular saying of what has been called the "cross-race effect." A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on February 24, 2020: "My…
“My church accepts all denominations—fivers, tenners, twenties”
"My church accepts all denominations -- fivers, tenners, twenties" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Our Aunt Julie says her church accepts all denominations…
“My church serves noodles at communion. We’re Ramen Catholic”
"Roman Catholic" has nothing to do with "ramen," but there are jokes. "The infamous Ramen Catholic Church, where they use noodles for communion" was posted on the…
“My city’s potholes will change your radio station and unlock your doors”
Many places have car-changing potholes. "Chattanooga potholes will change your radio station , lock your doors , end the transmission and pop holes in 3/4 tires" was posted on Twitter by…
“My coffee looked at me this morning and told me, ‘Sorry I don’t do miracles’”
"My coffee looked at me this morning and told me, 'Sorry I don't do miracles'" is a coffee saying that has been printed on several images. "Even the coffee this…
“My coffee needs coffee”
"My coffee needs coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. Twitter Alex Chou@LXChouOn Monday mornings like this, I feel like my coffee needs a coffee.5:15 AM · Jul…
“My colleague can no longer attend next week’s Innuendo Seminar, so I have to fill her slot”
"My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead. http://sickipedia.org/joke/1562991" was posted on Twitter on April 14, 2014. The…