“My diving school has gone under”
A company that's bankrupt and closes is said to have "gone under" (as if buried). There are several diving company/school jokes. "Friend's had to cancel his deep sea diving…
Alphebetical for "m"
“My doctor advised me against eating very burnt bread. I am black toast intolerant”
"Lactose intolerant” is sometimes jocularly called “black toast intolerant.” "My Daddy can't eat that toast, he is black toast intolerant" was posted on the newsgroup…
“My doctor said I need to eat more greens, so I’m switching to mint chocolate chip ice cream”
People are sometimes advised to eat more “greens” (such as vegetables). Mint chocolate ice cream -- which is "green" -- is usually not part of that diet, but there are jokes. "My…
“My doctor said to stay away from trans fats, so I left tumblr”
Tumblr is a social networking website that has been popular with the LGBTQ community and with people who post recipes. "Trans fats" does not mean "fat transsexuals," but a joke…
“My doctor said to stay away from trans fats, so I left tumblr”
Tumblr is a social networking website that has been popular with the LGBTQ community and with people who post recipes. "Trans fats" does not mean "fat transsexuals," but a joke…
“My doctor told me to cut down on sodium. I took his advice with a pinch of salt”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Reddit -- cleanjokesMy doctor told me to cut down on sodium. (self.cleanjokes)submitted March 15, 2018 by chacham2I took his advice with a pinch of salt.
“My doctor told me to drink a glass of wine after a hot bath…” (joke)
Supposedly, doctors sometimes advise patients to drink something (wine, carrot juice, lemonade or something else) after taking a hot bath. A popular joke was first published in The Humorist…
“My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said ‘less McDonald’s’”
"My doctor said I should eat more Taco Bell. He actually said 'Less McDonald's', but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant" was posted on Twitter by Hakim Givens on…
“My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub. So I’ve started smoking”
Most pubs do not allow smoking. A joke was posted on the Sickipedia website on January 30, 2012: "My doctor said I need to do something that gets me out of the pub. So I've started…
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror”
"I saw my doctor. He told me to watch my drinking," New York-based comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) said in his act. "Now I drink in front of a mirror." It's not…
“My dog ate my homework and then a migrant ate my dog”
In September 2024, a Springfield, Ohio pet-eating rumor was that Haitian immigrants were eating people's pets (cats and dogs). A new spin was provided on the jocular student homework excuse,…
“My dog ate my homework and then an immigrant ate my dog”
In September 2024, a Springfield, Ohio pet-eating rumor was that Haitian immigrants were eating people's pets (cats and dogs). A new spin was provided on the jocular student homework excuse,…
“My dog isn’t spoiled, I’m just well trained”
"My dog isn't spoiled, I'm just well trained" (or "My dog's not spoiled, I'm just well trained") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“My dog sighs a lot for somebody who doesn’t contribute to this house or know what a government is
"My dog sighs a lot for somebody who doesn’t contribute to this house or know what a government is" was posted on Twitter by sloane (sîpihkopiyesîs) on February 15, 2022. The tweet…
“My dog’s not spoiled, I’m just well trained”
"My dog isn't spoiled, I'm just well trained" (or "My dog's not spoiled, I'm just well trained") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“My dream job is no job. I just want to get paid for breathing”
"My dream job is no job. I just want to get paid for breathing" was posted on Facebook by Jakiera Davis Conner on May 31, 2012. The post had over 67,000 shares. Facebook Jakiera Davis…
“My dream job is to work for a manufacturer of lamps because of the light workload”
A "light workload doesn't usually involve lights, but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on October 29, 2017: "My dream job is to work for a manufacturer of…
“My dream job would be getting paid to sleep”
People are sometimes asked about their dream job. A funny response is: "My dream job is getting paid to sleep." "My dream job would be getting paid to sleep" was cited on…
“My dyslexic French friend said he owed me some money…OUI”
The letters "IOU" ("I owe you") are hinted at in this joke that was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 1, 2019: "My dyslexic French friend said he owed me some…
“My editor dislikes my use of contractions but it’s what it’s”
"It is what it is" is a popular phrase. "It's what it's" is used in contraction jokes. "Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it's what it's" was…