“My coffee needs coffee”
"My coffee needs coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. Twitter Alex Chou@LXChouOn Monday mornings like this, I feel like my coffee needs a coffee.5:15 AM · Jul…
Alphebetical for "m"
“My colleague can no longer attend next week’s Innuendo Seminar, so I have to fill her slot”
"My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead. http://sickipedia.org/joke/1562991" was posted on Twitter on April 14, 2014. The…
“My colleague is playing heavy metal at work. He’s totally office rocker”
"Off his rocker" (meaning a crazy person) sounds like "office rocker." "My boss traded in his desk chair for a recliner & became addicted to playing 'Guitar…
“My colleagues at work have given me the nickname ‘Mr. Compromise’” (joke)
"My nickname is Mr. Compromise. Thats what all my friends call me. Though it's not the name I would have picked for myself...it's alright, I guess" is a joke that was posted on…
“My college graduation was in an arena, and it was hot in there, like 5,000 degrees”
Many college graduations are held inside in arenas, where over 1,000 degrees may be handed out. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on May 26, 2017: "My college graduation was held inside the…
“My compliments to the gardener” (said at a vegan/vegetarian restaurant)
"My compliments to the chef" is what a diner might say to a waiter after a good restaurant meal. At a vegan/vegetarian restaurant, the meal is mostly vegetables. "At a vegetarian…
“My computer crashed. Now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what’s happening”
A joke comparing a crashed computer to a crashed car -- and rubbernecking delays -- was posted on Twitter on August 5, 2013: "My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed…
“My computer has a virus and is only showing ads for American Eagle, GAP and Urban Outfitters…”
"Malware" should not be written or pronounced like "mall-wear," but there are jokes. "RT @TJSullivanLA: It's pronounced mal-ware, not 'mall-wear.' 1st virus…
“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor”
American comedian Phyllis Diller is credited with a popular Thanksgiving line: “My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.” The Japanese military attack…
“My COVID-19 is the most weight I’ve gained since my Freshman 15”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in home lockdowns. Many people did not get enough exercise and ate a lot, gaining weight similar to a college student's "freshman 15"…
“My cow died last night, so I don’t need your bull”
"My cow died last night, so I don't need your bull" is a phrase of uncertain origin. It's so familiar in some parts that "My cow died last night" is all that needs to…
“My credit card company called me to report suspicious activity. Someone made a payment”
Credit card companies check for "suspicious activity. This was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on January 24, 2023: "Credit card company called me to report suspicious activity... I asked what…
“My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered”
An "outstanding balance" means that money is owed, but it's often joked that an "outstanding balance" means a wonderful or exceptional balance. "It is so nice to…
“My credit card had suspicious activity—I bought a gym membership”
Some people never seem to join a gym, and there's a joke about it. "I tried to join a gym. My credit card was declined because the cc company viewed this as 'suspicious…
“My dad always said that it was rude to point. Great dad, terrible bricklayer”
Brick "pointing" is not the same as finger pointing, but there are jokes. "My old uncle used to say 'It's rude to point.' Brilliant man, but terrible brick…
“My dad always said, ‘The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more’” (joke)
The first rule of the theatre (show business) is 'always leave them wanting more" is a saying of unknown authorship. The premise is to leave the audience on a positive note, wanting more…
“My dad always said, ‘Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.’ Balance: $9.11”
"Work until your bank account looks like a phone number” is a popular saying that went viral in September 2014. A popular joke is that the phone number is "911" -- the emergency…
“My dad got shot from a cannon. The circus never found another man of his caliber”
A circus joke has it that a human cannonball tries to quit. (Another version has the human cannonball fly off into space.) The ringmaster sighs and says, "It's hard to find another man of…
“My dad told me he was into East Asian music and I was like, ‘k, pop…’”
"K-pop" (Korean popular music) is sometimes confused with "K, pop" (a response to a father). "A father asks his child, 'Could you please stop listening to Korean…
“My dad told me that I would make a great mime. I was speechless”
The "mime...I was speechless" joke has had several forms. "I remember the first time my parents told me I could never cut it as a mime. I was speechless" was posted on Twitter…