“My friends say I’m a pessimist. But I think it’s far worse than that”
"My friends say I’m a pessimist. But I think it’s far worse than that...." is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Col on April 27, 2019. "My friend's say I'm a…
Alphebetical for "m"
“My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation. We now sell smoothies”
A business that goes into "liquidation" usually doesn't literally become liquid, but there are jokes. "My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation. We now sell…
“My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation. We now sell smoothies”
A business that goes into "liquidation" usually doesn't literally become liquid, but there are jokes. "My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation. We now sell…
“My gamer girlfriend just left me…said I always tried to controller”
"Controller" sounds like "control her." A gamer joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on August 14, 2020: "My gamer girlfriend just left me...said I always tried to…
“My gauge is fine ‘til the third glass of wine”
"My gauge is fine 'til the third glass of wine" is a saying that has been printed on a button. "My gauge is fine 'til the third glass of wine" was cited on Twitter on…
“My Geography teacher died yesterday. Well, he is History now”
There's a difference between being a History teacher and being history. "That English teacher they sent up (into space and died -- ed.)? She is history now" was posted on Twitter on…
“My girlfriend asked why I carry a gun around the house? I told her it was the Decepticons…”
A joke about surveillance was posted on Twitter by Joe Mama on April 23, 2014, and has been printed on many images: "My girlfriend asked me last night why I carry my gun around the house, what…
“My girlfriend broke up with me for being too ‘un-American.’ I saw it coming from a kilometre away”
To "see something coming from a mile away" is an expression meaning that something is very obvious. There is no European version involving kilometers, but there are jokes. "My wife…
“My girlfriend can’t wrestle, but you should see her box”
"My girlfriend can't wrestle, but you should see her box" is a jocular saying about wrestling and boxing -- with a sexual innuendo -- that has been printed on many images. The boxing…
“My girlfriend disliked my obsession with Japanese food, sushi left me”
"Sushi" sounds a little bit like "so she." A pun is: "My girlfriend disliked my obsession with Japanese food, sushi left me." The joke was posted on Twitter on…
“My girlfriend fell in an ice cream store. She’s now a sore bae”
A pun on "sorbet" is: "My girlfriend fell in an ice cream store. She's now a sore bae." The "sore bae" joke has had many forms. "My girlfriend is mad that I…
“My girlfriend just couldn’t accept my obsession with horoscopes. In the end it Taurus apart”
Many people are obsessed with newspaper/internet horoscopes. "Taurus" sounds like "tore us." "Before we split up, my wife was obsessed with horoscopes.I'm sure…
“My girlfriend just dumped me for talking about video games. What a ridiculous thing to fallout 4”
"My girlfriend just dumped me for talking too much about video games. What a ridiculous thing to fallout 4" was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on November 13, 2015. Fallout 4 is an action…
“My girlfriend said I wasn’t a true cockney, so I pushed her down the apples and oranges”
"Apples and pears" is cockney rhyming slang for "stairs." A joke was posted on Twitter by BarryNeaves on May 12, 2013: "My girlfriend said I was a rubbish cockney, so I…
“My girlfriend told me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter” (joke)
A joke about being a news reporter was posted on Twitter by Bob Kostic on December 25, 2015: "So my girlfriend told me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter. Well…
“My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy…so I got drunk”
"My wife gave me £50 and said spend it on something that makes me look sexy. So I got drunk on Jack Daniels" was posted on Twitter on December 21, 2011. "Whilst out xmas shopping…
“My goal this weekend is to move just enough so people don’t think I’m dead”
"My goal this weekend is to move just enough so people don't think I'm dead" is a jocular weekend saying that has been printed on many images. "My goal this weekend is to…
“My goldfish are named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Blues, and Altered” (joke)
A music joke was posted by Ellynne Rey to Gigs from Hell (Funny Gig Stories) on Facebook on October 20, 2019: "My goldfish are named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Blues, and Altered. I…
“My government spent $1 trillion on the drug war and all I got was this lousy police state”
"My government spent $1 trillion on the drug war and all I got was this lousy police state" is a political statement that has been printed on bumper stickers. "I voted for obama and…
“My GPS just told me to turn around. Now I can’t see where I’m driving”
When a car's GPS says "turn around," it means the car -- not the driver. A joke was posted on Twitter on May 14, 2015: "My GPS just told me to turn around. Now I can’t see…