"My government spent $1 trillion on the drug war and all I got was this lousy police state" is a political statement that has been printed on bumper stickers. "I voted for obama and…
When a car's GPS says "turn around," it means the car -- not the driver. A joke was posted on Twitter on May 14, 2015: "My GPS just told me to turn around. Now I can’t see…
Many employees see "the writing on the wall" at their places of employment, an idiom meaning that the employment situation might be ending soon. A joke takes the idiom literally. "my…
Bisto is a well-known brand of gravy. It should not be confused with "bestow," but there are jokes. "My gran's collection of antique gravy boats were Bistoed upon me #1PUN"…
Ctrl-P (print) sounds like "control pee." "Microsoft discriminates against incontinent people, with the continued insistence that they control pee to print" was posted on…
A piano pun was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September 23, 2019: "My grandad committed suicide by eating the entire 88 keys on a piano. He didn't leave a note," The joke is that it…
"Like my grandfather, I wish to die peacefully in my sleep, not screaming like the passengers in his car" was posted to the newsgroup info.sun-managers on August 31, 1993. The joke soon…
A "pap smear" has nothing to do with a "schmear" (or "shmear"), but there are jokes. Sometimes the "pap" stands for "papaya," "paprika"…
The expression to put "blood, sweat and tears" into something usually means "effort," but sometimes it is taken literally. "My father loved to say that he always put his…
Several jokes state that a podium is a product that a salesman can stand behind. However, you stand on a podium, and you stand behind a lectern. "It must really suck to be a podium salesman.…
"Hi I'm Iris & I'm 80% Irish heheheh u get it??" was posted on Twitter by iris on November 13, 2013, and frequently after this. "My grandmother Iris is 80% Irish"…
Salmonella (bacteria) has nothing to do with salmon (a fish) or anyone named Ella, but there are jokes. "I heard that Ella Fitzgerald and Sammy Davis Jr. are buying out the Jewel Food Store…
The word "glasses" can mean "eyeglasses" or "wine glasses." A popular joke has a comedian state that his mother (or grandmother) "still doesn't need glasses.…
Does expired Greek yogurt acquire more culture and become Ancient Greek yogurt? "And the yogurt's so old it's officially Ancient Greek yogurt!" was posted on Twitter by Duncan…
“@DarzieDAMN: My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don't run into anyone you know” was posted on Twitter by Melissa Schrade on October 7, 2013. "@DarzieDAMN" is no…
“@DarzieDAMN: My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don't run into anyone you know” was posted on Twitter by Melissa Schrade on October 7, 2013. "@DarzieDAMN" is no…
"My gun is not a threat unless you are" is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on many images. "My gun is not a threat. Unless you are" was posted on Facebook by Joe Nicosia…
"Undocumented" guns have been compared to "undocumented" Americans. "RT @frontalboundary: My #guns are not #illegal they are #undocumented. #NRA #Pelosi #Obama #Biden"…
"At the drop of a hat" means without hesitation (instantly). The phrase usually does not literally involve a hat, but there are jokes. "My head gets cold at the drop of a hat"…
"My heart bleeds blue borscht" ("My heart beats blue borscht" also has a few recorded citations) means that the speaker couldn't care less -- just the opposite of "my…