“My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said ‘less McDonald’s’”
"My doctor said I should eat more Taco Bell. He actually said 'Less McDonald's', but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant" was posted on Twitter by Hakim Givens on…
Alphebetical for "m"
“My doctor told me to lower my carbs. So now I eat my chips sitting on the floor”
A doctor's instruction to "lower carbs" means to lower carbohydrate intake. but a joke misunderstands this. "My doctor told me to lower my carbs. So now I eat my chips sitting…
“My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub. So I’ve started smoking”
Most pubs do not allow smoking. A joke was posted on the Sickipedia website on January 30, 2012: "My doctor said I need to do something that gets me out of the pub. So I've started…
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror”
"I saw my doctor. He told me to watch my drinking," New York-based comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) said in his act. "Now I drink in front of a mirror." It's not…
“My dog ate my homework and then a migrant ate my dog”
In September 2024, a Springfield, Ohio pet-eating rumor was that Haitian immigrants were eating people's pets (cats and dogs). A new spin was provided on the jocular student homework excuse,…
“My dog ate my homework and then an immigrant ate my dog”
In September 2024, a Springfield, Ohio pet-eating rumor was that Haitian immigrants were eating people's pets (cats and dogs). A new spin was provided on the jocular student homework excuse,…
“My dog isn’t spoiled, I’m just well trained”
"My dog isn't spoiled, I'm just well trained" (or "My dog's not spoiled, I'm just well trained") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“My dog sighs a lot for somebody who doesn’t contribute to this house or know what a government is
"My dog sighs a lot for somebody who doesn’t contribute to this house or know what a government is" was posted on Twitter by sloane (sîpihkopiyesîs) on February 15, 2022. The tweet…
“My dog sighs a lot for somebody who doesn’t contribute to this house or know what a government is”
A dog or a cat can sigh a lot, but their owners often wonder why that is, when pets have no responsibilities. "My dog sighs as if she has bills to pay" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills”
A dog or a cat can sigh a lot, but their owners often wonder why that is, when pets have no responsibilities. "My dog sighs as if she has bills to pay" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“My dog sighs a lot for someone who has no bills or any responsibilities”
A dog or a cat can sigh a lot, but their owners often wonder why that is, when pets have no responsibilities. "My dog sighs as if she has bills to pay" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me”
"My dog understands several human words. I don't understand any dog barks. He/She may be smarter than me" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "My dog understand…
“My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. She may be smarter than me”
"My dog understands several human words. I don't understand any dog barks. He/She may be smarter than me" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "My dog understand…
“My dog, who does not pay rent or bills and is, himself, a bill, has sighed three times in the past five minutes”
A dog or a cat can sigh a lot, but their owners often wonder why that is, when pets have no responsibilities. "My dog sighs as if she has bills to pay" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“My dog’s not spoiled, I’m just well trained”
"My dog isn't spoiled, I'm just well trained" (or "My dog's not spoiled, I'm just well trained") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“My dogs are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freakin’ early. Every. Single. Morning”
"My dogs are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freakin' early. Every. Single. Morning" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "My dogs are the reason…
“My dream is to eat at the little table that comes on top of pizza” (meme)
A "pizza saver" (also called a "pizza table" or "pizza stool") is a small plastic table-like object in the middle of a pizza in a pizza box, to prevent the lid from…
“My dream job is no job. I just want to get paid for breathing”
"My dream job is no job. I just want to get paid for breathing" was posted on Facebook by Jakiera Davis Conner on May 31, 2012. The post had over 67,000 shares. Facebook Jakiera Davis…
“My dream job is to work for a manufacturer of lamps because of the light workload”
A "light workload doesn't usually involve lights, but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on October 29, 2017: "My dream job is to work for a manufacturer of…
“My dream job would be getting paid to sleep”
People are sometimes asked about their dream job. A funny response is: "My dream job is getting paid to sleep." "My dream job would be getting paid to sleep" was cited on…