“I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them”
"I am terrified of elevators. I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them" is an elevator pun that has been printed on many images. "In fact, I'm so opposed to space…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I am the tequila, not the lime”
"Don’t be a chaser, be the one who gets chased. You are the tequila, not the lime" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "You are the tequila, not the lime,"…
“I am tired of being a part of a major historical event” (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic was a major historical event. Not everyone was happy to be a part of it. "I am tired of being a part of a major historical event" as posted on Twitter…
“I am transfinancial. I’m a rich man trapped in a poor man’s body”
An explanation of the term "transfinancial" (transsexual + financial) has been printed on several images. "Let me introduce myself. I'm transfinancial, I'm a rich man…
“I am trying to be healthy and grow my own food, but I can’t find any doughnut seeds”
Donuts (or "doughnuts") aren't healthy and do not grow from seeds, but there are jokes. "Was thinking today i might try to grow some of my own food... Where do you buy donut and…
“I am writing a book. It is called ‘I have a job’. It is a working title”
A "working title" doesn't have to involve work, but there are jokes. "It's a working title but it doesn't have a job" was posted on Twitter by tintrospek on…
“I am yet again asking the Olympics to simply let a regular non athlete person do the event first”
Olympic athletes can make difficult moves look easy. Kelsey McKinney asked on Twitter on June 19, 2021: "I am yet again asking the olympics to simply let a regular non athlete person do the…
“I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, then don’t go. It’s a running joke”
A "running joke" was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on October 25, 2018: "Every morning for the past six months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I…
“I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii”
Nintendo's Wii is a home video game console. The name sounds like the French word "oui" (meaning "yes"), prompting a pun: "I asked a Frenchman if he played video…
“I asked a museum worker if I could take pictures. He said they stay on the walls”
Are museum visitors allowed to take pictures? A joke was posted on Twitter by Bytown Museum on June 16, 2019: "I was at a museum, and I asked a worker there if we were allowed to take…
“I asked a Walmart worker where I could find the nuts. He said they’re in the toilet paper aisle”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic created panic buying of toilet paper. "I asked the Assistant at Tesco where I could find the nuts. She said, 'They are all in the toilet paper aisle…
“I asked my caddie for a sand wedge…” (golf joke)
Golfers sometimes joke about inexperienced caddies who confuse a "sand wedge" with a "sandwich." Puerto Rican professional golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez often joked: "I asked my…
“I asked my caddie for a sand wedge…” (golf joke)
Golfers sometimes joke about inexperienced caddies who confuse a "sand wedge" with a "sandwich." Puerto Rican professional golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez often joked: "I asked my…
“I asked my chef friend if they ever serve steak raw. He said yeah, but it’s rare”
People sometimes ask for "raw" steak when they mean "rare." "Sometimes I like my steak raw, but that's rare" was posted on Twitter on December 12, 2012. "Few…
“I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper? She said they’re old school” (joke)
Are newspapers obsolete? "iPad can't replace a newspaper for sure at least in swatting a fly!" was posted on Twitter on September 10, 2010. A joke was posted on Twitter on June 24,…
“I asked my gym instructor, “Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said, ‘How flexible are you?’”
A person can be physically flexible, and the person's schedule can also be flexible. There are several jokes. "So I said to the Gym instructor 'Can you teach me to do the…
“I asked my North Korean friend how it was there. He said he couldn’t complain”
"I can't complain" usually means "I have no complaints," but it can also mean "I'm not allowed to complain." A joke about an oppressive governmental regime…
“I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off. She said, ‘How about walking through the room naked?’”
Amazon Alexa is a virtual assistant AI technology developed by Amazon. A joke involves "turn on" (to excite) and "turn off" (the opposite). "I asked my wife how to turn…
“I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off. She told me to start talking about my fantasy football team”
Amazon Alexa is a virtual assistant AI technology developed by Amazon. A joke involves "turn on" (to excite) and "turn off" (the opposite). "I asked my wife how to turn…
“I asked my wife to act like a ‘naughty school girl.’ She forged a note from her mother…”
"My husband asked me to act like a 'naughty school girl' for him so I forged a note from my mother saying I don’t have to participate" is a sex joke that was posted on Twitter…