“I always tell my kids to stay in school. But they keep coming back”
"Stay in school" means that students shouldn't drop out, but some parents take this literally. "Every morning I tell my kids how important it is for them to stay in school...…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I always thought growing lettuce would be hard. Turns out it’s not rocket science”
"Its not record science" -- that is, it's not complicated -- is an expression that has been popular since at least the 1980s. “It’s not rocket salad” is a joke based on the…
“I always thought the record would stand until it was broken”
On July 15, 1980, Cincinnati Reds catcher Johnny Bench hit his 314th career home run, passing New York Yankees catcher Yogi Berra (1925-2015) to become the all-time home run leader among major…
“I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back”
"To go the extra mile" means to do extra work. It doesn't mean to escape work, but there's a popular joke: "I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always…
“I always wait 3 minutes after each tweet for the applause to die down”
A performer before a live audience often waits for applause to die down before beginning the next number. Some people like to think the same thing happens on X/Twitter. Since this is my best tweet…
“I always wake up at the crack of ice”
New York-born comedian and singer Joe E, Lewis (1902-1971) was known for drinking and staying up late in night clubs. He was not known for getting up at the crack of dawn. Lewis was quoted in a…
“I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk, but I never got the chants”
"Chants" sounds like "chance." "I've always wanted to be a Gregorian monk but I never really had the chants!" was posted on Twitter on August 14, 2017. "I…
“I always wanted to try juggling. I just never had the balls to”
"I always wanted to try juggling, but I never had the balls" is a jocular one-liner about juggling. "I've always wanted to try juggling..I've just never had the balls to do…
“I am 100% in support of mandatory vacations for everyone and booster vacations every 4 months”
"I know this is controversial. But I am 100% in support of mandatory vacations for everyone and booster vacations every 4 months" is a joke that has been printed on many images.…
“I am 1776% sure no one is taking my guns”
"I am 1776% sure no one will be taking my guns" (or "I am 1776% sure no one is taking my guns") is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on many images. "1776" is the…
“I am 1776% sure no one will be taking my guns”
"I am 1776% sure no one will be taking my guns" (or "I am 1776% sure no one is taking my guns") is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on many images. "1776" is the…
“I am 1776% sure that no one is taking my gun”
"I am 1776% sure no one will be taking my guns" (or "I am 1776% sure no one is taking my guns") is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on many images. "1776" is the…
“I am a bean; I am very lean” (food riddle)
A popular food riddle about a bean is: I am a bean; I am very lean. I am not fat; I am sure of that. Like all beans, I am small and round; but unlike others, I dont grow in the ground. What kind of…
“I am a firm believer in the people; if given the truth, they can meet any national crisis”
The following quotation, attributed to Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865), has appeared on many websites: “I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any…
“I am a free American. I have all the licenses and permits to prove it”
"'I am a free citizen and I have all the licenses and permits to prove it.' http://bit.ly/uBYlt via @addthis" was posted on Twitter by Stephen on June 12, 2009. The point of…
“I am a free citizen and I have all the licenses and permits to prove it”
"'I am a free citizen and I have all the licenses and permits to prove it.' http://bit.ly/uBYlt via @addthis" was posted on Twitter by Stephen on June 12, 2009. The point of…
“I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikiquote: LuckI am a great believer in luck. The harder I work, the more of it I seem to have. . Coleman Cox, in Listen to this (1922). Unsourced variant: The harder I…
“I am a professional counterfeiter. I even have the certificates to prove it”
"I know a professional counterfeiter. He's got the certificate to prove it..." is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Ben Greenwood 🔴⚪⚫ on April 2, 2009. "RT:…
“I am a slow walker, but I never walk back”
U.S. President Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) issued the Emancipation Proclamation on January 1, 1863. The following anecdote appeared in a January 1864 newspaper: "Mr. Lincoln, when asked…
“I am a survivalist. I drank my morning coffee out of a soup bowl because there were no clean cups”
Some people are forced to drink coffee under less than ideal circumstances. This was posted on Twitter by Mike Primavera on December 6, 2014: "I am a survivalist. I can adapt to any situation.…