“I asked the banker to check my balance, so she pushed me!”
A popular and obvious pun on "bank balance" was cited in print by at least 2006: "Went to the cash machine yesterday - an old and confused lady asked me to help check her balance -…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!”
New York-based comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) is frequently credited for this joke: "One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!" The…
“I asked the hot girl at my gym what her new year’s resolution was” (joke)
A new year's resolution joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 12, 2016: "Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said 'fuck…
“I asked the hot girl at my gym what her new year’s resolution was” (joke)
A new year's resolution joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 12, 2016: "Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said 'fuck…
“I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call” (joke)
A hotel "wake-up call" is usually a morning wake-up call, but some jokes have it as a "wake-up call" for one's life. "I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up…
“I asked the teenager working at McDonald’s if the shamrock shakes were made with fresh shamrocks”
McDonald's "Shamrock Shake" is a green mint flavored milkshake, offered in March to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. The milkshake contains no shamrocks. "I asked the 16 year…
“I asked the waiter, ‘Is my tomato soup ready?’ He replied, ‘Of course it is. What color did you expect it to be?’”
"Ready" shouldn't be confused with "reddy," but there are jokes. This was posted on Facebook by William Wilson on October 14, 2024" "Ordered tomato soup as a…
“I asked the waitress for a ‘quickie’ and she slapped me” (quiche joke)
A popular food joke has a man tell a waitress that he wants a "quickie." She slaps him. Another diner tells the man, "I think that's pronounced 'quiche.'" The…
“I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sitting next to a screaming baby” (joke)
A jocular comment about parenting on an airplane is: "Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is…
“I assume people who don’t drink coffee just die around 2 p.m.”
"I assume people who don't drink coffee just die around 2 p.m." (or "I assume that people who don't drink coffee all die around 2 p.m.") is a coffee saying that has…
“I assume that people who don’t drink coffee all die around 2 p.m.”
"I assume people who don't drink coffee just die around 2 p.m." (or "I assume that people who don't drink coffee all die around 2 p.m.") is a coffee saying that has…
“I ate a kid’s meal at McDonald’s for lunch. His mom was furious”
"I ate a kid's meal at Macdonalds earlier today. His mum was furious" was posted on Facebook by Rob Savant on November 9, 2020. "I ate a kid's meal at McDonalds this…
“I ate at a family restaurant. Every table had an argument going”
Manhattan-born comedian George Carlin (1937-2008) wrote in his bestselling book, Brain Droppings (1997): "The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument…
“I ate at Mary Poppin’s Restaurant. Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious!”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Mary Poppins (film)Mary Poppins is a 1964 American musical fantasy comedy film directed by Robert Stevenson and produced by Walt Disney, with songs written and…
“I ate four cans of alphabet soup and had the biggest vowel movement ever”
"I ate four cans of alphabet soup and had the biggest vowel movement ever" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on posters and ecards. The "vowel movement" (vowel…
“I ate so much okra I slid out of bed!” or “I couldn’t keep my socks up!”
Boiled okra has a reputation for being slimy. Many people survived on okra in the depression years of the 1930s, and the phrase arose: "I ate so much okra I slid out of bed!" Some people…
“I ate the exam paper. Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test”
A joke about "passing" a test was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September 26, 2019: "I ate the exam paper. Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test." Reddit --…
“I ate too much cookie dough and got sick. It was an overdoughse”
"Overdoughse" (overdose + dough) is a jocular word to describe what might occur from eating too much cookie/pizza dough. "Approaching cookie overdoughse" was posted on Twitter…
“I ate too much Middle Eastern food and now I falafel”
"Falafel" sounds like "feel awful," prompting the pun: "I ate too much Middle Eastern food and now I falafel." "Clever pun. Now I falafel" was cited in a…
“I avoid Twitter drama by being unpopular”
"I avoid Twitter drama by being unpopular" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by Man of Letters on December 17, 2021, and again on X/Twitter on June 20, 2024. The joke implies that…