“I assume that people who don’t drink coffee all die around 2 p.m.”
"I assume people who don't drink coffee just die around 2 p.m." (or "I assume that people who don't drink coffee all die around 2 p.m.") is a coffee saying that has…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I ate a kid’s meal at McDonald’s for lunch. His mom was furious”
"I ate a kid's meal at Macdonalds earlier today. His mum was furious" was posted on Facebook by Rob Savant on November 9, 2020. "I ate a kid's meal at McDonalds this…
“I ate at a family restaurant. Every table had an argument going”
Manhattan-born comedian George Carlin (1937-2008) wrote in his bestselling book, Brain Droppings (1997): "The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument…
“I ate at Mary Poppin’s Restaurant. Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious!”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Mary Poppins (film)Mary Poppins is a 1964 American musical fantasy comedy film directed by Robert Stevenson and produced by Walt Disney, with songs written and…
“I ate four cans of alphabet soup and had the biggest vowel movement ever”
"I ate four cans of alphabet soup and had the biggest vowel movement ever" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on posters and ecards. The "vowel movement" (vowel…
“I ate so much okra I slid out of bed!” or “I couldn’t keep my socks up!”
Boiled okra has a reputation for being slimy. Many people survived on okra in the depression years of the 1930s, and the phrase arose: "I ate so much okra I slid out of bed!" Some people…
“I ate the exam paper. Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test”
A joke about "passing" a test was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September 26, 2019: "I ate the exam paper. Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test." Reddit --…
“I ate too much cookie dough and got sick. It was an overdoughse”
"Overdoughse" (overdose + dough) is a jocular word to describe what might occur from eating too much cookie/pizza dough. "Approaching cookie overdoughse" was posted on Twitter…
“I ate too much Middle Eastern food and now I falafel”
"Falafel" sounds like "feel awful," prompting the pun: "I ate too much Middle Eastern food and now I falafel." "Clever pun. Now I falafel" was cited in a…
“I avoid Twitter drama by being unpopular”
"I avoid Twitter drama by being unpopular" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by Man of Letters on December 17, 2021, and again on X/Twitter on June 20, 2024. The joke implies that…
“I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four”
"I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four" -- the first numbers are odds, but the second numbers are a time (it took the horse over three hours to run the…
“I bake because punching people is frowned upon”
"I bake because punching people is frowned upon" is a baking saying that has been printed on many images. "I Bake Because Punching Is Frowned Upon" was posted on Twitter by Sian…
“I be drinking water in front of my plants so they remember who the breadwinner is”
"drinking water in front of my plants so they remember who the breadwinner is" was posted on Twitter by farah mynaf ☾ on March 11, 2022. The tweet went viral and received over 218,000…
“I be flying home after work like I’m late for the house”
"I drive home so quick after work like I'm late for the house" is a saying that has been printed on many imaes. Some people can't wait to get home after a day's work.…
“I be hella fake at work using words I never use irl like ‘awesome’”
Many people act fake at work, pretending to be pleasant and agreeable with co-workers. "I'm so fake at work. I honestly don't give two fucks about how your days been going smh"…
“I beat a black belt at karate. My next opponent is a green sock”
To face "a black belt at karate" usually means facing "a person with a black belt," but a joke is: "I beat a black belt at karate. My next opponent is a green sock."…
“I beat anorexia”
"I beat anorexia" -- that is, the speaker is not thin -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I beat anorexia" -- a literal use -- was a segment on…
“I beat my boss over the head with a pie chart. I’ve been charged with a graph-aided assault”
A work pun was posted on the website PunGents.com on August 4, 2017: "So… I beat my boss over the head with a pie chart. And they charged me with a graph-aided assault." "A…
“I became math teacher to teach subtraction. I just want to make a difference”
Do math teachers who teach subtraction "make a difference"? "When I was a kid I wanted to make a difference. But my math teacher said I sucked at subtraction" was posted on…
“I before E except after C has been disproved by science”
"'I before E except after C' has been disproved by science" is a joke about spelling that has been printed on an ecard. Along with the word "science," there are many…