“If she drinks and you never get drunk texts, you ain’t the one”
When a woman drinks and she drunk texts, it's almost always to someone she wants the most. "If she doesn't text you when she's drunk, you ain't the one" is a saying…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If sheep could vote, they’d pick the guy who feeds them”
"If sheep could vote" is a political saying that has been printed on many images. The sheep would vote for the person who feeds them and fattens them up, not realizing that this is the…
“If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian”
"If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian" is a saying that has been printed on many images. It is usually credited to English singer-songwriter (and vegetarian…
“If sleep is so important, then why does school start so early?”
"If sleep is so important, then why does school start so early?" is a jocular one-line school saying that has been printed on many images. Many schools start the day before 9 a.m.…
“If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures salmon?”
"If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures salmon?" is a funny one-line saying. The joke was printed in "Your Morning Smile" in The Globe and Mail (Toronto, Ontario) on…
“If snow is made of water and water has no calories, how come snowmen are fat?”
"If snow is made of water and water has no calories, how come snowmen are fat?" is a jocular winter question. The one-liner was posted on Twitter by FunnyOneLiners on December 13,…
“If socialist college professors believed their own propaganda, wouldn’t they teach for free?”
"If socialist college professors believed their own propaganda, wouldn't they teach for free?" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "IF SOCIALIST COLLEGE PROFESSORS…
“If someone has a pasta fetish, do they call it fetishinni?”
Fettuccine (a type of pasta) isn't composed of fetishes, but there are jokes. "Fetishini Alfredo #failedmenuitems" was posted on Twitter by VCTF on November 17, 2010. "Do…
“If someone is videotaping a person in a mask, is that a masking tape?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in some requirements to wear face masks. Masking tape is not necessarily just for face masks, but there are jokes. "If I tear my mask, can I use…
“If someone isn’t kind to animals, don’t trust them”
"Never trust anyone/someone who isn't kind to animals" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Never trust a person that isn't kind to animals. Scientific…
“If someone says that they are short staffed at work, does that mean only midgets work there?”
An organization that is "short-staffed" is short of staff; the organizaton doesn't necessary have workers who aren't tall. "Are restaurants with Dwarf Waiters short…
“If someone steals my identity, I really hope they pay off my debt”
"If someone steals my identity, I really hope they pay off my debt" is a jocular saying that has been printed on an ecard. "Although, if someone steals my identity, they have to pay…
“If someone tells you that you drink too much coffee, stop talking to them…”
"If anybody/anyone/somebody/someone tells you that you drink too much coffee, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life" is a jocular coffee saying…
“If someone throws a stone at you, throw a flower at them—with the flower pot”
"If someone throws a stone at you, throw a flower at them But remember to throw the flower pot with it" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on…
“If someone wants you, nothing will keep them away”
"If someone wants you, nothing can keep them away. If they don't want you, nothing can make them stay" was cited in print in 2004 and is of unknown authorship. Several numbered…
“If someone’s job requires an ‘appreciation week’ it means they’re not getting paid enough”
"If someone's job requires an 'appreciation week' it means they're not getting paid enough" (or "If your job comes with an 'appreciation week,' you’re…
“If something cannot go on forever, it will stop” (Stein’s Law)
Economist Herbert Stein (1916-1999) wrote in 1986: "But if it can't go on forever it will stop. And if we never do anything that we can't go on doing forever we will never do very…
“If something here offends you, please let us know. We can all use a good laugh”
"If something here offends you, please let us know. We can all use a good laugh" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If Something Here Offends You, Please Let Us Know,…
“If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is”
"If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is" was a catchphrase used by the Better Business Bureau to alert the public to shady business practices. The phrase was used since at least…
“If speaking kindly to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking kindly to humans can do”
"If speaking kindly to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking kindly to humans can do" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If speaking kindly to plants helps…