“If only vegetables smelt as good as bacon”
American syndicated newspaper columnist Doug Larson (1926-2017) wrote in the Green Bay (WI) Press-Gazette on July 16, 1989: "Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door”
"Opportunity knocks but once" is a proverb that dates, in various forms, to the 1500s. "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door" is a jocular take on the old proverb…
“If oranges could talk, what language would they speak?”/“Mandarin.”
A mandarin orange doesn't speak Mandarin, but there are jokes. "In a Rosetta Stone commercial, a lady claims to know Mandarin. I had no idea oranges could speak! And with such zest.…
“If overthinking situations burned calories, I’d be dead”
"If overthinking situations burned calories, I'd be dead" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If overthinking burned calories then I'd be stick thin"…
“If past history is all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians”
"If past history is all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians" is one of the sayings of American investor Warren Buffett. It's another way of stating the…
“If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was bad…”
"Taxation without representation is tyranny" was a slogan of the American Revolution. A modern version of the saying is: "If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was…
“If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with Self Checkouts make prices go down?”
"If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn't replacing cashiers with Self Checkouts make prices go down?" is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?”
"If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?" is a joke that has been included in many collections of one-line saying. "If…
“If people are talking about you behind your back, then just fart”
"If people are talking about you behind your back, then just fart" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Don't get angry when people are talking behind your…
“If people are trying to bring you down, it only means that you are above them”
"If people are trying to bring you down, it only means that you are above them" is saying that has been printed on many posters. "There will always be someone trying to bring you…
“If people aren’t laughing at your dreams, your dreams aren’t big enough”
"If people aren't laughing at your dreams, your dreams aren't big enough" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If people aren't laughing at your dreams,…
“If people can’t be trusted to govern themselves, how can they be trusted to govern others?”
"Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he then be trusted with the government of others?" was said by Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) at his…
“If people cannot be trusted to govern themselves, how can they be trusted to govern other people?”
"Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he then be trusted with the government of others?" was said by Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) at his…
“If people concentrated on the really important things, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles”
"If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles" is a jocular fishing saying that has been printed on many images. American…
“If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit ‘end call,’ we would have no friends”
"If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit 'end call,' we would have no friends" is a jocular phone saying that has been printed on many images. "If people…
“If people don’t appreciate what you bring to the table, let them eat alone”
"Don't let your loyalty become slavery. If they don't appreciate what you bring to the table, then let them eat alone" is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“If people make you sick, then maybe you should cook them longer”
"If people make you sick, then maybe you should cook them longer" is a jocular cannibalistic saying that has been printed on many images. "If people make you sick, cook them…
“If people were influenced by video games, the majority of Facebook users would be farmers by now”
"If people were influenced by video games, then the majority of Facebook users would be farmers by now" is a jocular saying about gaming that has been printed on many images. The joke…
“If pessimism were an Olympic sport, I would still not win it”
"If pessimism was/were an Olympic sport...” is the start of a joke. "If pessimism was an Olympic sport... I'd still probably only get bronze at best. #Olympics" was posted on…
“If pigs could fly, imagine how good their wings would taste”
"If pigs could fly, I bet their wings would taste delicious" is a food thought that has been printed on an ecard. "If pigs really could fly, I bet their wings would taste absolutely…