"If people were influenced by video games, then the majority of Facebook users would be farmers by now" is a jocular saying about gaming that has been printed on many images. The joke…
"If pessimism was/were an Olympic sport...” is the start of a joke. "If pessimism was an Olympic sport... I'd still probably only get bronze at best. #Olympics" was posted on…
"If pigs could fly, I bet their wings would taste delicious" is a food thought that has been printed on an ecard. "If pigs really could fly, I bet their wings would taste absolutely…
"If police are really here to protect us, the entire government would be in prison" (or "If the police were here to protect us, the entire government would be arrested") is a…
"Pensar que imprimiendo billetes se acaba con la pobreza es como pensar que imprimiendo diplomas se acaba con la ignorancia" ("Thinking that printing banknotes ends poverty is like…
"Do prisoners take cellfies?" was posted on Twitter by Michael Willits on August 27, 2013. "Cellfie" (cell + selfie) is a portmanteau word. "party-in-the-morgue:…
A popular pro/con joke goes: "If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con,' what's the opposite of progress?" The joke about Congress dates to at least 1880, when it was…
A popular pro/con joke goes: "If pro is the opposite of con, then the opposite of the Constitution is prostitution." "The opposite of Constitution is Prostitution" was cited in…
"If procrastination was/were an Olympic sport..." is the start of a joke that has been printed on many images. "If procrastination were an olympic sport, I'd take home the…
"If procrastination was/were an Olympic sport..." is the start of a joke that has been printed on many images. "If procrastination were an olympic sport, I'd take home the…
"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?" is a one-line pun on the word "testicle." "If a small quiz is a quizzical, what's a small test?" was cited in print in…
Meat contains iron, called heme iron, that can be readily absorbed. That doesn't mean that animals are made of iron, but there are jokes. "If red meat has so much iron in it why don’t…
"If regular guns are firearms, squirt guns should be called waterarms" was posted on Twitter by [Cat face]ri-Warui on October 24, 2017. "If guns are firearms, then are squirt guns…
What do state schools teach? "If trade schools teach trades, and religious schools teach religion, then what do state schools teach?" was posted on Facebook by Justin Damask on May 23,…
"If roosters can start the/their day by screaming, then (damn it) so can I" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If a rooster can start the day screaming then so can…
"If roosters can start the/their day by screaming, then (damn it) so can I" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If a rooster can start the day screaming then so can…
A "Santa Claus Rally" is a stock rally at the end of the year, at Christmas and New Year's Day. Yale Hirsch first described the rally in his Stock Trader's Almanac. By 1972,…
"If school isn't a place to sleep, then home isn't a place to study" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "If the school is not a place to sleep so the…
"If science was never questioned, you’d still be drinking cocaine, giving kids cough syrup with heroin, spraying people with DDT, and smoking the cigarette brand your doctor…
Are food trucks really mobile vending machines? "And instead of food trucks, we refer to them as mobile vending machines?" was posted on Twitter on December 20, 2016. "If self…