“If tea leaves, does coffee have grounds for divorce?”
A joke has tea and coffee married: "If the tea leaves, does it give the coffee grounds for divorce?" The tea and coffee puns were cited in several newspapers in 1911. 26 May 1911, New…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If Tetris has taught me anything, it’s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear”
"If Tetris has taught me anything, it’s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear" is a saying about the tile-matching puzzle video game that has been printed on several images.…
“If Texas saw many, many more tornadoes, it would be called “Vortexas’”
"VorTexas" (vortex + Texas) is a portmanteau word that is sometimes used. "#vorTexas" was posted on Twitter by Tammi Jonas on July 16, 2011. "If Texas saw many, many more…
“If that were true it would be on the news”
"If that was/were true it would be on the news" is a saying that occurs to some people when told of some event (child trafficking, food and vaccine safety, political corruption and more).…
“If the ‘germ theory of disease’ were correct, there would be nobody alive to believe it”
"If the 'germ theory of disease' were correct, there'd be no one living to believe it" or "If the 'germ theory of disease' were correct, there would be…
“If the ‘germ theory of disease’ were correct, there’d be no one living to believe it”
"If the 'germ theory of disease' were correct, there'd be no one living to believe it" or "If the 'germ theory of disease' were correct, there would be…
“If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency…”
Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) is sometimes quoted for having said: "If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by…
“If the bar ain’t bending, you’re just pretending”
"If the bar ain't bending, you're just pretending" is a weightlifting saying that has been printed on T-shirts and posters. "If the bar ain't bending, you're just…
“If the broom fits, fly it”
"If the broom fits, fly it" -- a Halloween saying referring to witches flying brooms -- has been printed on many images. It's a variation on the saying, "if the shoe fits, wear…
“If the climate were a bank, it would have been saved by now”
"If the climate were a bank, it would have been saved" is a climate change slogan that has been printed on many images. U.S. banks were bailed out in the Emergency Economic Stabilization…
“If the cops have no duty to protect you, then the only point of their existence is…”
The police have no duty to protect you, the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled. "If the cops have no duty to protect you, then the only point of their existence is to be used against you"…
“If the coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic led to some jocular pickup lines. This was posted on Twitter by yikes on March 9, 2020: "If the coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?" "If…
“If the customers catch a cold, the manufacturers catch pneumonia”
A business relies on the financial health of its customers. "If the customers (especially large customers) catch a cold, the manufacturers catch pneumonia" is a business adage.…
“If the devil can distract you, he can destroy you”
"The enemy doesn’t have to defeat you. All they have to do is distract you" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "If the enemy can't destroy you he'll…
“If the early bird gets the worm, can I sleep in and get some bacon?”
“The early bird gets the worm” is a proverb dating from at least the 17th century. It means that whoever does something first has the best chance of success. Many people like bacon for…
“If the earth is flat, how is it a global conspiracy?”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterFaustslaughter @FaustslaughterThere's actually people out there that believe the earth is flat & the spherical planet is a lie. It's a…
“If the enemy can’t destroy you, he’ll distract you”
"The enemy doesn’t have to defeat you. All they have to do is distract you" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "If the enemy can't destroy you he'll…
“If the enemy can’t destroy you, he’ll try and distract you”
"The enemy doesn’t have to defeat you. All they have to do is distract you" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "If the enemy can't destroy you he'll…
“If the FBI won’t investigate it, they’re in on it. If the media won’t report it, they’re in on it”
"If the FBI won't investigate it, they're in on it. If the media won't report it, they're in on it. If Congress won't talk about it, they're in on it" is a…
“If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn?”
The Dodge Brothers brand of automobiles began in 1914. Almost immediately, a popular joke was told that it was the only car that didn't need a horn -- because it says "Dodge" on the…