“If my calculations are correct, I have absolutely no money”
"If my calculations are correct, I have no money" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the speaker probably knew about the lack of money and didn't have…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If my calculations are correct, I have no money”
"If my calculations are correct, I have no money" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the speaker probably knew about the lack of money and didn't have…
“If my cat makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room”
"If my cat/dog/pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the pet is not being locked in…
“If my dog makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room”
"If my cat/dog/pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the pet is not being locked in…
“If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first”
"If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. It can be difficult to get a family to help clean a…
“If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they’d leave that one on, too”
Children leave lots of lights on. "If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they'd leave that one on, too" is a jocular saying that as been printed on many images. "If my…
“If my last name was Pepper, you can bet your ass I’d have gone to medical school”
Dr Pepper is a carbonated soft drink. "If my last name was pepper I would go to medical school" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Charles Rogers on February 8, 2014. "if my…
“If my pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room”
"If my cat/dog/pet makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy to lock you in the other room" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The joke is that the pet is not being locked in…
“If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball”
The golf balls of many golfers always seem to find water. "IF NASA REALLY WANTS TO FIND WATER ON MARS, THEY SHOULD JUST SEND ME THERE TO HIT A GOLF BALL" is a joke that was featured in a…
“If nature didn’t make it, don’t take it”
"If nature didn't make it, don't take it" is a health saying that has beenprinted on many images. The saying is usually attributed to Alfredo Darrington Bowman (1933-2016), also…
“If nature doesn’t make it, don’t take it”
"If nature didn't make it, don't take it" is a health saying that has beenprinted on many images. The saying is usually attributed to Alfredo Darrington Bowman (1933-2016), also…
“If nature don’t make it, don’t take it”
"If nature didn't make it, don't take it" is a health saying that has beenprinted on many images. The saying is usually attributed to Alfredo Darrington Bowman (1933-2016), also…
“If nominated I will not accept, and if elected I will not serve”
"If nominated I will not accept/run, (and) if elected I will not serve" is the famous "Sherman statement" on declining to run for political office, but William Tecumseh Sherman…
“If not us, who? If not now, when?”
"If not us, who? If not now, when?" This quotation is similar to what Rabbi Hillel the Elder wrote in the Pirkay Avot: "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for…
“If nothing sticks to Teflon, how does Teflon stick to the pan?”
"If nothing sticks to Teflon, how does Teflon stick to the pan?" is a standard joke on many Internet websites. "How do they make Teflon stick to the pan?" has been cited in…
“If number two pencils are so popular, why are they still number two?”
No. 2 pencils are often required on standardized tests. The name "No. 2" refers to the graphite grading scale. A popular joke has been cited in print since at least 1998: "If a…
“If one door closes and another door opens, you’re probably in prison”
"When one door closes, another opens" is an old proverb about opportunity. A joke variation is: "If one door closes and another door opens, you’re probably in prison."…
“If one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted”
"When one door shuts, another opens" is an old proverb about opportunity. "If one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted" is a jocular variation that…
“If one teacher can’t teach every subject, why does one student have to learn them all?”
"If one teacher can't teach every subject, why does one student have to learn them all?" is an education question that has been printed on an image. "If one Teacher can’t…
“If only closed minds came with closed mouths”
"If only closed minds came with closed mouths" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "IF ONLY CLOSED MINDS CAME WITH CLOSED MOUTHS," credited to Nicole Aitoro of New…