“If you know how to cheat, start now”
When pitcher Ross Grimsley was with the Baltimore Orioles (1974-77), he had a very bad outing. Either Orioles Manager Earl Weaver (1930-2013) or Orioles Pitching Coach George Bamberger (1923-2004)…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If you know someone who is effortlessly happy in the morning, that is a demon. You’re friends with a demon”
Many people are not morning people. "If you know someone who is effortlessly happy in the morning, that is a demon. You're friends with a demon" is a jocular saying that has been…
“If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster”
Can cooking alphabet soup spell trouble? "If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster. (Pun of the Day)" was posted on the newsgroup Google Groups:…
“If you leave an alcoholic drink for Santa this year, it must be accompanied by a substantial meal”
The 2020 COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic closed many bars and restaurants. Some bars were allowed to serve drinks, but only if the establishment also served a "substantial meal."…
“If you leave your children a world where you never stood up, they’ll get one where they can’t”
"If you leave your children a world where you never stood up, they’ll inherit a world where they can’t" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "parents, IF YOU LEAVE…
“If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it”
"If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it" is a popular joke, meaning that the $20 (that is not paid back) is a small sum to be rid of an…
“If you let a grilled cheese get cold, it becomes chilled grease”
"Grilled cheese" has a spoonerism in "chilled grease." "JUST before Sunday supper, a Des Moines man asked his daughter if she would like a chilled grease sandwich" was…
“If you let politicians break the law in an emergency, they will create an emergency…”
Government often has "emergency" exceptions to laws. "If you let the government break the law because of an 'emergency', they will always create an 'emergency' to…
“If you let social media get to you, I can imagine what real life be doing to your ass”
Many people take social media much too seriously. "If you let social media get to you i can only imagine what real life does to you" was posted on Twitter by Shiloh_ on August 9, 2017.…
“If you let social media get to you, I can only imagine what real life does to you”
Many people take social media much too seriously. "If you let social media get to you i can only imagine what real life does to you" was posted on Twitter by Shiloh_ on August 9, 2017.…
“If you let the government break the law because of an ‘emergency’...”
Government often has "emergency" exceptions to laws. "If you let the government break the law because of an 'emergency', they will always create an 'emergency' to…
“If you let them use you as a lab rat, don’t be surprised when they put you in a cage”
A 15-minute city is a planned living environment that some governments are forcing on citizens. "IF YOU LET THEM USE YOU AS A LAB RAT, DON'T BE SURPRISED WHEN THEY PUT YOU IN A CAGE…
“If you like pinochle otters…” (The Piña Colada Song mondegreen)
"Do/If you like pinochle otters" is a mondegreen (misheard lyric) of "If you like piña coladas" in "The Piña Colada Song" (1979). Pinochle otters have been shown on…
“If you like subpoena coladas, and getting caught in Ukraine”
Piña colada (a cocktail) has nothing to do with subpoenas, but there are lawyer jokes. "Am I a lawyer? Lemme see ... I failed my bar exam (added too much rum to the subpoena colada), so the…
“If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right”
Apple Inc. founder Steve Jobs (1955-2011) delivered an emotional and personal commencement address at Stanford University in 2005: "When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like:…
“If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee”
"If you ever live in a community run by a committee, be on the committee" has been credited to American social scientist William Graham Sumner (1840-1910). It's uncertain when he…
“If you live in New York, you’re Jewish” (Lenny Bruce)
New York comedian Lenny Bruce (1925-1966) was known for his off-color material in the 1960s. In one routine, he explained what "Jewish" was, as opposed to "goyish" (not Jewish).…
“If you look down, you will fall. If you look up, you will fly”
"If you look down, you will fall. If you look up, you will fly" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on an image. The saying was posted on Twitter on January 25, 2012.…
“If you look good, you play good” (sports adage)
"If you look good, you play good" is a sports saying that has been printed on many images. "If you look good, you feel good and you play good" was printed in The Evening Sun…
“If you look like your passport photo, you need the trip”
"Passport pictures are notoriously unpleasant and unflattering," the New York (NY) Times published in September 1930. A popular line appeared in an Associated Press story in June 1954:…