“If you eat too much chorizo you’ll end up chorizontal”
"Chorizontal" (chorizo + horizontal) is a food portmanteau word that has appeared in several jokes. "'What type of land are chorizo factories built on?'…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If you eat too much prison chili, you might lose your right to remain silent”
Many prisons serve chili. Some prison chili is quite good, such as the famous Dallas County Jail Chili (Texas Prison Chili). On the American comedy television program Most Extreme Elimination…
“If you educate a woman, you educate a nation”
"If you educate a woman, you educate a family/nation" is a much-cited education adage that has been credited to many people. Catherine Esther Beecher (1800-1878), an American educator,…
“If you even dream of beating me, you’d better wake up and apologize”
"If you even dream of beating me, you'd better wake up and apologize" is a boxer's taunt that was popularized by Muhammad Ali (1942-2016). Ali said about competitor Joe Frazier…
“If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly because communication is key”
"Communication is key" is a saying; it doesn't refer to an actual key that opens locks, but there are jokes. "If communication is the key...we are locked out" was posted on…
“If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne, hit it with a ship”
Paul F. Taylor submitted this champagne bottle joke to the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2009: "If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne. My advice, hit it with a ship. I've…
“If you ever hear me order decaf coffee, I’ve been kidnapped and I’m trying to signal you”
"If you ever hear me order a decaf coffee, I've been kidnapped and I'm trying to signal you" is a jocular coffee saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics”
Politicians have been known to stretch the truth. "If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics" was written by American humorist Will Rogers (1879-1935) in his…
“If you ever injected truth into politics you’d have no politics”
Politicians have been known to stretch the truth. "If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics" was written by American humorist Will Rogers (1879-1935) in his…
“If you ever start to feel too confident, just get out of a bean bag chair in front of people”
Entry in progress -- BP TwitterDaniPete@mrsdanipetersonI'm pretty confident there is no graceful way to get out of a hammock.4:44 PM · Jun 24, 2013·Twitter for Android TwitterAndrea…
“If you ever think I’m ignoring you, I swear I am. My phone is in my hand 24/7”
When a person doesn't respond to a text, is that intentional or is that person just away from a phone? "My phone is always in my hand so if you think I’m ignoring you, I am" is a…
“If you ever want to quit drinking, eat Twizzlers. They’re not alcohol, but they’re liquorish”
"Licorice" sounds like "liquorish." "Hahaaa Twizzlers look like this http://bit.ly/n4Da9P :) They're liquorish :)" was posted on Twitter by…
“If you exercise, you might get a trophy. If you don’t, you might get atrophy”
"If you exercise, you might get a trophy. If you don't, you might get atrophy" is a popular meme. "My trainer told me even if I don't win a trophy, I could get…
“If you export bombs, don’t complain about importing refugees”
"If you export bombs, don't complain about importing refugees" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If you export bombs don't expect flowers in return"…
“If you export bombs, expect to import refugees”
"If you export bombs, don't complain about importing refugees" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If you export bombs don't expect flowers in return"…
“If you fail your kindergarten coloring book exam, you need a shoulder to crayon”
The expression "a shoulder to cry on" is often changed to the pun "a shoulder to crayon." "I'm really upset that I can't find a body part to draw, I need a…
“If you fear change, leave it here” (tip jar sign)
"If you fear change, leave it here" is a tip jar sign that has been printed on many images. "If you fear change, leave it here" was printed in The Oregonian (Portland, OR) on…
“If you feel the need to point out that I look tired, the least you could do is buy me a coffee”
"If you feel the need to point out that I look tired, the least you could do is buy me a coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "If u feel the need to point…
“If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere”
"If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. “If you find a path with no…
“If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn’t plan your mission properly”
"If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck" and ""If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly" are sayings that have been…