“If you don’t have a boob job, you should be able to collect boob unemployment”
A "boob job" means work done on a breast (boob). It is not an actual job, but there are jokes. "If boobjobs were actually jobs, I'd file for boobunemployment& the gov't…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If you don’t hear an offensive lineman’s named called, he is doing a good job” (football adage)
An old football adage is that no one hears about an offensive lineman when that player is doing a good job. If you hear an offensive lineman's name mentioned in the course of a football game,…
“If you don’t know they control both the narrative and the counter narrative, you are not awake”
"If you don’t know they control both the narrative *and* the counter-narrative you’re not awake yet" was posted on Twitter by Jay Carter on October 3, 2021. "IF YOU DON'T…
“If you don’t like being a doormat, then get off the floor”
"If you don't like being a doormat, then get off the floor" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been used by Al-Anon since at least October…
“If you don’t like gay marriage, blame straight people (for having gay babies)”
"If you don't like gay marriage, blame straight people. They're the ones who keep having gay babies." This line in support of gay marriage appears to date to at least 2006 and…
“If you don’t like something I post, just ignore it like you ignore government corruption”
"If I post something you don't like, just ignore it like you ignore government corruption" (or "If I post something you don't like, just ignore it like you ignore the…
“If you don’t like tacos, I’m nacho type”
"If you don’t like tacos, I’m nacho type" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images. "Nacho type" sounds like "not your type." "If you…
“If you don’t like where you are, move! You are not a tree!”
"If you don't like where you are, move! You are not a tree!" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "If you don't like where you are, get out, or…
“If you don’t moo every time you drive past cows, what are you doing with your life?”
Many people can't drive past cows without saying "cows" or "moo." "You're never too old to say 'cows' when you drive past some cows" was posted on…
“If you don’t read a newspaper, you’re uninformed; if you do read one, you’re misinformed”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikiquote: Mark TwainSamuel Langhorne Clemens (November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910), better known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American humorist, novelist, writer,…
“If you don’t swear while driving, then you’re not paying attention to the road at all”
"If you don’t swear while driving, then you’re not paying attention to the road at all" is a jocular statement that has been printed on many images. The saying was cited in print…
“If you drink hot chocolate with a spoon, it’s like chocolate soup”
Hot chocolate (hot cocoa) has been described as chocolate soup. "Hot chocolate is just really just chocolate soup!" was posted on Twitter by Laura Kadner on December 24, 2010.…
“If you drink hot cocoa with a spoon, it becomes chocolate soup”
Hot chocolate (hot cocoa) has been described as chocolate soup. "Hot chocolate is just really just chocolate soup!" was posted on Twitter by Laura Kadner on December 24, 2010.…
“If you drink like a fish, swim—don’t drive”
"If you drink like a fish, swim -- don't drive" is a popular bumper sticker. "If you drink like a fish, don't drive. swim" was cited in print in July 1959 and credited…
“If you drink vodka & orange juice from the skull of a guy named Phil— Philip’s head screwdriver”
A screwdriver cocktail and a Phillips head screwdriver (a tool) are different things, but there are jokes. "If you drink vodka & orange juice from the skull of a guy named Phil, you have…
“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt”
American singer, actor and comedian Dean Martin (1917-1995) liked to drink and he liked to golf, and is credited with the popular quote: ' "If you drink, don't drive. Don't even…
“If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?”/“U r a bus.”
Subaru is a Japanese automaker. Many people have noticed that "Subaru" spelled backwards is "u r a bus" (you are a bus). "Billy Sage says that for economy you can't…
“If you drive past cows and don’t say ‘cows,’ you’re a psychopath”
Many people can't drive past cows without saying "cows" or "moo." "You're never too old to say 'cows' when you drive past some cows" was posted on…
“If you drive past cows and don’t ‘moo’ at them, you’re a psychopath”
Many people can't drive past cows without saying "cows" or "moo." "You're never too old to say 'cows' when you drive past some cows" was posted on…
“If you drive past horses and don’t say ‘horses,’ you’re a psychopath”
Many people can't drive past horses without pointing it out to others in the car. "idc how old you are if you drive past horses you're going to say 'horsies'" was…