“I was going to eat a spaghetti squash, but then I thought, ‘Nah, I butternut’”
"Butternut" sounds like "better not." "I'm a fan of squash puns, so I was going to like that, but then I decided I butternut" was posted on Twitter on August 26,…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I was going to join the debating team, but somebody talked me out of it”
A joke about the debating club is: "In university, I was going to join the debating team, but someone talked me out of it." Canadian comedian Stewart Francis has told the one-line joke in…
“I was going to make a joke about carpentry, but can’t think of any that wood work”
"Woodwork" sounds like "would work." "I'd also tell a joke about carpentry but I'm not sure it woodwork" was posted on Twitter by Amarachi on April 14, 2015.…
“I was going to make a joke about sodium, but Na”
The symbol for the chemical element Sodium is "Na," prompting the popular joke: "I was going to make a joke about sodium, but Na." "'Hey, know any good jokes about…
“I was going to post about my afternoon run, but I was autocorrected to afternoon rum”
"Run" and "rum" should not be confused. "@BKnockin afternoon run or rum? I like the latter ;)" was posted on Twitter by Michelle “MBennz” Bennett on January 5,…
“I was going to share a vegetable joke, but it’s corny”
Corn has many "corny" jokes. "Wanna hear a vegetable joke? nevermind, its too CORNy...meheh" was posted on Twitter on November 16, 2010. "I was gonna share a vegetable…
“I was going to start a hillside herb garden, but didn’t have the thyme or the inclination”
A joke about planting an herb garden was posted on Twitter by Shane Jarvis on September 22, 2009: "Was going to start a herb garden business on a hillside but I found I didn't have the…
“I was going to start a taxi service for seniors and call it Oldsmobile”
Oldsmobile was a brand of American automobiles from 1897 to 2004. The company was named after Ransom E. Olds (1864-1950). The "Oldsmobile" name doesn't mean that it's an…
“I was going to tell a finance joke, but then again, it would bear no interest to you”
A finance joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on September 29, 2017: "I was going to tell a finance joke, but then again, it would bear no interest to you." Reddit -- OnelinersI was…
“I was going to turn all my guns over to the government, but I did a background check…”
"Well, I was going to turn all my guns over to the government; but I did a background check and none of them were mentally stable" was posted on Twitter by Doug Sehorne on September 15,…
“I was gonna start dieting, but Halloween is coming up, then Thanksgiving and Christmas candy…”
Holidays can interfere with dieting. "I was gonna start dieting, but Halloween is coming up, then Thanksgiving and Christmas candy. Before you know it, it's BBQ season again and I'm…
“I was gonna tell a joke about a broken clock, but it’s not the right time”
"I have a joke about a broken clock but it’s not the right time" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by Matt Walsh on July 25, 2020. "I was gonna tell a a joke about a broken…
“I was gutted today when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine…”
Fathers can be pretty bad at picking up a child at school, and there's a joke about this. "When I came home I was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't mine. She was right I…
“I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I feel I’m aging more like an avocado”
"I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. An avocado ages very fast. "I WAS HOPING TO…
“I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado”
"I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. An avocado ages very fast. "I WAS HOPING TO…
“I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I’m feeling more like an avocado”
"I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. An avocado ages very fast. "I WAS HOPING TO…
“I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but it seems more like a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20”
"I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but it seems more like a bottle of MD 20/20" is a joke that has been printed on many images. MD 20/20 (often called Mad Dog 20/20) is usually not…
“I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but it seems more like a bottle of MD 20/20”
"I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but it seems more like a bottle of MD 20/20" is a joke that has been printed on many images. MD 20/20 (often called Mad Dog 20/20) is usually not…
“I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn’t mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pickup”
Fathers can be pretty bad at picking up a child at school, and there's a joke about this. "When I came home I was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't mine. She was right I…
“I was in a restaurant last night and the waiter asked me to cover his shift” (joke)
The term "wait a minute" doesn't literally mean that, but there's a joke: "I was in a restaurant last night and the waiter asked me to cover his shift for 60 seconds. I…