“I’m a crepe. I’m a weirdough. What the hell am I doughing here? I donut belong here”
"Weirdo" is sometimes jocularly written as "weirdough" (weird/weirdo + dough). "Crêpe" can sound like "creep," and "donut" like "do…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’m a dollarbetic because I don’t feel good when my money low”
"When my money low, I don't feel good. I think I'm a dollarbetic" (usually shown spoken by Baby Yoda) is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Dollarbetic"…
“I’m a good housekeeper; every time I get a divorce, I keep the house”
Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917-2016) married nine times. She often told a joke about her marriages and her special housekeeping ability: "I'm a wonderful housekeeper. Every time I'm divorced, I…
“I’m a graduate, so a thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains”
Comparing a graduate with a thermometer is an old joke. "Thermometers are not the only things which are graduated and get degrees without brains" was cited in the Cornell Widow college…
“I’m a lawyer. I’m here to defend your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a lawyer. I'm here to defend/help/protect your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "i'm lawyer my job is to protect your ass NOT…
“I’m a lawyer. I’m here to protect your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a lawyer. I'm here to defend/help/protect your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "i'm lawyer my job is to protect your ass NOT…
“I’m a lawyer. It’s my job to defend your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a lawyer. I'm here to defend/help/protect your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "i'm lawyer my job is to protect your ass NOT…
“I’m a lawyer.” / “Honest?” / “No, the regular kind.”
“I’m a lawyer.” “Honest?” “No, the regular kind" is a lawyer joke that was posted on the newsgroup alt.bbs.wildcat on February 15, 1996. The joke is that the speaker had meant…
“I’m a light eater; when it gets light, I start eating”
"I'm a light eater; when it gets light, I start eating" is a joke that has been attributed to baseball pitcher Tommy John, baseball coach Tommy Lasorda and football defensive tackle…
“I’m a magician who steals candy bars. You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve”
The Twix chocolate bar has had a few puns, such as a magician having Twix (tricks) up his sleeve. "One laugh on all of NBC's Thursday night shows: Twix up my sleeve. Ruined by being in…
“I’m a magician. I can make my paycheck disappear”
A popular paycheck joke is: "I'm a magician. I can make my paycheck disappear." "You're (magician Doug Henning -- ed.) good...but the government is faster at ,making a…
“I’m a millennial, so my retirement plan is societal collapse”
"I'm a millennial, so my retirement plan is societal collapse" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Many millennials cannot afford a retirement plan. "RT…
“I’m a nurse. I’m here to save your ass, not kiss it”
"I'm a nurse. I'm here to save your ass, not kiss it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Google Books Title I'm a Nurse My Job Is to Save Your Ass Not Kiss…
“I’m a Ph.D.—Pizza Hut Deliveryman”
Pizza Hut is an American pizza and pasta restaurant chain that offers sit-down service, as well as take-out and delivery. "I'm a Ph.D. -- Pizza Hut Deliveryman" is a joke a poor…
“I’m a Ph.D.—Pizza Hut Deliveryman”
Pizza Hut is an American pizza and pasta restaurant chain that offers sit-down service, as well as take-out and delivery. "I'm a Ph.D. -- Pizza Hut Deliveryman" is a joke a poor…
“I’m a second-hand vegetarian. Cows eat grass. I eat cows”
"I'm a second-hand vegetarian. Cows eat grass. I eat cows" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I only eat animals that feed on grass. Does that make me a…
“I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue”
A "single issue voter" votes for or against a politician based solely on a single issue. The "single issue voter" can be single or married, and this is the basis of a joke.…
“I’m a social drinker. Every time someone says ‘I’ll have a drink,’ I say ‘Social I’”
"I'm a social drinker. Every time someone says 'I'll have a drink,' I say 'Social I'" -- a pun on "So shall I" -- is a jocular drinking saying that…
“I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet”
"I'm a social vegan. I avoid meet" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I’m a social vegan; I avoid meet" -- a pun on "meat" -- was posted on…
“I’m a socialist drinker” (joke)
A "social" drinker shouldn't be confused with a "socialist" drinker, but there are jokes. "I'm not a heavy drinker, more of a socialist drinker. Which is to say,…