“I was an honor student—I don’t know what happened” (bumper sticker)
"I was an honor student -- I don't know what happened" is a popular bumper sticker. The bumper sticker is a parody of the "My child is an honor student" bumper stickers.…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I was asked how much television I watch. I said that I usually watch the whole screen”
Many people watch a lot of television. "Some guy on live at the Apollo just said, 'I watch a lot of the TV. I even sometimes watch the whole screen'" was posted on Twitter on…
“I was asked if I would try belly dancing. I just don’t think I have the stomach for it”
To "not have the stomach for (something)" means to lack the courage, determination, or resolve to do it. The idiom usually doesn't involve the stomach, but there are belly dancing…
“I was at a climbing center the other day, but someone had stolen all the grips from the wall. Honestly, you couldn’t make it up”
"You can't make it up!" usually isn't taken literally, but there are climbing wall jokes. "I was at a climbing center the other day, but someone had stolen all the grips…
“I was attacked by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me”
"I was attacked by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just been gang raped by a group of mime artists. . .…
“I was bitten by a radioactive lawyer and ended up with the power of attorney”
"Whenever I hear the phrase 'Power of Attorney' I always imagine someone being bitten by a radioactive lawyer" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by JerryThomas on June 24,…
“I was born at night, but not last night”
"I wasn't born yesterday!" is an expression dating from at least the 18th century meaning that a person is not so naive about a matter (financial or otherwise). "I was born at…
“I was born to be rich. I can tell by the way I spend money”
"I was meant to be rich. I can tell by the way I spend money" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I was born to be rich, I can tell by the way i spend"…
“I was dismissed from my job as an apprentice executioner because I just couldn’t get the hang of it”
Some people who work or who go to school can't "get the hang of it" (understand it). This expression usually has nothing to do with hanging, but there are jokes. "Why was the…
“I was doing my vocabulary homework when suddenly I felt dizzy. I had to sit for a spell”
A pun about vocabulary homework is: "I was doing my vocabulary homework when suddenly I felt dizzy. I had to sit for a spell." The joke was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on September 2,…
“I was drinking at a bar, so i took the bus home…” (joke)
"I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before" is a joke that has been printed on many images. The joke is that…
“I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought, wow, this is ledge ‘n dairy”
The word "legendary" has had some "ledge and dairy" (or "ledge 'n' dairy") puns. "Ledge n dairy" was posted on Twitter by Dan on March 12, 2009.…
“I was driving to the airport and saw a sign that said ‘Airport Left,’ so I went back home”
"I was driving to the airport to catch my flight when I saw a sign that said: 'Airport Left.' So I turned around and went home" is an old joke, told about a blonde, an Irishman…
“I was driving to work and saw a woman driving with her hazard lights on. At least she’s honest”
Many jokes have been told about female drivers. One joke was posted on Twitter on March 5, 2010: "I was driving to work today and saw a woman driving down the road with her hazard lights on.…
“I was eating green onions when all of a sudden, I started rhyming. They were rap scallions”
If a scallion starts to rhyme, does that make it a "rap scallion"? There have been many puns. "And J.M. is an unsavory rap-scallion"/"Scallions do rap music? I did not know…
“I was feeding cannabis-laced brownies to the seabirds. No tern was left unstoned”
"No stone left unturned" is a popular idiom. "No tern left unstoned" is a spoonerism. "The professional punster leaves no phrase unturned as in the case of him who said of…
“I was feeling bad about my code so I went outside and take a run…” (joke)
"If ever you're feeling sad, just go for a run" might, at first, seem like good advice. However, a joke often follows this. "If you’re ever sad, just go for a run. Then…
“I was feeling lonely so I bought some shares. It’s nice to have a bit of company”
A finance joke was posted on Reddit on November 23, 2016 (just before Thanksgiving): "I was very lonely so I bought some shares. It's nice to have a bit of company." The joke was…
“I was fired from my job yesterday for being a pervert. I don’t understand; I’m always hard at work”
"Hard at work" is a saying that can also have a sexual connotation. "I got fired from my job as a porn actor because i wasnt always hard at work" was posted on Twitter on August…
“I was fired from the keyboard factory today. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts”
There is a pun about work "shifts." "I got fired for putting in extra shifts at work. It's what you get for working in a keyboard factory" was posted on Twitter on March…