We all time travel. "I can time travel.... but only forwards.....and really slowly... at one second per second" was posted on Twitter by Rudy Lippert on July 26, 2010. "I time travel…
"I'm a trust fund baby. My parents trusted me to go fund myself" (or "I'm a trust fund baby. My parents trust me to fund myself") is a jocular saying that has been…
"I'm a trust fund baby. My parents trusted me to go fund myself" (or "I'm a trust fund baby. My parents trust me to fund myself") is a jocular saying that has been…
"I'm a vegetarian, not because I love animals...but because I hate plants!" said comedian A. Whitney Brown in the May 1983 Vegetarian Times. The joke is that if don't like…
"I'm a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I become" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on the blog Wine…
"I'm a woman of many moods and they all require chocolate" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I am a woman of many moods, and they all require chocolate.…
"I'm a woman. I have needs. Pass me the wine"is a wine saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on May 19, 2016. "I'm a woman, I have…
"I'm a writer. Anything you say or do may be used in a story" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying parodies Miranda warnings ("You have the right…
"I'm a writer. If I seem cold, it's because I'm surrounded by drafts" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. A riddle was posted on BuzzFeed on December…
"Safety first" is a slogan that has been used since the early 1900s. "Safe-Tea First" is a pun that was used in Ridgways Tea advertisments from October 1914. A jocular saying…
"Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called 'a lot'" (or "Tonight, I'll be having my favorite drink. It's called a lot") is a…
Many politically correct "woke" people put pronouns in their bios. This was posted on X/Twitter by Kyle Kashuv on January 3, 2022: "im actually extremely grateful for all those who…
"Kelp" sounds like "help," and there have been several puns. "Being addicted to seaweed is a cry for kelp" was posted on Twitter on September 5, 2011. "I've…
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic sent many people home to quarantines, but many essential workers stayed on the job. "I'm adding 'showed up for/to work during the apocalypse'…
"Aging like fine wine" is a saying meaning that someone/something is getting better with age. Bananas spoil very quickly. "Aging like a fine banana" means that someone/something…
"I'm allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I break out in handcuffs" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I have an allergy to alcohol; when I drink I…
"I'm allergic to food. I break out in fat" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images. Newspapers.com12 April 1974, News-Herald (Port Clinton, OH), "Jottings…
"Hives" shouldn't be confused with "chives," but there are jokes. "And I have chives on my face. Great, I hate it when I break out in chives. Ugh" was posted on…
There's a difference between "asthmatic" (asthma) and "basmatic" (basmati rice), but there have been jokes. This was printed in the Sunday Mail (Glasgow, Scotland) on…
"I'm allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on September 25, 2012.…