“I took levitation classes once, but I dropped out”
People "drop out" of school -- but levitation school? "Just dropped out of levitation school" was posted on Twitter by donni saphire on April 7, 2015. "I took levitation…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I took my car in for a service this morning. I couldn’t get it through the church doors”
When a car is getting "a service," it's not a religious service, but there are jokes. "There was this Manta Driver who wanted to take his car in for a service...Only problem was…
“I took my dead cat to a taxidermist, but they stuffed the wrong end. It was a cat-ass-trophy”
"Catastrophe" shouldn't be confused with "cat ass trophy," but there are jokes. "I thought a catastrophe was when the taxidermist stuffed the wrong end ofthat cougar…
“I took my son to Coney Island. I asked, ‘Wanna go in the Crazy House?’” (joke)
One Coney Island amusement was a "Crazy House," featuring walls at strange angles. New York-based comedian Rodney Dangerfield, filling in for syndicated entertainment columnist Jack…
“I took my wife to an orchard for her birthday. Apparently, it wasn’t the Apple Watch she wanted”
An Apple Watch is not the same as watching apples, but there are jokes. "The only 'Apple watch' I'll be doing this autumn is at an orchard #amirite" was posted on Twitter…
“I took out a loan to go to school so I could get a job to pay off my school loans”
School loans can feel like years of poverty. "I’m so glad I went to school and studied hard so I could get a good job and pay off my student loans and 10 years later...still feel poor…
“I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today” (joke)
Many people take the batteries out of a carbon monoxide detector because of constant false beeping, but often the beeping isn't false. "I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide…
“I took up fencing once, but I couldn’t see the point”
"I really don't see the point of fencing" is a fencing pun that was posted on Twitter on August 9, 2008. "I honestly don't see the point in the fencing" was posted on…
“I totally understand how batteries feel because I’m rarely ever included in things either”
"Batteries not included" is a famous line that is associated with many products. "I (totally) understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely (ever) included in things…
“I totally understand why Italian Renaissance paintings are of naked fat people laying on a couch”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in home quarantines, where many people sat on a couch and got fat ("Rubenesque"). "Now that I have lived through a 'plague', I…
“I totally understand why Italian Renaissance paintings are people lying around with their tits out”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in home quarantines, where many people sat on a couch and got fat ("Rubenesque"). "Now that I have lived through a 'plague', I…
“I tried cooking corned beef in a pan with potatoes and onions, but sadly I made a hash of it”
To "make a hash" of something means to mess up, but what if one is making hash (a food)? "I know tinned corned beef is supposed to be 'easy' food, but I'm still making…
“I tried cooking with wine. After 5 glasses, I forgot why I was in the kitchen”
"I tried cooking with wine for the first time last night, after 5 glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen!" is a jocular wine saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“I tried following my dreams, but they blocked me”
"Follow your dreams" is a common saying that has been printed on many images. It usually doesn't refer to a follow on social media, but there are jokes. "I wanted to follow my…
“I tried making a candlelit dinner. I think it would have cooked quicker in the oven”
A “candlelit dinner” usually has candles on the dinner table. The meal is usually not cooked with candles, but there are jokes about that. "Going out tonight for a candlelit dinner. Surely…
“I tried memeing less, but it made my day memeingless”
"I tried memeing less, but it made my day(s) memeingless" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Memeingless" is like "meaningless." "I tried memeing…
“I tried memeing less, but it made my days memeingless”
"I tried memeing less, but it made my day(s) memeingless" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Memeingless" is like "meaningless." "I tried memeing…
“I tried paying taxes with a smile, but the IRS wanted cash”
Some people suggest that citizens should "pay taxes with a smile," knowing that the citizens have patriotically performed a civic duty. Many taxpayers, however, do not enjoy paying taxes.…
“I tried playing water polo, but my horse drowned”
Polo is played on horses; water polo is not. A popular joke is: "I tried playing water polo, but my horse drowned." The joke has been cited in print since at least 1968. 18 May 1968,…
“I tried starting my day without coffee once… My court date is pending”
"I tried starting a/my day without coffee once... My court date is pending" is a jocular coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "Tried starting the day without coffee…