“I tried to tell a bowling joke to a friend, but he said ‘spare me’”
Several bowling puns use the expression "spare me." "Want to hear a joke about bowling? Spare me" was posted on Facebook by Jim Abbas on February 28, 2012. "Please, spare…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I tried to walk into a Target, but I missed”
A joke about Target stores was told by American stand-up comedian Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005) and has been printed on many images: "I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“I tried using a colander to view the eclipse. I think I’ve strained my eyes”
A colander is a kitchen utensil that has holes to drain foods. The holes can be looked through, but a colander is not a telescope. A joke became popular on Sickipedia in March 2015: "I tried…
“I tried watching some belly dancing today, but I just don’t have the stomach for it”
To "not have the stomach for (something)" means to lack the courage, determination, or resolve to do it. The idiom usually doesn't involve the stomach, but there are belly dancing…
“I trust gas station sushi more than I trust the government”
"I trust gas station sushi move than I trust the government" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Sushi is a high-priced item that must be served fresh, and these are…
“I trust the government to lie about everything”
"I trust the government to lie about everything" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I trust the government (to lie about everything)" was posted on Twitter by…
“I TRUST THE SCIENCE!”/“You trust the television.”
"Be honest, you didn't trust the science. You trusted the TV" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "Trust the science” became a popular saying during the…
“I try to avoid things that make me fat. Like scales, photos and mirrors”
"I try to avoid things that make me fat. Like scales, photos and mirrors" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I am trying my best to be a good girl and avoid…
“I try to be a good person, but then someone pulls out in front of me doing ten below the speed limit…”
A statement about the frustrations of highway driving was posted on X/Twitter by New_England_Dad on September 3, 2021: "I try to be a good person, but then someone pulls out in front of me…
“I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant ‘food’”
"I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant 'food.' I try to find the food in every situation" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“I turn coffee into tax returns”
"I turn coffee into tax returns" is a jocular tax season saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is a tax preparer who needs coffee to function. "I turn coffee into…
“I understand that my body can’t digest corn or whatever…”
This saying about eating corn was posted on X/Twitter by tate on APil 29, 2024 and received over 159,000 likes: "i understand that my body can't digest corn or whatever. that's fine.…
“I used to be a freelance journalist, but I wasn’t very good at it. Lance is still in prison”
"Freelance" journalism isn't about freeing someone named Lance, but there's a joke: "I used to be a freelance journalist, but I was crap. Lance is still in prison."…
“I used to be a heavy drinker, but then I lost some weight”
A "heavy drinker" is someone who drinks a lot. A "heavy drinker" is not necessarily heavy in weight, but there are jokes. "i used to be a heavy drinker but then lost…
“I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired”
A racial joke about employment has been told by stand-up comedian Larry the Cable Guy since at least 2005: "I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired." The joke is that…
“I used to be a member of the secret cooking society. They kicked me out for spilling the beans”
To "spill the beans" means to reveal a secret. A food pun is: "I used to be a member of the secret cooking society. They kicked me out for spilling the beans." "I got fired…
“I used to be a shoe salesman, but they gave me the boot”
A pun about working as a shoe salesman is: "I used to be a shoe salesman, but they gave me the boot." "I worked in a shoe store, but they gave me the boot" was posted to the…