“I’m not sure sure if it’s the thyme or the plaice” (joke)
"I'm not sure if it's the thyme (time) or the plaice (place)" is a popular food pun. "This is neither the thyme nor the plaice" was posted to the newsgroup…
“The food label read, ‘Store in a cool place,’ so…” (joke)
Many food and drink labels suggest, "Store in a cool place." What's a "cool" (hip) place? "The instructions read 'Store in a cool place'. Which explains why…
“A man walks into a bar with a newt…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A newt version is: A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barman says,…
“What do you say to a Mexican body builder who’s out of protein powder?”/“No whey, José.”
"No whey, José," a pun on "No way, José," has been cited in print since at least 1985. A joke was posted to Reddit -- Jokes on July 17, 2014: Q: What do you call a Mexican…
“I had a ploughman’s lunch the other day. He wasn’t very happy”
A "ploughman's lunch" (a lunch that ploughmen in the United Kingdom like to eat) consists of cheese, pickle and bread. A popular joke is: "I had a ploughman's lunch the…
“What do you give to a sick lemon?”/“Lemon aid.”
A riddle about lemonade is: Q: What do you give to a sick lemon?A: Lemon aid. The joke was posted to the newsgroup eunet.jokes on February 27, 1994. Google Groups: eunet.jokesa joke on…
“Where do fish go to borrow money?”/“A loan shark.”
A "loan shark" riddle is: Q: Where do fish go to borrow money?A: A loan shark. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 2007. Wikipedia: Loan sharkA loan shark is a person or…
“Don’t make fun of fat people. They have enough on their plates”
"Don't make fun of fat people. They have enough on their plates" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "I don't like folk making jokes about fat…
“I used to be a freelance journalist, but I wasn’t very good at it. Lance is still in prison”
"Freelance" journalism isn't about freeing someone named Lance, but there's a joke: "I used to be a freelance journalist, but I was crap. Lance is still in prison."…
“A nose walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A nose version is: "A nose walks into a bar and asks for a pint. The barman says,…
“A man walks into a bar wearing a tie fastener…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A tie fastener version is: "A man walks into a bar wearing a tie fastener. The barman…
“I’m a baker for the army. When I go to war, I go in all buns glazing”
"Buns glazing" is a spoonerism for "guns blazing." "Just hit town with his buns glazing" was posted to the newsgroup rec.audio.pro on December 23, 2001. A popular joke…
“I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink”
"I used to be a tap dancer until I fell into the sink" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. "You know, I used to be a tap dancer, but I kept falling…
“My doctor told me to drink a glass of wine after a hot bath…” (joke)
Supposedly, doctors sometimes advise patients to drink something (wine, carrot juice, lemonade or something else) after taking a hot bath. A popular joke was first published in The Humorist…
“I grilled a chicken for two hours yesterday…” (joke)
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A popular joke variation is: "I grilled a chicken for two hours…
“My Facebook-using grandfather died. We won’t be seeing the likes of him again”
Facebook is an online social media website that allows users to "like" posts. A joke is: "After spending up to twelve hours a day on Facebook for years, my grandfather died…
“Me and my limbo team go way back”
A pun about limbo dancing is: "Me and m limbo team go way back." The joke was posted on Twitter on June 11, 2011. Wikipedia: Limbo (dance)Limbo is a traditional popular dance contest that…
“Vodka! Tequila! Whiskey! I call the shots!”
"Vodka! Tequila! Whiskey! I call the shots!" is an alcohol variation of the expression "to call the shots." "TEQUILA! VODKA! SAMBUCA! That's right.........I call the…
“A policeman asked me to come down to the station for an interview” (joke)
A joke about police procedure is: "A policeman asked me to come down to the station for an interview. I haven't even applied for a job there!" The joke was posted on Twitter on July…
“Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit!”
A joke about a certain brand of chewing gum is: "Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit!" The joke has been cited in print since at least 2006.…