“Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head” (joke)
A strawberry-and-cream joke is: "A man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'" The joke was…
“Rights are not gifts from government”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikiquote: Thomas JeffersonThomas Jefferson (13 April 1743 – 4 July 1826) was author of the Declaration of Independence (1776) and the Virginia Statute for Religious…
“What’s the difference between a politician and a snail?” (joke)
What's the difference between a politician and a snail? A politics joke was posted to the newsgroup eunet.jokes on November 14, 1994: "Gerold's pronouncement: The difference between…
“The Beach Boys walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A Beach Boys version is: The Beach Boys walk into a…
“What kind of car does an egg drive?”/“A Yolkswagon.”
A "Yolkswagon" or "Yolkswagen" (yolk + Volkswagen) is a portmanteau that has been used in several jokes. A riddle was printed in Boys' Life on November 1984: Q: What kind…
“Why are Americans so bad at League of Legends?”/“Because they can’t defend their towers.”
A riddle about the multiplayer online battle arena video game League of Legends hints at the September 11, 2001 attacks on New York City's World Trade Center: Q: Why are Americans so bad at…
“100 years ago everyone had horses and only the rich had cars”
Milwaukee (WI) Sentinel columnist Alex Thien wrote on July 1, 1993: "There was a time when only poor people had horses and only the rich had cars. And now only the poor people have cars and…
“What came after the stone age and the bronze age?”/“The sausage.”
A joke about the "sausage" (or "Saus Age") is: TEACHER: What came after the stone age and the bronze age?STUDENT: The saus-age. The joke was printed in many newspapers in 1907.…
“I was thinking of running a marathon…” (joke)
"Running a marathon" usually means running in a marathon, not running the marathon. Jordan Brookes joked on Twitter on May 12, 2014: "I'd like to run a marathon but it seems…
“Playing golf is like playing fetch with yourself”
"Golf: The art of playing fetch with yourself" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Golf: Playing 'fetch' with yourself" was posted on the…
“If you win a year’s worth of calendars, do you only win one calendar?”
A joke has someone getting "a year's supply of calendars" -- one calendar. The joke was used on the American television sitcom Full House, the episode "The Big Three-O"…
“My dad told me to invest my money in bonds, so I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger”
A bond (a financial instrument) has nothing to do with James Bond (a fictional British Secret Service agent), but there have been several jokes. UK comedian Nick Hall posted on Twitter on July 10,…
“What kind of vegetables did they eat in the 18th century?”/“Baroque-oli.”
"Broccoli" is sometimes punned on many images as "baroque-oli." "What was Bach's favourite vegetable? Baroque-oli #unfunnyjokes" was posted on Twitter on July 26,…
“People often say ‘icy’ is the easiest word to spell and, looking at it now, I see why”
"The phrase ‘i see why’ forms the letters I, C, and Y, which, when put together, spell the word’ icy’. this world is full of beauty" is an observation that was posted on Twitter…
“What happened to the Indian chief who drank too much tea?”/“He drowned in his tea-pee.”
"Teepee" (a cone-shaped tent) sounds like "tea pee." A tea riddle is: Q: What happened to the Indian chief who drank too much tea?A: He drowned in his tea-pee. The joke was…
“I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time”
A joke about time was submitted by Tom Ward to the Edinburgh (Scotland) Festival Fringe in August 2015: "I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time." The…
“Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal”
"Money can't buy happiness" is a proverb that has been cited in English since at least 1821. There have been many jocular additions to the proverb. "They say money can't…
“I know it’s cheesy, but I feel grate”
"I know it's cheesy, but I feel grate" is a pun-filled saying that has been printed on several images, usually with a picture of a cheese grater. The saying was posted on Twitter on…
“Ordered stuff using my donor card instead of my debit card. Cost me an arm and a leg”
Some people get the cards in their wallet mixed up. "I was soooo pissed I went to call a cab from the phone box and put in me donor card instead of me phone card.....cost me an arm and a…
“I don’t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. All Fridays matter”
Black Friday is a busy shopping day after Thanksgiving; it has nothing to do with 19th century slaves (a false etymology) or current African Americans. However, many people have used the Black…