“Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion”
"Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion" is a joke that was said by Irish comedian Spike Milligan (1918-2002) on The Last Goon Show of All on October 5, 1972.…
“For our chemistry exam, we had to write a thousand words on acid” (joke)
A joke about acid was posted on Twitter on October 13, 2012: "For our chemistry exam, we had to write a thousand words on acid. Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor…
“What do you call a mad nut?”/“A pistachio.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. “What do you call a mustache soaked in urine?"/"A pistachio" is another pistachio riddle. Wikipedia: PistachioThe pistachio (/pɪˈstɑːʃiˌoʊ,…
“What screams ‘I’m insecure’?”/“HTTP.”
A programmer joke about "http" and "https" is: Q: What screams "I'm insecure?"A: HTTP. The joke was posted on Reddit -- AskReddit on September 8, 2015. Wikipedia:…
“My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner…” (joke)
A husband's joke about a wife's cooking was posted on Twitter on July 31, 2016: "My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner. So I took the…
“Oh, I’m glad I’m not a turkey”
"Oh, I'm glad I'm not a turkey" is a Thanksgiving song of unknown authorship and date. The melody is similar to the songs "Did You Ever See a Lassie?" and "Oh du…
“For the hay and the corn and the wheat that is reaped” (Thanksgiving poem)
A Thanksgiving poem beginning "For the hay and the corn and the wheat that is reaped..." has been cited in print since at least 1884, when it was credited to Harper's Weekly. 21…
“What sound does a turkey’s cell phone make?”/“WING WING!!”
A popular Thanksgiving riddle is: Q: What sound does a turkey's cell phone make?A: WING WING!! The riddle has been cited in print since at least 2006. Brownielocks -- Thanksgiving Riddles and…
“What kind of vitamin do you get from Canadian maple syrup?”/“Vitamin Eh?”
A joke on Canadian speech is that Canadians are rich in "Vitamin Eh?" (a pun on "Vitamin A"). "Vitamin Eh" was printed in the The Globe and Mail (Toronto, ON) on July…
“Thanksgiving dinner is a unique experience. It’s like an orgy that’s rated G”
"Thanksgiving dinner is a unique experience. It's like an orgy that's rated G" was published in 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches (1984) by Robert Orben. The Thanksgiving…
“Count your blessings instead of your crosses” (Thanksgiving poem)
A popular Thanksgiving (or church) poem of unknown authorship has been cited in print since at least 1969: Count your blessings instead of your crosses; Count your gains instead of your losses.…
“How do flags greet each other on a windy day?”/“They wave.”
"How do flags talk to each other, they dont, they just wave!" is a flag riddle that was posted on Twitter on July 9, 2010. "Q: How do flags communicate? A: They wave!…
“When baking dog biscuits, be sure to use collie flour”
"Cauliflower" sounds like "collie flour." "Dog biscuits are made out of collie-flour" is a pun that has been cited in print since at least 1928. A riddle was printed…
“The man leaned on the printer cartridge because he wanted to tone up his abs”
A printer's toner cannot be used to tone up a person's body, but there has been a joke: "The man leaned on the printer cartridge because he wanted to tone up his abs." The joke…
“Yo mama’s so poor, your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk”
A popular "yo mama" insult "poor joke" is: "Yo mama's so poor, your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk." The joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“Pancakes are just morning pizzas”
Pancakes have been called the morning or breakfast version of pizza. "Pancakes are just morning pizzas with syrup instead of cheese...brilliant move, whoever!" was posted on Twitter on…
“I couldn’t decide whether or not to make spiced apple cider, so I mulled it over”
A pun on the word "mull" was posted on Twitter on August 23, 2009: "I couldn't decide whether or not to make spiced apple cider, so I mulled it over." Wiktionary: mull…
“Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece”
The first french fries were made in France, right? Not according to a popular joke. A riddle has been cited in print since at least 1976: Q: Where were the first French fries made? A: In Greece…
Hollywood on the Hudson (proposed Hudson River pier)
"Hollywood on the Hudson" was the nickname of the proposed park and entertainment center over the dilapidated Pier 55 on the Hudson River off Manhattan. The project was backed by…
Hylan’s Holes (abandoned, incomplete Staten Island Tunnel)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Staten Island TunnelThe Staten Island Tunnel is an abandoned, incomplete railway/subway tunnel in New York City. It was intended to connect railways on Staten…