“One-One was a racehorse…” (tongue twister)
A popular tongue twister is: "One One was a racehorse.Two Two was one, too.One One won one race, andTwo Two won one, too." The tongue twister was printed in Newsday (Long Island, NY) on…
“I was driving to work and saw a woman driving with her hazard lights on. At least she’s honest”
Many jokes have been told about female drivers. One joke was posted on Twitter on March 5, 2010: "I was driving to work today and saw a woman driving down the road with her hazard lights on.…
“What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?”/“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
"Freeze a jolly good fellow" is a mondegreen for "For he's a jolly good fellow." "THE REFRAIN OF THE ARCTIC CIRCLE -- 'Freeze a jolly good fellow'' was…
“These Korean meatballs really are the dogs bollocks”
"Korean meatballs -- they really are the dogs bollocks" is a jocular one-liner that has been printed on many images. English comedian Hugh Dennis said on the British topical, satirical…
“Isn’t it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?” (joke)
A popular joke hits at the poor employment prospects of liberal arts majors. "Hate how engineering students call themselves engineers. Not like pre-meds call themselves doctors or art majors…
“This may be the wine talking, but I really, really, really, really love wine”
"This may be the wine talking, but I love wine" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "This may be the wine talking, but I love wine. (And Luke Bryan)" was posted on…
“Auctions are the one place you can get something for nodding”
"Auction -- where you get something for nodding" -- a pun on "nothing" -- was published in a newspaper in January 1956. "Daffynishion: Auction — Where you get something…
“What does an auctioneer need to know?”/“Lots.”
An auctioneer riddle has been cited in print since at least 2006: Q: What do you have to know to be an auctioneer? A: Lots. “What do you have to know to be a real estate salesman?"/”…
“A penguin walks into an airport…” (joke)
Penguins are flightless birds. An airport joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on February 11, 2015: "A penguin walks into an airport... A TSA officer stops him and says 'Penguins…
“Who currently provides your internet?”/“My next-door neighbor.”
An internet joke was posted on Twitter by sickipediebot on August 20, 2013: A salesman knocked on my door today."Who currently provides your Internet?" he asked.I said, "My next door…
“Why didn’t the two fours want any lunch?”/“Because they already eight.”
A riddle on the homophones "ate" and "eight" is: Q: Why didn't the two fours want any lunch?A: Because they already eight. Four plus four equals eight -- and this sounds…
“What do you call a doctor who is on call 24/7?”/“An oncologist.”
An "oncologist" is someone who treats cancer patients; the name sounds like "on-call-ogist." "Oncologist.................A Doctor who is always on call" was posted on…
“When making mac & cheese I didn’t use a colander long enough; wife gave me a restraining order”
A colander joke is: "When making macaroni and cheese I didn't use the colander long enough, and wife gave me a restraining order." The one-line saying was posted on Twitter on…
“How much did Santa’s sleigh cost?”/“Nothing, it was on the house.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: How much did Santa's sleigh cost?A: Nothing, it was on the house. "On the house" means "free." The joke was posted on Twitter on December 3, 2011,…
“I’ll change my Facebook username to NOBODY…” (joke)
"I am going 2 change my Facebook username to NOBODY so when i see a boring status..i will like it..then it read:NOBODY LIKE THIS" was posted on Twitter on September 4, 2012. "Very…
“Scholarships are basically giftcards for college”
Are there "gift cards" for college? "Scholarships are just gift cards for college" was posted on Twitter on January 10, 2016. "Scholarships are basically giftcards for…
“Onion rings and french fries are deep fried binary”
French fries look like the number "one" and onion rings look like the number "zero." "I just successfully tried my hand at ordering fast food in Binary. sooo: FRENCH FRIES…
“A rectangular prism walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A prism version is: "A rectangular prism walks into a bar and the bartender asks,…
“Whoever said technology would replace all paper hasn’t tried wiping their behind with an iPad”
"Whoever said technology would replace all paper hasn’t tried wiping their ass/behind with an iPad" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Whoever said technology will…
“What do you call someone who doesn’t eat animal products and loves to gamble?”/“A Las Vegan.”
A person from Las Vegas (Nevada or New Mexico) is a "Las Vegan." This is pronounced "Vay-gan." Such a person may or may not also be a "vegan" (usually pronounced…