“An eel walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A eel version is: "An eel walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Back for more,…
“Quasimodo walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A version involving the fictional character Quasimodo is: "Quasimodo walks into a bar…
“I used to date an opera singer, but it didn’t work out. She was all mi, mi, mi”
Opera singers sometimes rehearse with "mi, mi, mi" ("me, me, me"). "Old gag: Do you have to practise your opera singing so loud? You're so selfish. It's all ME ME…
“The gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian”
"The gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian" is a jocular saying about a "sugar daddy" that has been
“You are what you eat—minus what you excrete”
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826), in the book Physiologie du Gout (1825), wrote "Tell me what you eat, and I shall tell you what you are," often interpreted as "you are what…
“A runner walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A running version is: "A runner walks into a bar. The bartender asks, 'Why the…
“I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it” (joke)
A classic swimming pool joke has been cited in print since at least 1993. A lifeguard tells a swimmer that he's banned for peeing in the pool. "But everyone pees in the pool!" the…
“Tipping your waiter is like paying shipping and handling for your food”
Restaurant tipping of a waiter is sometimes compared to a shipping and handling charge. " Tipping your waiter is like paying shipping and handling for your food" was posted on Twitter on…
“When a computer overheats, it freezes”
"I find it ironic that when a computer overheats it 'freezes'" is a seemingly contradictory observation that was posted on Twitter on April 13, 2010. "Its funny how when a…
“A cabbage and celery walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A food version is: "A cabbage and celery walk into a bar and the cabbage gets served…
“Why did the bowl of soup disappear?”/“It was leek soup.”
"Leek soup" has been the subject of several "leak soup" puns. "Q: What did you do all night? A: Leak soup" was posted on the newsgroup uk.singles on December 3, 1997.…
“Disabled cookies? In my day, we called them broken biscuits”
An "HTTP cookie" is not something that's eaten, but there have been several jokes. "The internet has become too politically correct. What's all this nonsense about disabled…
“Why was the elevator mad?”/“Everyone was pushing its buttons.”
The expression "push someone's buttons" has been used in an elevator joke. "Why was the elevator so cranky? Because everyone was always pushing its buttons" was posted on…
“How does a physicist exercise?”/“By pumping ion.”
A physics riddle is: Q: How does a physicist exercise?A: By pumping ion. The pun is on the title of the 1977 bodybuilding film Pumping Iron. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1996.…
“The internet is too pc. Disabled cookies? In my day, they were called broken biscuits”
An "HTTP cookie" is not something that's eaten, but there have been several jokes. "The internet has become too politically correct. What's all this nonsense about disabled…
“Money launderers are filthy rich!”
"Money launderers are filthy rich!" is a joke that was posted on the website Pun of the Day on November 3, 2017. It was also posted on Reddit -- Oneliners later that day. Pun of the…
“If light travels faster than the speed of sound, how come a car behind me honks before the green?”
Some people seem to honk a car in front of them at a red light before the light turns green. "Brooklyn is the only city where sound travels faster than light.The fella behind me honks 9…
“If you eat falafel with hummus, you are dipping fried chick peas into blended chick peas”
Both falafel and hummus usually contain chickpeas. "Falafel with hummus. Eating fried chickpeas with chickpea paste. #neverthoughtofthat" was posted on Twitter on September 24, 2013.…
“Is that a custard or a meringue?”/“You’re not wrong. It’s a custard.”
A joke about the Scottish accent is: SCOTSMAN (at a bakery): Is that a custard or a meringue?ENGLISHMAN: You’re not wrong. It’s a custard. "Or a meringue?" sounds like "Or am I…
“My last boss was a dwarf. He was a real micromanager”
A "micromanager" is someone who pays attention to the smallest ("micro") details. The term doesn't mean a "small manager," but there have been several jokes.…