“I don’t think I ever want to be a mime. It just doesn’t speak to me”
"I don't think the art of being a mime holds any artistic value. It just doesn't speak to me" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter on March 9, 2013. "As an art…
“Arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics…”
The Special Olympics is a sports organization for children and adults with intellectual disabilities. A politically incorrect meme uses "Special Olympics" to define a meaningless victory.…
“Nuts are just tasty wood”
Some people view eating nuts like eating wood. "Aren't nuts weird? Like tasty wood" was posted on Twitter on July 6, 2010. "Nuts: 'Tasty wood'" was posted on…
“Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics…”
The Special Olympics is a sports organization for children and adults with intellectual disabilities. A politically incorrect meme uses "Special Olympics" to define a meaningless victory.…
Meaty Urologist (“meteorologist” pun)
"Meteorologist" sounds like "meaty urologist," and the pun has been printed on several images. "By the way, why are all the weather forecasts on television given by meaty…
“Where did the general keep his armies?”/“In his sleevies.”
A general's "armies" usually doesn't refer to his physical arms, but there's a riddle: Q: Where did the general keep his armies?A: In his sleevies. The joke has been cited…
“I may be fat, but I identify as a skinny person. I’m trans-fat”
"Trans fat" is different from "transsexual," but there have been several jokes. “I may be skinny but I identify as transfat" was posted on Twitter on November 27, 2014.…
“I just donated $100 to a blind children’s charity, not that the kids will ever see any of it”
Many charities have high overhead, and the donated money doesn't reach the purpose of the charity. A joke was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia on January 3, 2012: "I just donated a…
“I was fired from my job yesterday for being a pervert. I don’t understand; I’m always hard at work”
"Hard at work" is a saying that can also have a sexual connotation. "I got fired from my job as a porn actor because i wasnt always hard at work" was posted on Twitter on August…
“How do you make a sausage roll?”/“Push it.”
A sausage roll riddle is: Q: How do you make a sausage roll?A: Push it. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1925 and 1978. “How do you make an egg roll?"/"Push it,"…
“What do ducks eat for breakfast?”/“Quacker Oats.”
A duck riddle is: Q: What do ducks eat for breakfast?A: Quacker Oats. "Quacker Oats" puns were cited in print in 1978 and 1982, and the full riddle has been cited in print since at least…
“If you’re American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?”/“European.”
A nationality joke is: Q: If you’re an American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom? A: European (you're a-peeing). The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. 12 April…
Cryptocalypse or Cryptopocalypse (crypto + apocalypse)
"Cryptocalypse" and "cryptopocalypse" (crypto + apocalypse) have had more than one meaning. The first meaning describes the effects of quantum computing on encryption methods.…
“What do you call a spooky burrito?”/“A boo-rito.”
Chipotle Mexican Grill trademarked "boo-rito" -- a spooky Halloween "burrito" -- with a first use date of January 2000. "What did you do Kevin? #boorito? is this a spooky…
“Chickens like to draw, but a cock’ll doodle, too”
"Cock a doodle doo" is part of an 18th century English language nursery rhyme. "No, but when you visit him, you should take some scrap paper for his kid to draw on. Oh, and some for…
“I moved into an apartment over a bank. My assets over five million dollars”
A money joke was told by The Unknown Comic (Murray Langston) on television's The Gong Show (1976-1980): "I got an apartment over a bank. Now my assets over 10 million dollars." The…
“A street had houses numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB. It was a trip down memory lane”
"Memory lane" is an imaginary path through the nostalgically remembered past and not an actual street. However, a computer memory joke was posted on Twitter on March 17, 2010: "I…
“Why didn’t anyone respect the mushroom farmer?”/“He had no morels.”
"Morels" (a genus of edible sac fungi) sounds like "morals," and there have been several puns. "I knew an unscrupulous mushroom farmer....he had no morels" was posted…
“How do German breads greet each other?/“By saying ‘Gluten Tag!’”
"Guten Tag!" is German for "Good day!" A popular food pun is "Gluten Tag!" "Was talking with Toby today about opening a bakery with an emphasis on central &…
“I got an apartment over a bank. Now my assets over 10 million dollars”
A money joke was told by The Unknown Comic (Murray Langston) on television's The Gong Show (1976-1980): "I got an apartment over a bank. Now my assets over 10 million dollars." The…